<p>Funny you should mention that since S1 was supremely indifferent to the whole process. He even told me to open the mail and check the emails, because he didn’t want to mess with it. </p>
<p>He was pefectly willing to answer questions about schools and what he wanted/didn’t want, but I did the research (coming up with a list that he then was made to analyze for what he thought he might like) and planned the visits. He did do the application work (5 schools which HE narrowed list down to), but with me using a cattle prod (okay, nagging -mama’s secret weapon) to make him finish according to MY deadline (essays done before school started, recommendation requests in to teachers by the end of Sept, etc) and all his applications were finished and sent in by the end of October. Then there was nothing to do but wait.</p>
<p>When he protested a deadline once, my H told him that there will always be a job for ditch-diggers. </p>
<p>The only time the kid got animated about college was during spring break when he visited the schools that accepted him. The decision was 100% his to make. I didn’t realize how much he had perhaps been stressing over things until he told us his decision - the kid started smiling and laughing again. I don’t think he had felt that carefree since last September.</p>
<p>Another thought about summer visits: quite often, there are students on campus, but they’re not the students from the regular school year, but students, often high school students, attending one special summer program or another. Iirc, one of the many groups using UCLA over the summer is a cheerleading camp. I know of at least one person who got an underwhelming impression of Smith until they realized that the students they’d encountered were “summer imports.”</p>
<p>Hello from a mom who writes most of the checks (because DH once forgot to mail the car insurance payment on time…).
We visited 2 over spring break with D#2, one she loves enough to apply ED (for now), the other none of us liked. We’ll visit a couple more over summer but won’t in fall, not with our schedules. Her safety is in the next town, so she’d live home; can visit anytime.</p>
<p>I was actually surprised when I learned that S wanted to go visit most of his schools. Hes the type that really doesn’t get really excited about things like this, but I think after the first college visit he started to feel more excited about applying. He’s applying to six with two safeties that hes applying to, so far. Here is his current list:
1)Columbia University
2) John Hopkins University
3) Boston University
4) University of Chicago
5) Colby College
6) Bates College
7) University of New Hampshire
8) Rutgers University</p>
<p>Don’t worry if your D/S seems to be indifferent to the process. S/he is not! It is extremely stressful, and people react to stress in different ways. Indifference is a buffer, and a defense mechanism. For us (D is freshman in September), the trick was to see only a small handful of schools at a time. We were able to do three or four small visits between spring break and summer. We did visit one school after she applied. This helped with the stress and with remembering what we saw. A big suggestion-- bring along a camera so that you will be able to trigger your memory. It’s a tough process, but I agree with an earlier post that seeing the schools (in session or out) is really important. It’s a subjective thing, as much as anything else.</p>
<p>I have a rising senior, and we will be visiting colleges this month, in June, and in July. I figure summer is better than nothing, which was our other option. S is not that “into” this whole process yet. I’ve done most of the research, and he has been pretty hands-off except when I press him for input. He has definite preferences, to be sure, but I’m not sure if they’re steeped in any actual research. His list contains 10 schools right now, all but one of them (which he doesn’t want to go to anyway) are clear across the country. We will be visiting 7 of them over the summer. Visits to the others will occur if/when he’s accepted since we have limited time and funds to do these visits. </p>
<p>I think he is excited to visit the schools, and I know I am; we really have no idea what to expect. H and I did not go the traditional college route ourselves, so we’re not familiar with these big campuses.</p>
<p>Reflections from the been-there/done-that perspective:</p>
<ol>
<li> On student indifference: The parent should figure out the deadlines for the in-state public and for one absolute safety school, if that is something other than the in-state public. Make sure that the student gets that application in on time. If the kid is truly “indifferent” that will be enough – the kid will go to college and it won’t matter, because the kid didn’t care.<br></li>
</ol>
<p>*This will never come to pass, actually – because as soon as the kid realizes that if he does nothing, he will end up “stuck” at the local state U., the kid will suddenly become very interested in the process… the only exception are kids who really, truly do want to attend their local state U’s or community college. </p>
<p>However, as a parent you will find the process a whole lot stressful if you simply view your sole responsibility as ensuring the safety net. Also, the more “indifferent” you seem as a parent, the more likely the student will feel an inner sense of panic at the prospect of ending up at the safety/local state U – and start hustling. It definitely helps if, as copter found, you supply a parental “list” that includes a college that your student does not like – it will help get the message across that relying on mom (or dad) can be a risky strategy.</p>
<ol>
<li>On visiting: It saves a lot of parental time if the kid goes to visit the college without the parent – either traveling on his/her own, or with some other kid’s parents. I realize that this goes entirely against the grain of CC parenting… but hey, it worked for me. ;)</li>
</ol>
<p>Love “reactance psychology.”
Sounds an awful lot like when kids were 3: “Whatever you do, please don’t eat your vegetables.”
Veggies were consumed within minutes.</p>
<p>I have one of those completely indifferent sons. He is an average student who is still caught up in his high school social life and just can’t seem to picture himself anywhere else right now. A state u or Comm. Coll. are his only options. So, while I wish he were more interested in his future, I’m trying not be too pushy about it at this point.</p>
<p>My D is only mildly interested in the process. We have gone to 3 schools so far. She seems set on one particular school in NJ, a small private that is physically gorgeous but has the reputation among some of “the 13th grade.” I don’t want to have her paying off loans if that is the case for academics—they may be referring to the social scene, another matter. We’ll have to do more research on that one. She was just accepted to a competitive summer vocal program at a smallish NJ state school (one of the 3 schools we have visited). I’m really hoping that she falls in love with it during her time there. It’s got good programs in her areas of interest and is a little more academically rigorous than the private one (and cheaper!). She has to figure out a couple of other possibilities. Maybe Drew? Although we know of 2 boys who have recently failed out due in part to poor or absent advising (so they say). We’ll get more of a good idea of where to visit when the May SAT scores come out next week. UGH! this year is going to be very stressful!</p>
<p>nacln, We live overseas and our only choice was to visit in the Summer. Our son had to make the visits count too as there was no possibility of going back after the acceptances come in. We scheduled a whole day for each school – tour, info session, intervew plus free time for poking around campus and the nearby community.</p>
<p>Since we only visited during the summer I don’t have an apples to apples comparison, but my inclination is that you can get a pretty good “feel” for a place even though it’s not operating in fullswing. Your son can always re-visit and/or overnight once he knows where he was accepted.</p>
<p>My son’s objective was to end up with 8 schools across a range of selectivity. This was all that was allowed by his highschool. In order to end up with 8 he had to visit a lot more. A couple that were at the top pre-visit, fell off the list all together. A couple that weren’t even on the list were last minute “since we’re in the neighborhood” adds. These include the one that he will graduate from next month. So, it helps to have some flexibility.</p>
<p>Your son’s list seems to cover a range of school types. At this point this is a good thing but since it’s unlikely that he’s going to be thrilled by both Columbia and Colby (two very good schools, but two very different environments and personalities) I’d suggest that he expand to about 15-20 names. He doesn’t have to visit them all, but after he knows better the TYPE of school that he wants he can add and subtract accordingly.</p>
<p>This is especially true of safeties. It takes a fair amount of trial error to identify one or two that appeal. They are definitely out there but take more work than the super-selectives that are much easier to love.</p>
<p>nacln
I notice you plan to visit in August,when classes may be starting on campuses…check the Visitor’s Info pages,be aware that some schools may not offer tours during that initial first week of classes.You can visit,but may not get an official tour or info session.</p>