I thought of St John’s too!
Wanted to add that there is both a St. John’s college and a St. John’s university – the former is the one that has the Great Books program. Also, despite its name, it is a secular college as far as I understand.
St. John’s College | Liberal Arts College with a World-Class Faculty (sjc.edu)
My gut take on the answer to your question is that if your kid is into (or is willing to consider) DND or board games, a lot of colleges have board gaming groups/clubs which are very likely to be filled with “not into partying/sports” people.
And, realistically, it’s not really about playing the games, it’s more about hanging out and spending time with people and the odds are pretty good that after a few gaming sessions, your kid will probably find at least ONE person they have something in common with.
There’s sourdough bread baking, French pastry concocting, Morris Dancing, madrigal or sea chanty singing, organizing coat drives for the homeless, tutoring local school kids for Reading Partners or similar, teaching residents of a nursing home how to use Zoom to talk to their grandchildren… tons of clubs and organized groups which don’t involve games which are not everyone’s cup of tea.
Seconding Case Western, U Rochester, St Olaf, as well as colleges with a core, from Fordham and other Jesuit universities to Columbia to UChicago.
To offer colleges within his reach as well as targets and safeties we’d need his stats (gpa, rigor, test scores…)
Colleges with “music dorms” (where there are pianos and rehearsal studios…) or music-based living learning communities would also be worth investigating.
(You can consider that at St Olaf every dorm is a music dorm because 1/3 students are high-level musicians and AFAIK all have pianos and/or rehearsal rooms.)
Strong Honors colleges (USC Columbia, ASU Barrett, Penn State Schreyer, UGA Honors…) would also select and attract some more nerdier students than most students on a large campus and there would be tons of music organizations at any large flagships.
Substance-free housing is an excellent choice although depending on the university you may want to check whether it exists in addition to or mixed with the Recovery floor. Some floors or dorms are more broadly called “Wellness” or “Healthy living”. These are often nicer than the wild dorms, because the students are less likely to trash them.
Yes. I was just going to say this. A friend is an EMT at a highly selective university and he and his crew (all of whom hope to be in med school one day soon) are called to the substance free dorm more often than you’d think. For substances. He has a ton of compassion and, like you, is a champion of anyone struggling with addiction. But these dorms might not be the best place for a student like the OP’s child to escape.
Your kid sounds awesome. I know one very similar and she’s currently thriving at McGill in Montreal. She chose it for similar reasons and has not been disappointed.
This question resonates very strongly with me. Back in the day, I really respected the straightedge punk scene and was not a drug user myself (my body is my temple, and I wanted to keep whatever brain cells I got at birth!).
My kid has just started in STEM at a highly-regarded STEM school that has a nerdy/not so amazing party reputation. My kid is younger than the average frosh. So far, there has been “dry” partying and “wet” partying. In fact, anyone who wishes to find liquid or edible/other “partying supplies” can definitely do so from other students.
My kid and I have a close enough relationship, but I can’t say everything that is happening in their life. Up until a few weeks ago, my kid was a serious high-level athlete who hadn’t done any drugs and had very little exposure to alcohol. I have done my best to instill a strong sense of self in my kid, but who knows. My kid has a decent brain on their shoulders, and I have explained that drugs these days are even more dangerous than in the past due to what is being added to them. It is dangerous and chancy out there at any school - first-hand observation here.
Your kid sounds awesome. Any student who is serious about being around mature/not insecure people has to make the effort to meet a ton of other students consistently - then slowly evaluate if they are a quality close friend to build memories with over time. That is what my kid is focusing on this first year - in a supposedly nerdy school with a wide range of personality types attending.
Visiting accepted schools in person (within bugetary reason) is very important for the vibe check, our family found. And asking students in sessions where they can speak freely to the pros-cons of said school allowed my kid to make an informed decision.
I do have to say my kid is eager to check out parties (after years of having few to attend). But thus far, my kid appears to be out to meet people and observe the goings-on without feeling pressured to partake - expressing relief at finding situations where no one is pressured into anything they don’t want to do. And having drinking friends not neg the non-drinking friends in attendance. Our kids will find themselves in many social situations whether they like it or not at any school they attend. Finding other students of character is key.
I sent you a DM. Let me know if you have trouble accessing it.
I’m not sure what your other requirements are, but he might want to look at St. Olaf. They have a great speakers series, a robust music program, a debate team and a debate style publication, and a number of math-based clubs. It definitely fits the colder climate criteria. When we visited, it did seem that the teachers were very integrated into the school community. My son was very impressed by the honor code and how it incorporated everything from the library to a bicycle lending service to a cup collection.
It sounds like he might be interested in the Enduring Questions program. Courses – Enduring Questions
Liberty and BYU are both D1 schools and sports is big on the campuses. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that and I’m sure those schools, and many others like them, offer a lot to students who attend and don’t want to ‘do’ sports. I’d also note that students change in college. One of my kids was a recruited athlete and attended very few sporting events other than her own games and her boyfriend’s games. She does a lot of sports herself, but doesn’t spend a lot of time following them or watching them on tv now. My other child isn’t very athletic (did/does play hockey, but really she’s very bad at it) and she went to way more sporting events at her school because they were free to students (D1, and even football and basketball were included in student fees) because they were social events. She had no idea what was going on, but she’d go for an hour. She couldn’t drink because she wasn’t old enough and she wasn’t there for the drinking (at the sporting events, she did plenty of drinking at other social events, and she never drank in high school because she was a theater geek and they just didn’t do it).
I’d recommend a school like U of Denver. Great music, theater, and politics (especially international relations). No football but the school does have national champs in hockey, lacrosse and skiing (one can easily avoid watching skiing as it isn’t done on campus). It is urban and he could get to any music events, political events, and theater on a 15 minute light rail ride into downtown Denver. I know there are plenty of students at DU who never enter the field house (and I think they are missing out on a big part of college because that field house is very nice).
But I honestly think he could find music, theater, etc at any school of a certain size. I went to Boulder and it has a Shakespeare company, theater, music, dance, classics, politics., a Capella, Yes, 6 Saturdays a year it has a huge football game that takes over the campus parking lots and interferes with people who just want to stroll through campus. Six. Just go away for the weekend or take a hike or go to Denver to a concert. Or try football! He might like it.
All colleges will have things he doesn’t like (or hasn’t tried). He can ignore them, whether they are sports or an activity (a friend went to Colorado School of Mines and HATED the climb to paint the M white and leave a rock from her hometown, but it was one day), a required class like swimming, or the food on Wednesday. Same will be true for real life after college.
Some that come to mind:
Mount Allison, New Brunswick. UofT. McGill for sure. Deep Springs (some abstain, some don’t). Swarthmore. Brandeis. Case Western!!! Chicago. Columbia. Fordham. Carleton. JHU.
Seems like some of the obvious colleges in the US with less drinking/partying would be:
Some of the more serious Catholic colleges have pretty strict codes of conduct. Thomas Aquinas College has a curfew, I believe, and pretty strict rules regarding alcohol and drugs in the dorms. Same as Christendom College.
My son visited Hillsdale and we were surprised that it was NOT like that. I wouldn’t say it’s a free for all but it struck us as a “normal” college campus.
Houghton, in NY, seemed pretty “serious” but also open and fun.
I think you’ll really have to visit places and talk to people. For instance, St. John’s was mentioned. Very serious place. But also has a reputation for a certain kind of party atmosphere. Not a big rah-rah SEC football school. But it definitely has a scene.
I think most colleges have strict rules about drinking in the dorms, as most students living in dorms are 18-20. Many schools only have room for freshmen in the dorms and thus no drinking. The question is do they enforce those rules? No smoking, alcohol, pot, candles…but I’m sure a search of any dorm would turn up plenty. Pepperdine is very strict, and yet is a big party school.
At one daughter’s school (Wyoming, so a D1 school) they did. The RAs would come into the rooms sometimes and if they saw anything, there would be consequences. My other daughter was at a smaller school and the RAs would come in and check for things like illegal appliances (anything had to have an auto shut off, so no blenders or hot plates). They had kitchenettes. If they kept alcohol in their bedrooms, probably wouldn’t be found but also wouldn’t be cold as the fridge was in the kitchenette. She was an athlete so the coach was also checking alcohol consumption.
If a college kid wants to drink and party, there will be opportunities at any college, even the strict ones. I lived in a sorority with no alcohol allowed. A lot of girls kept a supply in the trunks of their cars and others just hid it in their rooms. Me? I followed the rules but still drank outside the house (legally and not-so-legally)
My daughter is at Brandeis and the partying is very limited. Fraternities do exist but are not officially recognized by the University and are not a major social driver. I think my daughter went to maybe two frat parties all year and plenty of kids avoid them altogether. Instead they mostly they go into Boston and the local town on Saturday nights.
I think a lot of large universities are going to have plenty of people who aren’t into the party scene - maybe especially campuses with “nerdier” reputations?
I just think about my D22 who attends Iowa State…she is super oblivious to sports and partying, and finds plenty to do with other students who are studious and like to hang out with no alcohol involved. She would often be studying with friends or picking up work shifts during football games. On Sunday I asked her if it was crazy around campus after Iowa State beat their rival Iowa on Saturday (it was an away game, but I remember when I lived there, everything felt a bit crazy after a big win even away). She was like, “no, I didn’t notice at all”. She was at a friend’s apartment making homemade pizza that evening and reflected that maybe it was a bit louder than usual on the way back to the dorms… 
So I think the kids that don’t want to drink or watch sports will be able to find like minded friends, especially on bigger campuses where there are bound to be all types of people.
My kid did substance free housing freshman year - it was a couple floors dedicated to it in a dorm building and then the next year you could go into a house. He was surprised by the religious vibe ( not a religious school) and actually ending up making friends with a few students on another floor that year who did drink. It turned out to be a nonissue- they couldn’t care less that he didn’t party.
My oldest son is a sophomore at Bard. He is taking jazz and computer science courses. Bard is fantastic for music, and allows him to explore pretty much anything else he wants. One thing he doesn’t want is to be around people drinking or smoking (cigarettes or otherwise). So he and a friend opted to be roommates in substance-free housing this year. He’s the kind of kid that will remind you if you break the rules, and support enforcing them. Anyway, he loves his experience at Bard so far, and has found that he can craft the environment he wants to participate in. And it has made all the difference.
My S25 sounds similar to your child @Nutmegger1 but he is a varsity athlete and wants to compete in college. A few schools from this list are also on my son’s list, plus Hope (MI) and Augustana (IL). He attends a private, Jesuit HS now and although he isn’t religious, he loves the environment.
Saint John’s was my thought too.