Moratorium on "gifted" and "brilliant"

Parent Cafe
141

<p>charmed, did you mean my son? Not sure as my first post noted: “He graduated at age 13” (so I wouldn’t think people would read it and think he was twelve).</p>

<p>In any case, he is 16 now.</p>

<p>And alh, overall, I feel our son is a lot of fun (not just to me, but people in general; I noticed early in his life that people looking at him in the background of photos just listening to him speaking to others were smiling, and he does get invited to a lot of things such that he often can’t make lots of things that he’d like to, like he has a grad student or faculty BBQ invitation and a teen party invitation for tomorrow and will likely just do one rather than try to juggle them as they are being held in far apart locations) and being his mom has certainly been a surreal, exciting adventure. I think my being his mother has been the same for him, though, as I’m a pretty wild person who likes to do a lot of different things and so he’s had experiences he wouldn’t have likely had if he hadn’t happened to just have me as one of his parents. And I have also raised him to do some mundane things to just help out, like as a kid, I brought him along with me when I volunteered to pack gift bags for artisans of a town arts festival and to stuff envelopes for a community newsletter and so tonight, he asked me if I would rather attend a debate competition in memory of a guy he knows from debate team who died a year ago or stuff envelopes for an organization he is active in (rather than hide that the organization could use help stuffing envelopes and just attend the debate they wanted to attend, as I suspect some teens would) as both start at the same time, and I figure we’ll go to the debate and then the place where the envelope stuffing is taking place as odds are that will last longer than the debate and it would be nice to honor the deceased debate team member. For some things, at least, I think my being his parent has worked out okay.</p>

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<p>Lazy, I asked his age because if you said he was 25 (sorry, I’m scanning your posts so haven’t picked up every detail) I would have said he needs to get his act in gear. But his behavior sounds like that of a typical 16 year old, in a very non-typical situation. Maturity comes with age and he has a few years to go. When he is 25 and missing deadlines and meetings, the boss might not be so accommodating.</p>

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<p>I HATE the gifted label!!!</p>

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<p>Charmed, I think people in his field will, sadly, still be plenty forgiving of missing deadlines and oversleeping and such as <em>everyone</em> (and I do mean <em>everyone</em>, even females who have a stereotype of being good about being on time, doing work on time, etc.) at his lab (and I am now getting the feeling also at other top school labs in science and professionals who attend conferences around the globe in his area of study) does the same sort of nonsense and FAR WORSE. When our son was 8, he was on a panel for the Smithsonian/White House Millennium Celebration and one of the ADULT grad students overslept the rehearsal for the to be aired live panel and showed up only minutes before the camera started rolling. So even our very first encounter with people from his lab gave us a hint of what could be to come, but we had back then just figured, “Wow, it’s amazing that he isn’t being fired” (and he did get his Ph.D. and start his own company). Yesterday was the thesis submission deadline for our son’s department and our son handed in his thesis at around 10:15 AM (it had to be handed in person to the lab administrator before she left work that day, so he was hours from the true deadline, though this still seemed close to me). He was told he was the first to hand it in who had followed directions and sent in his electronic copy to the library and the lab first, and only one other person had handed it in at all yet. At 4 PM, he attended an ice cream party for his lab (they usually have tea at 4 PM on Fridays, but this was special due to it being the end of the term) and he was in a group with four fellow master’s candidates when he was asked if he had submitted his thesis; it turned out the other four had all gotten extensions till August to graduate in September or something and that at his lab, it is the rare student who actually graduates on schedule in June.</p>

<p>So people always are saying this procrastination, oversleeping, etc. is just a maturity thing, but sorry, I think it’s an endemic “able to get away with it” thing for graduate students and at many labs (not even just our son’s). And from what I’ve heard about and seen with my own eyes on visits to his campus, he is way out in front as far as being <em>more</em> on the ball than the others in general (yes, actually far MORE mature than most of even far older ages). But this could be because the others have just had more time to keep getting away with more and more outrageous behaviors.</p>

<p>When our son and the post doc and the guy with several master’s degrees all missed their flight to a business meeting due to chatting physics and not paying attention to the plane boarding, I said to him, “Well, enjoy this trip as you are all going to be fired after this debacle.”</p>

<p>He laughed and said, “That’s just silly. We haven’t been hired because we catch planes on time. We’ve been hired because we’re good engineers and they’ll keep us on.” And sure enough, they renewed their sponsorship! :O</p>

<p>So I fear this could be a lifelong “shaping” going on, though our son said yesterday that he feels he can still change back to being on the ball but that this could take a few years to no longer be a procrastinator.</p>

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<p>Garland, I couldn’t say it better myself. Mine is still in high school, and lazy as the day is long. No work ethic, drives me crazy, BUT I love the way his mind works and wouldn’t trade it for anything. Maybe he’ll be the best-read gas station attendant in the world, and I’ll just have to be O.K. with it. I’m working on it…</p>

<p>BTW, if this seems out of context, it is because I was replying to post #41—sorry!</p>

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<p>post 10, its a good thing that there is inherent positive specialness implied. because the gifted are special in a positive way. it seems that the main problem with the label is the jealousy of parents. the kids will always no who is smart, labels or no. so, the label is not going to cause the feeling of downtrodden-ness on the part of the rest of the class. it is attitudes like those on this thread that cause downtrodden-ness on the part of the gifted, who feel disliked and like they have to hide their abilities</p>

<p>also, its important to recognize the various levels of gifted-ness. there are the gifted who most of the special programs are designed for, and the highly and profoundly gifted. it is the profoundly gifted who will be underachieving. not because they can’t do the work, but because they can do it all to well and see no point in doing something that they learned years ago.</p>

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<p>To heck with the “Gifted” and “Brilliant” kids: what about their “Exceptional” and “Amazing” parents???</p>