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<p>Both. Neither. And other things.</p>
<p>Mine are both out of college and working – with one living an hour away from us and one living on the other side of the country. I miss having frequent contact with the faraway one and I miss knowing about the details of both of their lives. </p>
<p>But even more, I miss the children they used to be and the role I used to play in their lives. I feel that raising them was the most meaningful thing I ever did or ever will do. I miss having something that meaningful in my life and being that important to someone (two someones, actually). And it was fascinating to watch them grow and develop. </p>
<p>On the other hand – I am discovering that it is a pleasure to no longer be responsible for the logistics of three people’s lives (my husband always handled his own, but somehow, I always ended up handling everyone else’s). </p>
<p>A few months ago, while my son was visiting us, he developed a health problem that made it unwise for him to drive (temporarily). He had a rental car at the time, and he needed to fly home the next day. Suddenly, the logistics were all mine: I had to get him to the doctor, the pharmacy, and the airport; get permission from the rental car company to drive his rental car even though my name was not on the contract; and rearrange my schedule so I could drop off the car. And somehow, all this involved staying up most of the night, even though I needed to work the next day.</p>
<p>It suddenly occurred to me that although this was a unique situation, it greatly resembled what life used to be like – with me having to be responsible for the complicated logistics of other people’s lives as well as my own – and that it’s been a long time since I had to do anything like that. I don’t miss that part.</p>