I will say I have a quiet, quirky, non-party kid at a big ten school that makes every party school list doing music and a stem degree and he has done fine socially. He has engineering friends and music friends, is graduating this semester and still doesn’t drink. His studio teacher organizes social events for his studio regularly. The vibe seems much more collaborative than competitive throughout the music program. Actually, on audition day, I was struck by how warm his department felt. You could tell they loved teaching, working with students, and liked each other too. My other kid is dual enrolling at a big school and has actually socially connected to a number of other students just dipping her toes in a music department couple days a week on campus. I am very sorry your student is having that experience. I don’t think that is uniform across larger schools at all.
FWIW, we are in the midwest and most of the students we know who have gone to Lawrence (music and otherwise) have had a very postive experience there. My daughter is excited to audition there soon.