<p>wis75 – I agree that full potential as most of us define it is not high on the Duggars’ list of priorities. The Duggar children are home-schooled according to a very strict, fundamentalist Christian educational system that publishes its own home school materials and strongly discourages engagement with the broader culture. I wonder to what extent these parents will allow specialists and educators from the outside world to enter their insular world in order to meet their preemie’s basic developmental needs.</p>
<p>I know that I will be part of a microscopic minority here as I actually support the Duggar family. I believe that to accuse the parents of placing their needs ahead of their children’s is highly judgemental. I also believe that to accuse them of robbing their children of their childhood must only come from ignorance. I say this as I am the oldest son in a family of 18 children. I have 9 brothers and 8 sisters. I would never want to have lived my life and my childhood any other way. I would hope that no matter how abhorrent you find the Duggar family and their lifestyle, that you could at least say a prayer for the health of their newest family member.</p>
<p>RadDad: We do judge on CC. Sorry, but to my mind, the older Duggar daughters are basically slaves – compelled to raise their younger siblings with no compensation and no choice. You are certainly entitled to your opinion. And of course I do not wish ill health for their newest child or any of the rest of their family.</p>
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<p>That is one of the several ways that they pay their bills. They get a lot of money from those cameras…</p>
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<p>MD may be 40 years old, but I bet her uterus feels about 80!</p>
<p>RadDad, I would love it if you could share more about what that was like. As an only child, I was always envious of large families. Frankly, I think a lot of people on CC think they know what being in a huge family would be like, but really have no idea. It would be nice to have some kind of reality check. I’d also like to think that there are other values on the planet with merit besides those associated with getting into college. Many people seem to have stumbled successfully through life without the CC value system, whatever that is.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, there are more than a hundred thousand children in the United States alone who are waiting for someone to adopt them:</p>
<p>[ADOPTION</a> INSTITUTE: FOSTER CARE FACTS](<a href=“http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/FactOverview/foster.html]ADOPTION”>http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/FactOverview/foster.html)</p>
<p>RadDad - as the first of 18 children, you surely had a different experience than the youngest group in the family… I’m guessing you had a lot more parental attention than later kids. I also know two individuals who came from families with 12 children. Each opted to have one child of their own. That speaks to something…though I’m not sure what.</p>
<p>Why on earth does everyone think the older daughters should be responsible for their younger siblings? Why doesn’t anyone assign any responsibility to the older sons? All of the older children should be expected to help, not just the girls.</p>
<p>^Well, if you believe that a woman should have 18 children, you’re statistically much more likely to believe that raising a family is a woman’s primary goal.</p>
<p>I agree with those posters who feel the parents are being selfish by not putting the needs first of the children they already have when continuing to have children. I don’t watch this show regularly but I saw an episode when Michelle was checking out the hospital where she would have the last baby (before this youngest one). Her ob/gyn who delivered the first 17 kids refused to treat her if she got pregnant again because of the condition of her female organs. So they switched doctors to one who <em>would</em> treat her for number 18 and this one perhaps.</p>
<p>I am the mother of an only child. Unfortunately, medical conditions made it dangerous for me to have another child after my first and only was delivered (healthy thankfully). Dangerous for me and dangerous for any future fetus. My ob/gyn told me as he released me from the hospital that I needed to think long and hard before I decided to have another because not everyone with my conditions was as fortunate as I to be going home with a healthy baby. It was more important to us that DD have a mother than to risk another pregnancy.</p>
<p>wjb: In my experience, I never felt myself to be ‘basically a slave’ with no compensation and no choice in helping to raise my younger siblings. I did feel compelled to do so, as my parents taught me that it was my filial responsibility to look out for and care for my family members. It is your opinion that this is how the Duggar children should feel, I know that this is not the case for me or for my sisters and brothers.</p>
<p>mimk6: It is difficult to describe what it was like growing up in a large family. That is mainly because I have no idea what it would be like to grow up otherwise. The things that I did not like were the total lack of privacy and the constant noise level that was inescapable. But I was never lonely or lacking someone to play with. The family around the corner with 8 children were always at our house or we were at theirs. Another family of 12 lived 2 blocks away and they were part of the crowd that we played with. By the time I started grade school, I was responsible for washing and drying the dishes, helping with laundry and helping with keeping the house clean. As I got older I had more chores and that included changing diapers and bathing the younger kids. Again, since this was all that I knew, it didn’t seem unusual or different or slave-like. I married a woman who was from a family of 8 children. We have 3 children of our own, planned on more, but due to difficulties that did not happen. Our children love having such a large family with 26 cousins at last count on my side. There are always enough to play volleyball, football, kickball, etc when we get together. Again, the downside is the volume of the noise. It never seems to bother my parents though, they are happy to see all of us together. </p>
<p>anxiousmom: Actually, the youngest group of children in my family have had more attention from my parents than the rest of us. The family naturally separated into three groups, oldest, middle, youngest. The oldest of us began taking on chores at an earlier age than those in the middle, and the youngest group had far less responsibility at the same age. As far as having large families of our own, I have 3 children, three of my siblings have 4 children each, four more have 2 children, three more have 1 child each and the rest are childless (they are all unmarried). I think that speaks to the fact that we are all different, with different personalities and priorities.</p>
<p>“Why on earth does everyone think the older daughters should be responsible for their younger siblings? Why doesn’t anyone assign any responsibility to the older sons? All of the older children should be expected to help, not just the girls.” </p>
<p>That is the reality in the Duggar family. People familiar with them have seen that it is the girls who take care of the younger ones. Part of that is because they had a boy first, then boy/girl twins, then three more girls, then some more boys, a girl, more boys, three girls and now Josie. So there were four older girls available. One of the Duggar parents (I think it was Michelle on 20 Years, 20 Duggars) has actually stated that they were lucky that they had those four girls before they had all the younger boys, because it made caring for the children much easier. </p>
<p>I agree with the posters who believe that it should never be the job of a child to have major responsibility for a sibling. The adults choose to become parents; it’s one thing to help out once in a while, but the parenting should be done by the parents.</p>
<p>All that said, my heart goes out to Josie (and the sisters that will be taking over most of her care).</p>
<p>What an interesting thread! To see so many diverse opinions. I myself am the 6th of 8 children, and married a man from a bigger family. When I was growing up (born in 1958 – bsck in the days when kids walked to school – yes, and dinosaurs roamed the earth, as my kids say), we did chores. I did dishes with my older sisters, helped fix meals, learned how to wash and hang the laundry, fold it when dry, and how to sprinkle it and how to iron it – yes, this was in the days when we girls all wore cotton dresses to school – before the advent of polyester. I was responsible for keeping my own room (shared with a sister until I was 14) clean, bringing down my own laundry, and carrying the clean clothes upstairs. I also learned how to clean a bathroom, how to use paste wax on the furniture and how to clean Venetian blinds (easiest to scrub on your knees in the bathtub). I never felt like it was slave labor – it was part of growing up and learning how to run a household. I learned independence and responsibility and how to be self reliant. The result is that when I had completed my education (that I paid for all by myself), and was able to move into my own place, I knew how to take care of myself. When I married at age 30, I chose a man who wanted the same things as me – I wanted to be a stay-at-home Mom, and that’s what he wanted, as well. I’ve never looked at it as though I “gave up my career” – I just took on a tougher and more important one. My children started learing chores from the time they were little – I still giggle when I remember them tossing laundry over the upstairs railing and laughing, then pushing the laundry basket down the stairs, and tossing the clothes back into it. They cleaned bathrooms and learned how to do laundry, and can cook and do yard work and keep their rooms tidy. Again, none of this is slavery – and it’s a good thing. Shortly after our son turned 14, he left the local high school to attend a state funded boarding school for kids gifted in Math and Science. There he lives in a dorm, much like college, and he was really glad that he had learned the SKILLS of living – washing his clothes, cleaning his bathroom – he was WAY ahead of the curve when compared to the kids whose Mothers or parents (or maids, in some cases) did all of the work around the house. Both of my children make be very proud, and are responsible, reliable and respectful – I don’t think I can ask for much better than that.</p>
<p>sisfidy, it doesn’t sound like you were given the primary responsibility to care for an assigned younger sibling – everything from diapering to dressing them in the morning to putting them to bed. That’s what we’re talking about with the Duggars. You’re talking about contributing to the household and taking caring of yourSELF. I don’t think anyone has an argument with that.</p>
<p>I agree with Hanna. Also, sisfidy, you had the opportunity to pursue higher education. As I understand it, the Duggar girls do not; several of them are college-aged, and on the episodes I’ve watched I have never heard any mention of college or vocational school. In any event, the premature birth of their youngest sister pretty much ensures that these young women will be required to serve as substitute mothers for the foreseeable future. For all I know, they’re quite content with this arrangement, and I realize I’m viewing the situation through my own lens, but I don’t think it’s right to expect – demand – that siblings assume primary responsibility for raising other siblings. Raising children is the parents’ job, and kids raising kids is not in anyone’s best interests.</p>
<p>Anyone remember an episode of Duggars where they went to visit an oldest daughter who lives away from the family somewhere? I remember there being some sort of issue with the life style this daughter had chosen to live so they hadn’t seen her in a very long time. I don’t think they were specific but it made me wonder about the details that caused the estrangement.</p>
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<p>I refuse to watch the Duggars, but remember hearing about that episode. Which got me thinking…wouldn’t some of the Duggar daughters be of “marrying age” by now? Do they have any suitors? Are they unavailable as long as the family needs nannies? Just wondering. 
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<p>My Mom had 7 children. The females were trained from an early age to cook and clean. My brothers had to mow the lawn and take out the trash. Our chores were gender specific. Child number 4 was born sickly and required a lot of care until he passed away at 30 months. My 2 oldest siblings had a lot of responsibility in caring for the younger kids. Child number 3 had health issues that required several surgeries that took him and my Mom out of town. My oldest sister took care of us while my Mom was away with my brother. I also had health issues as a young child that required hospital stays. My Dad was in the military at the time and my sister again took charge of the kids.
My oldest sister left home at 18 and never returned to live. She did not have children of her own. She tells us that by the time she left home she felt like she had already had children and did not want any of her own. My 2nd sister felt the same way. She is also childless. Child 3 is also childless. My Mom worked outside the home and it was my sisters who planned our birthday parties, sewed our clothes, cut our hair and made cupcakes when we needed to bring a treat to school. My oldest sister was the one who took me to tour colleges.
In our family the younger siblings definitely had life easier. We did not have anyone to care for and by that point my parents also had less mouths to feed and we had many extras that my older siblings did not get.</p>
<p>“The Duggars don’t seem to care about their kids developing to their full potential as most of us see it. I find their lifestyle abhorrent- they are not giving the rest of their kids what I would consider a good, optimal childhood. Quantity, not quality, is their modus operendi.”</p>
<p>What a strong word…abhorrent. I would use that for people who abuse their children. What I find interesting on CC is that while judgement goes on all the time, you are only allowed to be judgemnetal about certain things. If you are against say gay parents adopting infants you would be called out in very strong words</p>