<p>I’m surprised that isn’t considered abusive… I think that’s highly inappropriate.</p>
<p>To each her own, and while I wouldn’t want to - didn’t many of our great-great-great-grandparents live in one-room homes? Go far enough back, or afield, and it’s pretty standard (or at least common) human behavior, so I don’t see how it could be considered abusive in and of itself. Not saying that abusive situations couldn’t exist.</p>
<p>… spousal abuse wasn’t considered abuse until only a few generations ago. Societal rules/norms change.</p>
<p>Also, fwiw, go “far enough back” and it doesn’t matter much because most children didn’t survive into adulthood and therefore may not have been exposed to that type of situation.</p>
<p>That behavior continues in many, if not most, impoverished cultures today, because there is no space to find privacy for “maintaining the relationship.” I just don’t think that, because we embrace a different set of societal norms, it means that human behavior that’s many thousands of years old is necessarily abusive. I see a clear difference between women being beaten and raped by their husbands because they were deemed chattel, and babies sleeping soundly in the same room, or even bed, where their parents are “maintaining the relationship.”</p>
<p>I slept in a bassinet in my parents’ room when I was an infant (very common practice in our neighborhood of small homes), and I don’t find it disturbing to think they may have been intimate while I was in there. I certainly don’t remember it, even though I did make it to adulthood.</p>
<p>I wanted to say what you said, frazzled, but you said it better. :)</p>
<p>fraz, that’s different than being IN THE BED. </p>
<p>I haven’t called it abuse, but it very well might be defined that way. I don’t know. I don’t care. I wouldn’t do it and I wouldn’t want MY parents to do it with me there. Just because other countries do it doesn’t mean it’s necessarily OK. I was simply refuting the notion that just because something was OK in times past necessarily means that it’s OK today.</p>
<p>
Is that what I said? I’m opposed to slavery, burning people at the stake, and putting people in jail because they’re gay - all of which were deemed okay in times past. We seem to be saying the same thing, from different viewpoints -
Of course you shouldn’t do anything you find offensive or disturbing when you’re raising your own kids.</p>
<p>I guess I might not be bothered if we’re talking about just an infant, but since we are debating attachment parenting I was envisioning toddlers and young children… kids that are aware enough to notice that something odd is going on, even if they don’t know what it is. I am hoping that wasn’t really what we were talking about. Can’t say I’d be totally thrilled about doing it with an infant in the bed, either, but I can see someone drawing that distinction.</p>
<p>I am not really sure history or what goes on in other cultures justifies having sex in front of your kid. Your kid has to grow up in THIS society.</p>
<p>Some of my friends had home births with their older children of various ages all in the room watching the actual delivery. I think that’s really “gross” and would never want my kids attending the births of their siblings. Doubt I could concentrate during labor with an audience. </p>
<p>Some of my kids (around age 1-2) were unknowingly present (asleep) during the “creation” of a sibling. I know a lot of people think that is icky or weird–but it is not abusive to the child in any way–child is sound asleep on the other side of king-sized bed.
I probably would’ve thought it was disgusting early in my marriage, too. But you can change your mind and see that different things might work for your family at different stages. I’m really not a promoter of the “family bed”–if you’re uncomfortable with it, don’t do it.<br>
I DO agree that it is abusive to have older children awake in the room who actually see parents “maintaining their relationship,” or if the parents don’t stop/cover up if a child walks in the room. No way do I think kids should see/watch parents in the act, or watch movies with sex scenes. (I can’t even stand sex scenes in R rated movies.)</p>
<p>Eva, that’s what I assumed, too. </p>
<p>Imagine if the child heard and repeated it to a teacher or something.</p>
<p>It just shows how our perceptions vary.
I have a small house, & my H and I don’t um- do that ( in the house anyway), when she is in the house, even now. No huge inconvience, we do have self control, and I am not the quiet as a mouse type. Even if you think you are quiet, I doubt you are noiseless.</p>
<p>We did have both of our kids sleep with us, off and on, depending on what was going on in our lives, until they were 5 or 6 or so.
Their dad worked swing shift for many years + weekends - going to work at two, getting home at twelve and taking until two or three to unwind enough to go to bed. Rinse- repeat.
I felt that having them sleep with us, at least gave them a little more contact with their dad, than just the two weekends he was home.</p>
<p>Of course, it may also have something to do with them being eight years apart.
;)</p>
<p>Time didn’t like all the cracks about their cover last month.
[TIME</a> Magazine – U.S. Edition – June 11, 2012 Vol. 179 No. 23](<a href=“http://www.time.com/time/magazine]TIME”>TIME Magazines | TIME)</p>
<p>So if the FBI or the CIA found this picture of a minor sucking a womans breast on someones computer they would be charged with possessing child pornography. How is it that TIME magazine gets a pass just by calling it breast feeding?</p>
<p>emerald, I don’t see a story at that link above which matches your reference. Which story is it?</p>
<p>It’s nice that we have the luxury, here in America, to decide whether we will “maintain the relationship” with kids in the room or not. There are many parts of the world where it is not a choice to have a separate room for parents.</p>
<p>Nrdsb4
I was just making a joke about their how to die cover.
:o</p>
<p>Here is one of my favorite responses to the the question posed by Time…“are you mom enough”…worth a read…</p>
<p>[What</a> being ‘Mom enough’ really means - MD Mama - Boston.com](<a href=“http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/health/mdmama/2012/05/what_being_mom_enough_really_means.html?p1=Well_Health_links]What”>http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/health/mdmama/2012/05/what_being_mom_enough_really_means.html?p1=Well_Health_links)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Oops. I saw other articles which appeared to be “in defense of” various cover stories…</p>
<p>Thanks for posting that, MomofaKnight! It is concise, well put and a breathe of fresh air. I’m glad I opened this thread after all :)</p>
<p>Yes, thanks, MomofaKnight! Well-written article that hits all the major points. Love it!</p>