<p>Poor, poor kid…</p>
<p>S/He should have ended with “Live long and prosper!”</p>
<p>Is this guy serious? I, once upon a time, thought that humble I was vain; however, after this, I think I have lost all hope for humanity.</p>
<p>I’ve always thought it was a bad idea to start an essay with “I’ve never been a very good writer” because then the reader always wonders, “Well, why the hell did you write this then?” Butyraceous, incidentally, means “like butter” and I don’t think of butter as disconnected – rather it’s smooth and uninterrupted – so that last clause doesn’t really make sense. If that’s the joke the writer was trying to make with his parenthetical aside…well, it’s an obscure joke and it’s not really funny, especially if someone has to look up the word butyraceous.</p>
<p>Part of me wants to think this kid is being ironic (“indulging and favoring instead the somewhat utilitarian and wholly pedantic language of my inner philosopher wannabe”…lol) but he’s either trying too hard or doesn’t really get it (“elusively difficult pedestrian communication of the fluid” is more or less an oxymoron, since “pedestrian” means ordinary). I suspect that to get the world “donnish” he used a thesaurus for “pedantic” (even I had to look up “donnish”, although I had an idea). It becomes even more nonsensical when you consider that he just wrote that he was going to be utilitarian and that he’s not a good writer; how can you write like a don or a scholar if you’re not a good writer?</p>
<p>SO basically, the first paragraph looks really good but it makes absolutely no sense. Not only that, it’s completely unnecessary. You don’t have to tell your reader how you’re about to write. They can deduce that for themselves.</p>
<p>The second paragraph makes more sense but he could’ve said everything he said in about one or two sentences. Same thing with the third paragraph, and worse, he sounds fake. You don’t have a distinction between your own satisfaction and others’? Yeah, right. Altogether, the body of the essay is like…you believe everyone is worth something, you find it hard to dislike people, and you believe that everyone’s brain is more or less working. So what? He didn’t even give any examples or anything to support his statements. They’re empty. And his last paragraph has nothing to do with the rest of the essay.</p>
<p>That’s if you even get to the end, though. Since it could take someone 5 minutes just to plow through the first paragraph, it’s likely they’ll toss it.</p>
<p>I hope that he gets someone honest and brutal to look over this before he submits it.</p>
<p>Old-fashioned translation of paragraph 2: There is that of God in everyone.
Comment:
[quote]
There is that of God within everyone, along with two lungs, a heart, a stomach, a large and a small intestine and a liver. …This Light within is not something that we can take pride in or claim as our own as if it granted us some special merit. First of all, it is not a special merit because this same Light or Seed is in all. Can you claim special merit because you have a pineal gland? Why then for the Light within?<a href=“source:%20%5Burl=http://gtitl.blogspot.com/2007/10/that-of-god-in-everyone.html]Growing%20Together%20in%20the%20Light:%20That%20of%20God%20in%20everyone[/url]”>/quote</a></p>
<p>If this young man (I assume it’s a young man) is so spiritually advanced that all he needs to fulfill his destiny is “information”, then he could save his parents a bundle by spending the next 4 years reading the Encyclopedia Britannica.</p>
<p>I couldn’t finish. I couldn’t get past the second paragraph.</p>