<p>I’ll be mother of the bride for the second time in July and actually haven’t started looking for my outfit yet. For my D1’s wedding, I ordered a beautiful silk pantsuit from Neiman Marcus, after looking at dozens of stores over the course of a few months and not finding even one thing that appealed to me. My D told both me and her future m-i-l to choose something we’d each be comfortable in. The suit I chose had a bit of color in it that blended in with the color scheme. The m-i-l chose a dress that she liked, and, to be honest, I’d have to go look at the pictures to see what color it was because I don’t remember. My D was very particular about every aspect of her wedding day over which she had control, and she did a spectacular job. What other people were wearing was not something she concerned herself about, and everything worked out fine. If the moms were going to be in the ceremony somehow, then perhaps it would be more important but most are not, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it. </p>
<p>If the only rules are no black or white, it should be easy to find something that you like and that is comfy. Two friends of my D wore white dresses to the wedding, which apparently is a big no-no but my D who was the bride didn’t care. One of her sisters did, though! Enjoy the day and treasure every minute of it because after all the months of preparation, it truly does fly by.</p>
<p>It DOES fly by, but the pictures are around for a long time! Pick a dress that will feel comfortable (you don’t want to be tugging and sucking everything in all day) and that will look nice in the pictures.</p>
<p>The no black rule at weddings is pretty much considered passe now. White has been more controversial - Emily Post has said for some time that white is OK as long as it’s not bridal looking or it has other colors mixed in while I think Miss Manners still says no white, period. I’ve seen lots of women in beige or champagne colored suits or dresses at weddings - I do have the feeling this is a bit more common in very urban areas like NYC than elsewhere in the country. Trouble is, these days lots of wedding dresses are very simple these days, so not so easy to distinguish the bride if that is the case. In view of the varying opinion (sometime very strong opinion) on this and the large number of people who feel that only the bride should be in anything resembling white, IMO it’s just as easy to wear something else, or at the very least make sure it’s an outfit the bride approves.</p>
<p>But for the most part, if the mothers are not in the wedding party, while they may want to take colors, formality of the affair and the mom of the bride and wishes of the bride into account, it’s the perogative of the mothers to pick dresses they like. Most important however is family relationships - if I was the mom of the groom I’d ask the bride how she feels and take that into account regardless of what the books say.</p>
<p>With special occasion dresses, I’ve had my best luck at small specialty boutiques and dress shops. If you see something you like online or on a department store website you can also work backwards - check the manufacturer’s website for stores near you that carry the line. That’s what we did for prom dresses, too.</p>
<p>A good friend of mine wore a black dress as mother of the bride, and I didn’t think it did her any favors. She just sort of faded into the background in black. The bridesmaids wore brilliant royal blue satin street-length dresses and the black dress just looked very blah next to that pretty bright color.</p>
<p>This friend had THREE MOB dresses all ready for the big day and picked the one she liked best at the last minute.</p>
<p>There was a week last year when I had two sisters-in-law, both getting ready to march as the Mother of Groom, having been assigned dress colors they felt did them “no favors.” </p>
<p>One SIL is quite thin, petite and dark-haired. She hated having to wear a “little black dress” prescribed by the large mother-of-bride. My SIL said she felt “like a little witch.”</p>
<p>My other SIL is full-figured and taller. She ranted at having been told, in no uncertain terms, to show up in “all champagne.” It made her feel horsey. </p>
<p>I just asked them if they could go stand for their nephews instead of their sons. True story. I wondered if the MOBs would have even noticed if these two women had switched weddings.</p>
<p>Having myself had a mother-in-law who wore white to my wedding 30+ years ago in the deep south where the intent was unmistakable – and because I want the women who will ultimately control access to my grandchildren to find me as easy to deal with as humanly possible – I am prepared to wear absolutely anything in any color to my son’s wedding with a smile on my face. And if you asked my family or friends what my hobbies are, clothes would be the first thing on the list. It is something I care about a lot! But I’m saving up all my complaints for why I’m not allowed in the delivery room. And I am wearing something wonderful to the rehearsal dinner. :)</p>
<p>She already volunteered they intend to start a family in the near future. Her mom told me the same. I did not ask.</p>
<p>Well, my MOG dress is black and I’m sticking with it. It’s got a goldish floral print, and the $6 pashmina I bought from Amazon is a near perfect match, so I’ll be lighter on top. Very small, intimate wedding (immediate family only) so I don’t really have to worry how I will look to others in any case. </p>
<p>And as to starting a family… my son’s bride is wearing a maternity dress to the wedding (blue, not white). Counter to traditions, the father of the bride will not be carrying a shotgun. ;)</p>
<p>Thank you for your well wishes. It’s all rather overwhelming, actually. My son and his bride do not seem to be too clear on the concept of “planning.”</p>
<p>congrats again to all future mother of grooms and brides!!! update: i sent a pic to my sons finance from brides.com “mother of bride” section. of a charles nolen black skirt and blouse and its a go!!! she likes it and not worried about a white blouse! think i might get a bit fancier blouse, and now to decide whether i want taffeta skirt, chiffon skirt, etc. but feels so good to know i can wear something i will love and be comfortable in and at same time please the bride!!</p>
<p>Bumping this thread up–as a newly minted mother of the groom in the next year or so! DS just proposed to his girlfriend–who we adore–3 days ago, so no date has been determined.</p>
<p>Echoing others, I am practicing: (i) not offering for unasked advice, (ii) not making suggestions about anything relating to wedding planning; and (iii) waiting to be told what my role will be. Her family is lovely, so I anticipate that this will be a fun process–but I would welcome any advice from those who have gone before me!</p>
<p>My son told me a month or so ago that he and his girlfriend were fairly serious. He was really worried as he said to me that she would want to be married in her home state 1000 miles from us. Would I have a problem with that?</p>
<p>And of course not! Any wedding would be on her terms, in her hometown. I did tell him that his father and I would probably be giving a second reception or celebratory party in <em>our</em> neck of the woods and he should just plan on that from the beginning!</p>
My D was very particular about every aspect of her wedding day over which she had control, and she did a spectacular job. What other people were wearing was not something she concerned herself about, and everything worked out fine. If the moms were going to be in the ceremony somehow, then perhaps it would be more important but most are not, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it. </p>