<p>My oldest friend is someone I met when I was six and she was five. We knew each others’ families, ate and slept at each others’ houses, and even though we only speak maybe twice a year, it’s as if we never stopped.</p>
<p>I also still have many friends from my HS days. I never see them, but we Facebook and are aware of each other.</p>
<p>My current circles include parents of S1’s HS friends, parents of S2’s HS friends, some work-related friends, and folks from the dog park. People come and go through the years. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing.</p>
<p>My husband and I sort of “lost” a friend not because of divorce but because her husband died after a horrible disease that took his life within a year of being diagnosed. Her husband was a friend of my husband and one of her kids is friends with one of my sons. Before her husband died she would call every day and we would talk on the phone while we were making dinner. But afterwards I think in the beginning it was difficult for her to do things with us because it reminded her of her husband. She had women friends who were divorced and she felt they had more in common with her than we did. We still talk on occasion but not nearly as much as we used to.</p>
<p>I moved away from the house where we lived for 20 years and raised our D. I had two neighbors there I was close with, and although I talk to them and see them now and then (1.5 hrs away), it’s just not the same as seeing them every day and sharing daily life really. My best friend in my former town works full-time so I seldom see her, though we talk frequently. We’ve been friends for 28 years, since we were both pregnant with our kids who then went through preschool and then high school together. You really have a bond with a friend of that duration. </p>
<p>Another good mom friend of the last 30 years has moved, divorced and remarried, and I don’t talk to her too often any more. We were very close when our kids were little. I don’t think I will find such close women friends again. I live in a rural vacation area now, and I find it very hard to make friends here.</p>
<p>I too find my number of friends has diminished since the kids left for college. I am only in touch with 2 of them and try to get together during “even” months. </p>
<p>I need to take a lesson from my widowed Mom who has scores of friends and her funeral will be well attended! She still sees the old neighbor ladies from her 1960’s & 70’s coffee group. Mom is active in her church (not so much from a religious perspective, but helping with funeral food and the library), she is in 2 knitting groups (one for the quality of the knitters and the other because she loves the group) and she is involved in a quilting group and a book club.</p>
<p>Not long ago I was grumbling about the lack of good friends and Mom said to me “Well dear, you have to BE a friend to have a friend” She is right, I need to join some groups and to start being the one who invites friends/potential friends to lunch. Last week I was waiting in the check out line at Ann Taylor and really enjoy chatting with another woman. I almost asked her if she wanted to get a cup of coffee, but that just felt weird!</p>
<p>WE went from seeing each other daily for at least couple hours to few times / year. Better than nothing in my books, but some might disagree. I would say, just follow your personal preference, what is a big deal anyway?</p>
<p>I could have written your post bookiemom, I too moved away after our children graduated HS. I miss those friends who I see rarely, and haven’t made the great friends I had where I am now. </p>
<p>But I know the friends I had in my old place, their friendships have also changed. </p>
<p>One thing I find where I am now is that many here have family nearby and their social circle is their family. We are the odd ones with kids and family all over the country.</p>
<p>I found that over the years I really changed. I was in my early 20’s when I had D1, and now… well, um… I’m not. :p</p>
<p>I have a few friends from the early Montessori days. One is my best friend. Our kids drifted, but she was such a great friend and loved to do the same things as me. We would and still do go to museums and whatnot. We really became family friends and I’m quite close with her whole family. Our kids love to see each other a few times a year and whatnot.</p>
<p>Other than that, most of my friends have been business associates, or people I met through H. H has a pack of best friends from college and we go to all the sporting events together. So, we see a lot of them all year round. A few of the wives have become my closest friends and one of the guys is like a brother to me.</p>
<p>My youngest is going to college and we are moving this fall. I’m looking forward to the adventure of a new place. But, we picked a place that has a lot of things to do we really love to do. </p>
<p>I think Kajon is right. If you want friends, you need to join groups like church and whatnot and do the things together with everyone.</p>
<p>Basically, if you are willing to spend time with people. then you will be spending more time with people, if you are like me prefer being at home after work/exercise then you will not be with people. Whatever you prefer, there is nothing wrong with either preference.</p>
<p>I identify with so many comments on this thread. My parents still get together for coffee with surviving high school friends, but then they all still live in or very near the same town in which they grew up. I live in a different state from where I attended high school. When I’ve returned for reunions, it seems so many of those high school acquaintances also still live in the same area. Thus they’ve continued to see each other over the years in church, in the supermarket, for school functions, etc. In fact, some of their children are now good friends and/or classmates. By virtue of geography, I am left out of that social network. It always felt a little insular and suffocating to me, but the sense of community is very nice and sometimes I feel sad not to have that.</p>
<p>Here, I’ve “lost” quite a few friendships due to people moving far away with job transfers or to escape our state’s very high property taxes, and also because of their divorces. The divorced ladies now tend to socialize with other divorced people, since it’s more comfortable for them that way.</p>
<p>What’s difficult with some of the remaining or newer friendships I have, is that during a person’s 40’s and 50’s certain behavior patterns and life style decisions start to come home to roost in ways both positive and negative. So, I concur with post #16 that some friendships can become strained if success levels vary too much. Jealousy is a nasty thing. One girlfriend experienced some envy issues with friends when she and her H purchased a beach house. I’ve been the victim of jealousy over my kids’ athletic and college admissions success. On my end, life is pretty good over all (unlike for others who have heartaches over their marriages or wayward children), but I don’t have nearly the same quantity of disposable income as many around me, so I hesitate to join social circles I see will involve lots of spending. This restricts me. Also, unlike many of my friends who hail from large families, I have a very small extended family and no one living close. In contrast, many people I know stay busy with family events like birthdays, first communions, graduations, and now funerals too. </p>
<p>In sum, I wish I had a larger social circle and I really wish we had couple friends. But H works from home or travels for his job out of state, so his social outlet is limited. My closest relationships are with fellow moms (various individuals, not a clique) I met years ago through church or the kids and our interactions now happen mostly by regular phone calls and texting. We all have different schedules, we don’t all live that close anymore, and some of us have begun to get very busy with caring for elderly parents. So we seldom see each other, but talk regularly. This is satisfying except for times like Memorial Day weekend when it would be nice to host a picnic or attend one but people are all off at their relatives’ or their vacation homes. Sigh.</p>
<p>IMHO, having friends is important. It makes me happy. So if I find my social life is waning, I’ll do something about it – say, invite a few neighbor couples over. Sometimes a relationship “takes,” and sometimes it doesn’t. But trying out a few new people is better than being alone, if what you want is to have people around.</p>
<p>It might not feel natural to do this when the invitees are only acquaintances, but I think everybody loves an invitation!</p>
<p>In fact, when my daughter stopped athletics this last year due to an injury and I found that time I used to spend at the field or at the court on the weekends empty, I joined a running group.</p>
<p>I like to have people in my life. I like my alone time, too. But, when I find myself at loose ends, I do something about it. Of course, everyone has their own path.</p>
<p>“IMHO, having friends is important. It makes me happy.”
-Here is a difference between different people. Some are happy to spend time with people while others are happy to spend time painting picture and a third group is lloking forward to make another pottery peice. The key is to find WHAT makes you personally happy. If it is a circle of friends on a regular basis, then why not pursue this? But it is not what makes other people happy. Others are OK with ocasional get together, their job. exercise routine, hobby pursuits provide more than enough social interaction on a daily basis. They really appreciate “disconnected” time, time to pursue what you personally wnat to pursue without anybody being there, no phone, no radio, no TV, you and your own thoughts, I believe that this has been greatly undervalued and this creates stress that could have been avoided if people only realize that person needs to be alone for sometime to regroup.</p>
<p>Post 29–“envy issues when she and her H purchased a beach house.”
We have friends whose H says “I want ALL my friends to have a vacation house!” Now that’s the right attitude!</p>