There is a lot to address here. I have no dog in this fight, but as a parent with a college grad whose school had no Greek life, and a current college junior who joined a frat even though he knows I dislike them, I feel the need to dispel some of your assumptions and make you aware of a few realities.
I am sure students at MIT are as progressive as many other schools. Greek life is found at sooo many colleges and it doesn’t mean they aren’t socially progressive or highly intelligent. (Looking at you, Wesleyan.) You are WAY overthinking things. Greek life is about kids wanting to have as much fun as possible while they are in college. More about social progressiveness in a bit…
Guess what? He won’t care. It’s his experience, not yours.
I knew my son would probably join a frat. I told him we wouldn’t pay a penny for it and didn’t want to know about it, but I also said that if he joined one that was banned from campus, he would be coming home. It took me over a year to learn he did join, but at least it was a frat in good standing. If your kid really wants to join, you won’t be able to stop him.
And, do you want to? As I said, I don’t like them at all, by my son LOVES being in the frat. I don’t pay for it (he doesn’t live in frat house), and he’s happy, so I’m happy.
As terrible and unacceptable as sexual assault is, it happens at colleges without Greek life too.
There’s nothing magical or special about MIT or the students. Smart kids still do stupid and criminal things. They are away from parents, with a herd of other hormonal kids, drinking and partying. Sex is going to happen, and unfortunately, sexual assault too.
To address the social progressiveness issue, I too remember being surprised that some of the colleges my daughter applied seemed to have a LOT of sexual assaults reported. The other way of thinking about this is that some colleges are perhaps much more encouraging of students coming forward with such reports. Also, a college like NYU has a high percentage of students living in off campus housing (78%), and it might be that sexual assaults are occurring off campus.
At MIT, most students live on campus, and given that they are probably socially aware and progressive, the administration is possibly more open to being proactive and encouraging in taking the claims seriously.
Regarding Bro culture, some group will fill that gap, Greek Life or not. At my D’s college, which had NO Greek life, the athletes provided the bro culture and the parties, which my extremely studious and low-partying daughter attended probably more often than I will ever know.
Read the Clery Reports for any colleges of interest. Take into account the percentage of students living on campus and the overall campus culture. For instance, read the student section for MIT on niche. Can’t link it. They clearly don’t view themselves as frat boys.
I think you need to let your son steer his ship. Maybe frats aren’t his thing, or maybe they are. Be the crew, and let him be the captain. You’ll both be happier for it.