Michael Oher and The Blindside

Parent Cafe
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The Tuohys also helped other athletes at Briarcrest, but those athletes did not live with the Tuohys. Girl tennis players, girl and boy basketball players.

I’ve just started reading Hot Dog Money, about the agents and financial advisers who were giving college players money with the hope of getting them to sign with the agents/finance guys when they turn pro. Michael Oher didn’t need that because he was no longer a kid from Hurt Village when he went to college. He had a home, transportation, financial support.

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Since when do the subjects of movies get approval rights over movie scripts? You can consent to participate or not, but the scriptwriter has to decide what storyline will appeal to distributors and ultimately to an audience (and that’s almost always hugely simplified compared to any book it may be based on).

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Then I guess the Tuohy’s lied yet again because he was on Below Deck bragging about getting a copy of the script ahead of time
“I got a call from Steven Spielberg, Harvey Weinstein. I had to give them the rights to use our name. And I said, ‘I’ll give you the name if I get to read the script and then approve or unapproved,” Sean says on the show.
So sure enough, seven months later we get an envelope in the mail and it’s the script,” he adds.

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I don’t think the Tuoheys acted out of financial greed. I think they acted in their own interests as Ole Miss boosters. If their interest in Michael was truly only about helping him, they should have taken Ole Miss off the table once they took him in. That’s certainly what I would have done if I wanted both Michael and the NCAA to believe that I just wanted to help this talented yet underprivileged youth make something of his life in the face of such difficult circumstances.

But they didn’t do that. They set up the “adoption” to circumvent the spirit of the rules.

Once the book was written, they continued with the adoption farce. They didn’t need the money generated by the book/film, but they certainly enjoyed the celebrity and social standing they received from it.

I think it’s sad that they and Michael became estranged. I’m sure there was genuine affection on both sides. It’s unfortunate that the Tuoheys didn’t steer him away from Ole Miss, because that part of the whole thing is what makes their intentions look extremely suspect. JMO.

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In the books (Lewis’ and Oher’s) the position is that it was Oher’s choice to go to Ole Miss, and in fact he got a friend to go there too. Of course there was influence, but how many of our kids wanted to go to our colleges, who had been to games there, who knew the history?

I think if the NCAA had said no, he can’t go there and play, he would have gone to another school and happily played and there might have been a book but maybe not a movie? Or maybe if he’d been a big star at another school a different movie.

There is no question that Sean Tuohy is a showman, the he talked up how great it all was, and some of that helped Oher and some of it he was embarrassed by. But if he hadn’t done that, Oher might not have gone to college at all. During recruiting, it’s no time to be shy. You somewhat have to tell your story, especially that things were hard and you have even more in your tank, that you’ll get even better in college.

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Since Michael felt like he was part of the family, and the Tuohys also considered him part of the family, it makes sense that he would consider/attend Ole Miss. Not unlike any family member that wants to attend the same college as their parents, siblings, etc. Additionally, he was recruited by A LOT of universities, the Tuohys may have influenced Michael but he ultimately made the decision of where to go for college.

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That’s how the movie (and I assume the book) portrayed it too. Generally I’ve leaned toward the Tuohy viewpoint, influenced by my movie recollections. Now the cynic in me wonders if the choice aspect was overemphasized. Did the Oher book get into the college choice topics?

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I don’t know. It would be one thing if he’d grown up with a long family history of knowing this was his parent’s Alma mater. It’s likely that he wanted to please them, and certainly this was what they wanted. As parents, we have always wanted what was best for our kids, regardless of what would be best for us. I think the Touhys had in the mix what was best for them also, and perhaps that has always been the problem.

As parents, we are selfless and our reward is to see healthy, happy and fulfilled children (at least we hope to). There is no desire for public recognition or rewards for helping our children, of course, that’s what we do. The Touhys weren’t his parents, though they wanted him to treat him as such, and they wanted the rewards and accolades that actual parents wouldn’t have looked for.

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I think that’s too broad a brush. Many parents like to bask in the reflected glory of their kids’ successes. Even CC has a “bragging thread”! It’s just that they don’t usually get to do it on a national stage by virtue of being the subject of a famous book and movie.

And while we all hope we’d be self-effacing in such circumstances, I’m sure a lot of people wouldn’t. Many relatives (and even parents) of politicians, actors, athletes, etc exploit their family’s fame and fortune (viz the Kardashians).

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In both books, the facts of when he moved in and his getting into Briarcliff were similar, it’s just how he views them. The biggest difference is how he got into Briarcliff (it was as in the movie, with the help of his friend’s dad) but he didn’t get in immediately. He’d gone to a public hs but never went to class, so Briarcliff’s principal said he could attend if he went to a special hs to get his grades up. He did attend, but it was clear he wasn’t going to make the grades, so principal reconsidered and they admitted him as a sophomore in January. Once he had a few classes in, they allowed him to play jv basketball, and that’s when he met Sean Tuohy, but he didn’t live with the Tuohys or have much to do with them outside of Sean in basketball.

I think Michael’s biggest issue with the book and movie (more so the movie) is it didn’t show that he was really skilled in basketball and did know the game when he arrived at the school. And that it made him seem stupid in classes. He wasn’t stupid, but he had NO school records. He went to school in 4th grade because he was in foster care, but most of the time he didn’t have school records. Not his fault, but the book/movie isn’t wrong that the public school records did not show academic progress, test scores, or really anything. When he was in hs and went to an All American game and scouting event, he didn’t know how to fill out forms, or even that he should. Again, someone helped him (not the Tuohys) but he could not have been recruited without a lot of help.

In his second book, written after his NFL days but still dealing mostly with his younger life, he’s still interpreting everything. Doesn’t really disagree with the facts, just how they were interpreted.

He makes it clear he wanted to go to Ole Miss. He did have tons of offers and he knew it. He wanted some security. One important thing was he had a friend who was a punter or kicker, and he really wanted to go to school with him, and they both liked Ole Miss.

He was still with the Tuohys through college, through the NFL draft, for several years with the Colts. He originally had a condo in Baltimore but bought his house back in Memphis and I believe still lives there.

The Tuohys screwed up and didn’t do the conservatorship correctly (didn’t do accountings and didn’t file to terminate it), but they didn’t interfere with Oher doing his own money, contracts, taxes, etc. I don’t think Oher will be able to prove they took any money that should have been his. At the time, the NCAA prohibited athletes earning money for NIL, so it is unlikely he could have signed his own deal for a book or movie.

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Maybe. Perhaps I’m just thinking of my own family. But I can see why Michael would have bad feelings about it. He really thought he was part of a family, even was adopted, called them Mom and Dad. And then he realized that it was transactional, everyone was getting something out of it, money and status involved. He wasn’t adopted, just in a status unusual for an adult of sound mind in order to get around the rules. And Mrs. Touhy was still doing speeches and had a foundation wrapped around it all, even well after he’d shown his anger. I can understand why he’d feel betrayed as he got older and understood this further.

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Yes I get that. But I don’t think you can conclude that his birth family would necessarily have behaved differently in response to his fame and fortune if they’d still been in the picture (and he’d actually been able to achieve fame and fortune in those circumstances). And maybe he wouldn’t have had the same reaction to that, who knows.

It’s not the same, but I don’t think Richard Williams would have been able to publish two books and been the subject of a major film if his daughters hadn’t been tennis champions. He could also have chosen to stay out of the limelight and not seek “rewards and accolades” if he’d wanted to. But he didn’t.

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It’s just completely different, I think. As a parent, you have a lifetime of experiences with your child, you get to live every sorrow and every joy with them (whether they know it or not, and if they tell you). It’s not as transactional.

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They took him in and arguable gave him a home and family (love and belonging). From what I have have read/heard he lacked any emotional or physical support his whole life. My kids have had the benefit of being loved and cared; it is not surprising that he connected with the Tuohy’s and wanted to be part of their lives and experiences… I am sure the stories they told him about Ole Miss and college life was very appealing. It is not surprising that he yearned for that inclusion.
At the time they took him in there was no reward or monetary motivation on their part. He was and did fail school. There is absolutely no way they could have predicted what their investment monetarily (tutoring, tuition, online school) and emotionally would reap in the span of a few years.

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They absolutely treated this man as a commodity. He was 100% showing athletic prowess when they invited him to stay with them. I’m not saying they didn’t have affection for him, but they knew they had a potential star on their hands.
They vehemently denied that Oher thought he was adopted, which is insane. Leigh Anne Tuohy has spent the last 20 years spinning the adoption narrative into profit.

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Didn’t they keep referring to Michael in their speeches and website as adopted until just last year, when he went public? And this is many years after he became angry and estranged from the family. The Tuohys made an entire storyline on this, got to pal around with movie stars and play the hero, well after Michael became angry with them. Isn’t this just a little bit disturbing? Of course there was no telling how this would play out when it all started, but to keep on with the charade until Michael went after them legally, isn’t that a little creepy?

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In the movie, which was released in 2009, the first year Oher was in the NFL and when he had earned a college degree and was still on good terms with the Ohers, there is a scene where LeighAnn says to her friends “it doesn’t make sense to adopt him as he’s turning 18 soon.” There is another scene when she is helping him get a driver’s license and it is clear she is not a parent or even a legal guardian, and Michael knew that. He knew they were including him in the family but it wasn’t a legal arrangement.

He was a kid who spent his whole life in the system. He knew what it was to be a foster kid, in a guardianship, and what it would take to become adopted, including going to court and answering the question if he wanted to be adopted. He knew he hadn’t been legally adopted. Of course he has the option to stop considering them his parents and stop calling them Mom and Dad and ask them to stop referring to his as adopted.

Many people call non-legal parents (step parents, aunts and uncles, foster parents) ‘mom and dad’. My mother was known as Nana to all our friends, all the kids on the sports teams (as many as 800/year for the teams my brother runs) and all of them know she’s not really their grandmother. My sister’s stepson called her Nana and received the same $10/month all the grandchildren got in their bank accounts, but he knew she wasn’t a legal grandmother. It may have made Oher mad after the fact, but he knew at the time he started calling them mom and dad that they weren’t his legal parents. He has stepchildren in his home (since his early time in the NFL) and knows that they aren’t legally his children since he didn’t adopt them. I bet they call him Dad (don’t know for sure).

He got the same share of the book and movie rights as the Tuohys and their children. They split everything by 5. Should he have gotten more? Who knows. There wouldn’t have been a book without Michael but their wouldn’t have been one without the Tuohys either. The Blind Side (book) wasn’t as heavily about Michael as the movie was. The book was really more about the system and how a hs athlete has to get through it. It was Michael’s story of going through it, but it goes into detail about Lawrence Taylor, the recruiting report that it is really necessary to get into and get a high score, the All American game, the academic requirements. It does talk about the families who helped Oher (should they get a cut?), the foster family (should it get a cut, or maybe have to pay since they didn’t do a good job by him), his birth family (some helpful, others not so should they get a cut?) No one is going to be happy with how they come out in the end. And it wasn’t a huge amount of money from the book/movie, maybe $50k?

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I adopted my daughter from China in 1998 when she was almost 2. We lived in a predominantly and traditionally working-class African American community. Virtually all her friends on the block (like at least 10 kids) did not understand the concept of adoption. They knew about foster care and assumed I was my daughter’s foster mother. Through elementary school, they just.didn’t.get.it, no matter how many times we tried to explain it.

I am not sure where Michael Oher would have acquired this information. Certainly not from the Tuohys.

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Well small children probably would not understand adoption, guardianship, or fostering… No matter their racial community. Michael was in high school; so was at an age where he most likely understood various terms.

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As you know, my daughter was also adopted and she knew and her friends knew what that meant. When she started high school and was filling out forms, it asked for ‘name of mother’ and then ‘relationship.’ Choices were Natural mother, step mother, legal guardian or foster mother. She knew, at 14, that those were all wrong and left it blank.

Michael Oher knew that he’d not been to court, not changed his last name, not been asked (by a court or social worker) if he wanted to be adopted. He knew that his youngest siblings had been adopted; he was the middle of 13 kids and all those younger than him had been adopted and he’d lost contact with them because they were no longer in foster care.

I think for him it was emotional, not legal, that was the issue.

I wonder if he filled out a FAFSA? If so, he would have known his status.