<p>Hopefully Sunrise would have Mr. Sunrise post a reply if she were going to be away from the computer for a considerable length of time. She must know she has hundreds of followers who care so deeply. No worries Sunrise we can all be patient just as you are being!</p>
<p>The good news is that it appears sunrise, or someone, last logged in about 2 nights ago. Hopefully sunrise will feel up to checking in with all her supporters soon. Sending healing thoughts, sunrise.</p>
<p>Boy, CC is all screwed up…my post #2079 was in response to mommusic’s post #2080!</p>
<p>Sunrise, I hope you feel all the gentle rays of healing thoughts being sent your way from all of us.</p>
<p>From me, too!</p>
<p>I’m not logging in to CC much lately, but I keep looking at this thread, hoping to see a message from Sunrise. </p>
<p>Thinking of you, every day, Sunrise.</p>
<p>Don’t a few senior cc’ers know sunrise’s real identity? Would it be possible for one of them to check in w her?</p>
<p>I just tried to contact sunrise by email. Unfortunately, the address I had has been ****'d out by CC. (It was legible last time I checked.) </p>
<p>So I used the CC email feature in hopes that I can get through. I’ll let you know if I hear from her.</p>
<p>Thanks, DougBetsy.</p>
<p>She hasn’t logged in under her other SN in a while, but did (or someone did) log in under this screenname a few days ago. Keep in mind that cc has been having trouble with its timestamp, and some people are unable to post. When they try, they get the “you have to wait 60 seconds before posting” message, even though they haven’t posted. It happened to me a few weeks ago. its frustrating. Hopefully its just a computer snafoo that is keeping sunrise from posting.</p>
<p>checking in a wishing sunrise well and hoping she checks in soon.</p>
<p>Sending prayers your way, Sunrise and Mr. Sunrise.</p>
<p>Friends,</p>
<p>I am so sorry that I haven’t responded to your kind inquires. Last several weeks have not been fun - though there are moments of deep connections with close friends and family members, and I continue to feel grateful for all that was given to me. I have been in chemo more or less continuous for 20 months, and this is the first time I am reacting (side effects) to chemo, and it humbled me - thinking about what 90% of chemo patients are going through, and I was so spoiled till now. However, it also felt like I am on a downward slope. Of course, the fact that my body has been so battered for the whole summer probably is the cause. </p>
<p>My husband has also been going through all sorts of tests and what not to be formally put on a lung transplant recipient list. It saddens me that I can’t be more actively, not just verbally, supportive of him. I am still experiencing the aftermath of the major surgery, which is compounded by the reaction I have to the treatment I am on. He is not in good shape, but he still plays the role of a caregiver for me. Much as I try to put as little burden on him as possible, when I am bed ridden with nausea and still recurring abscess wound pain, he is the one to take care of me. Of course, these days, we throw money at our problem. We have a very nice lady coming in five days a week to take of all the routine household work and cooking. Even so, that does not completely fill the gap. Yet, I am so aware of what a fortunate situation we are in - that, we have the resources to pour in, and such good will and kindness from friends. I have a friend living in Connecticut. She makes a weekly trip to visit me (5 hour round trip). I am so grateful, an underserving at the same time. </p>
<p>Lately, I have done a lot of soul searching, and I think I finally understand why I am having such a hard time accepting favors from friends that are borne out of genuine kindness and good will toward me. I feel mostly underserving of such a gesture. Upside of this pathology is that I never take anybody’s good will for granted. They are all extra, unnegotiated bonus in my life. Any kindness I receive, I consider that to be an unexpected gift. This makes my life actually a good one, since not receiving it is a default for me so I am hardly angry or disappointed when I don’t get it, and am grateful and excited when I see a glimmer of kindness from those around me. It keeps my psychological state on a pretty good side.</p>
<p>I would like to share with you my insight sometime in a near future in a separate post because today I have a good news to report.</p>
<p>Today, for the first time in months, I am reporting good news for a change.</p>
<p>Today was the beginning of the second cycle of the new treatment protocol since the surgery. At the beginning of a cycle, they do comprehensive testing, which includes the cancer antigen blood marker. A high number denotes cancer activity. The trend of increasing numbers denotes cancer progression.</p>
<p>Today, the new number came out, which can be compared with the number taken at the beginning of the new treatment protocol to see whether it’s working or not.</p>
<p>The number went down significantly - from 288 to 187. This is a very meaningful drop. For the first time since the beginning of January this year, this is the first time the trend was reversed from continual, non stop cancer progression to improvement. I am elated. The normal (non-disease) number is below 32. However, there is such wide individual variance that this is a very rough guideline. When I was in remission the number was 8-9. This is MY personal remission number. Now, in case you are wondering if 187 is extremely high, no. There are women whose numbers are in the thousands. However, 187 does not necessary mean that my cancer is that much easier to handle than that of the women whose numbers are 10 times higher than mine. As such, the number is largely meaningful as a relative guideline for that particular patient in terms of an increasing or decreasing trend.</p>
<p>Of course, for recurrent, advanced stage patients like mine, the treatment that seems to work in the beginning may peter out after a few cycles before it brings the patient to the remission stage. I am very well aware of that. However, whichever way you look at it, it’s a terrific news - at the minimum it buys me time and gives me more options. The medical science is advancing - albeit very slowly especially for cancer. However, there may be a breakthrough some time in the future, and the longer you can stay around, the higher the odds are that you may be able to benefit from it. Just imagine a tuberculosis patient who died shortly before the discovery of penicillin. </p>
<p>Though I did not verbalize it a lot, during last two weeks of so, I was pretty much preoccupied with and scared of the number that I would see today. Since I have spent the whole years watching my condition worsening with an increasing cancer antigen number and ever worsening bowel problems which culminated in a disastrous event this summer , part of me anticipated bad results today, and that thought was pretty depressing - the combination of the drugs I am on is supposed to be the very best combo, and if this too fails (meaning, I am resistant), this puts me in a pretty bad situation. </p>
<p>I shall enjoy this break for a while. Thanks for your support and kindness so much all through out this period. I don’t know how I can repay all that, but a good starting point is actually getting better. I assume more than anything else, that’s what you all wanted to see.</p>
<p>Thanks you so much…</p>
<p>(Today was a treatment day. I am pumped full of steroid as part of the treatment protocol. So, I am up at an ungodly hour).</p>
<p>Bless you, sunrise. I’m rejoicing in your good news. You and your husband continue in my prayers.</p>
<p>So happy to hear this! </p>
<p>We all are constantly bombarding you with healthy waves and hope you feel them!</p>
<p>Sunrise–hoping you can get outside for a bit and enjoy the day, regardless of the weather.</p>
<p>Sunrise–YOU made MY day! Thank you for checking in and keeping us informed. Wonderful news!</p>
<p>Thanks for the update, Sunrise. Don’t know why I am crying. Sending rays of love to you and your husband.</p>
<p>I’m sure we all woke up today and went right to our computers to see if there was an update. And what a great update we got! It’s such good news! Thank you!</p>
<p>Thrilled to read your news today! Wishing you and DH only the best in your medical journeys.</p>
<p>Sunrise am glad your news is good. I continue to hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.</p>