<p>Since the kids have dated for 5 years, I sort of suspect that he will be a permanent fixture. He brought up the Mother/Son dance that evening. Yes, it was at the moment of despair, but he mentioned it last week as well. </p>
<p>I really didn’t know his mother well. But I did know her. And yes, in the program she, with my parents, would be honored. And yes, you are right. When the time comes, the idea will come to us.</p>
<p>And I normally would not bring up this question, except that the young man told me (without my asking anything) what he was planning to do when he graduates. And my daughter has begun to talk about diamonds (cushion cut…). So I suspect that we may have a wedding in our future.</p>
<p>It’s so sad, but so normal too, for his thoughts to turn to the things he will not be able to do with his mother. And she was so young, not ill…the shock must be terrible. </p>
<p>It truly is a gift that he will be marrying into such a kind and thoughtful family. I found your question to be very touching.</p>
<p>At my friends wedding the groom’s uncle, an accomplished singer sang Danny Boy as a tribute to the groom’s mother. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room. The groom’s stepmother held onto the groom as he cried. A very Irish wedding.</p>
<p>Well, from afar I am tearing up from Danny Boy. And, without a drop of Irish blood in any part of all the respective families…good lyrics reach out to all. So, I started thinking about Danny Boy and it hit me: Natalie and Nat King Cole’s Unforgettable duet. </p>
<p>This dance is very importent to the young man. And paying homage to his mother is importent. If and when they marry the mother will be very much present without being maudlin. (And since I was sick a few years ago and have, at times, doubted my presence at my kids’ weddings…I WILL be there damnit! I know, from my kids’ perspective how importent and the need to be elegant and gracious is in this situation.)</p>
<p>I guess if my son ever gets married, they’ll really have to rewrite the etiquette book. Not only will there be two grooms, but one of them (at least) will have two female parents, one of whom is his biological father. So who would dance with whom, I’m really not sure. Hopefully, my son wouldn’t feel too embarrassed to do so with me. (If he did feel that way, well, that’s OK also. I can be proud and happy without that; being there and being publicly acknowledged as his parent will be enough.) Of course, assuming there’s at least one male father somewhere in the picture, I don’t see why he couldn’t dance with his own son too. </p>
<p>This is, of course, all purely hypothetical. Although my son has, for the first time at age 20, started this summer to try to meet people online, and has actually gone out with a couple. (I’m pleased that he doesn’t mind telling me about the ones he’s met.) Interestingly, as recently as a couple of years ago, he adamantly insisted that he would never want to get married. But just last weekend he spent part of an afternoon in Fort Tryon Park (the location of the Cloisters, just a few blocks from where we live now), and when he came home he told me all about a beautiful Jewish wedding he’d watched, on a hill near some flowerbeds, overlooking the Hudson River, and said that that’s where he’d like his wedding to be.</p>
<p>I admit it; it made me feel very happy to hear him talk about the concept so positively. So, I guess there’s hope! (Maybe even for grandchildren someday, who knows?)</p>
<p>Donna, That is sweet. It is nice to them speak positively of future things. Especially those things that could result in grandchildren!</p>
<p>If our sons married (wouldn’t that be wonderful!), we could pick one song for the two grooms, three moms and one dad to dance too together. Maybe “We are family?” And we would have the time of our lives!</p>