I know this can get quite overwhelming. It was for us a few yrs ago too. One thing I would caution your D / you on is being so fixated on getting a yes when it might not be the right yes. There are all kinds of BFA programs. Some are conservatory style where you are MT essentially full time. Very little existence outside of that. Others are more blended with the rest of the school where it’s more realistic to have a typical college experience. I think it would be helpful to have a heart to heart and help her discover what she really wants in a program. Is this what she wants to do professionally? It’s really hard and the competition is fierce. Not just to get into a BFA program, but to get cast into shows once you’re in the program, and of course ultimately, to get work.
In the event she doesn’t have the luck you’re hoping for, a gap yr is a real option and many have used it to really plan for a positive audition season. They also use the yr to deepen their talent through voice and dance lessons. That may be of no interest to her, but I bring it up only to say that many do it. It’s not the end of the world. A lot of people also get in these programs only to find this life is not for them. Will she be happy if she gets in to a lesser known program for next yr vs. trying again (with far more knowledge) in a yr?
Don’t beat yourself up. You can only do what you can do. I don’t know how they expect a parent to know all this stuff. We were fortunate in that D attended an arts HS and I heard some things which made me do a lot of research (the school didn’t help that much). There’s definitely a lot to it.