<p>sunrise and havehope - I am holding both of you in my thoughts.</p>
<p>Make a printout of this thread. Get your thoughts published- if not that, at least have the legacy of your wisdom available for future generations without needing CC to maintain it. Best case scenario- 20 years from now you will have forgotten so much about this phase of your life and can’t rewrite all of the words of wisdom.</p>
<p>As we age we all need to live more in the moment- who knows whether we will die young or old (most of my ancestors/relatives died in their 50’s, a few made it to late 80’s/90’s). I never had wise elders to show me the path- no grandmas or even a mother past young adulthood. Your journey has gotten me to reflect on my stage in life. Expectations change for all of us. Thank you so much for sharing so much with us. Reminds me to keep updating my goals to fit my current self, not the one I worked to be or the one I wished to be or the one I’ll never be.</p>
<p>Best wishes. Continue to know you have touched so many lives in such a positive fashion- wish we could personally do more than type words here. Remember you owe us nothing but we sure appreciate you taking the time to include us. I can’t believe it has been two years already. You might want to read some of your early posts and see how you have evolved as a person. I see the same qualities you began with but that you have given far more than you have received from this thread.</p>
<p>^^^wis75 is so much more eloquent than I. I second everything said above, and add my virtual hugs.</p>
<p>Friends,</p>
<p>Ah, I am feeling so much better after pleural effusion draining started. Vomitting, which got progressively worse to the point of throwing up several times right before the drain, stopped all together. I have better appetite. Much better sense of general well being.</p>
<p>I am still not ready to run a marathon, but a great improvement.</p>
<p>However there is something that I am even more pleased by. It’s my S2’s transformation. S1 has accepted my condition from the beginning, and coped with it well with openly compassionate behavior toward me. S2 has had a really hard time emotionally, though he has been thriving in academic and other personal achievement department at college. it took a long time (exactly two years) for him to come around and accept the truth of my condition. He is “outwardly” a macho kid (an ROTC full scholarship kid). He is stubborn (just like me). Between me and my H, I was the one who yanked his chain when necessary. I was the one who guided his path. We were like two peas in a pod: similar, stubborn and strong characters who butt heads at times. In short, he greatly identified with me, and it must have been really scary for him to see his “strong like himself” parent getting weak and dealing with life and death matters on a daily basis. </p>
<p>His inability to accept my situation resulted in denial, and sometimes anger, which at times manifested itself as impatient behavior toward me. This pained me a great deal, NOT because my feeling were hurt per se, but because I felt that if he still had not processed it before I go away, it will haunt him for a very long time after I am gone. Yet, I chose not to intervene on this and also told my H not to have any “heart to heart” with him on my behalf - definitely nothing so crude like “you should be nice to your poor cancer stricken mother”. I understood the way his heart and brain operate. For him, things have to come naturally from within himself. Otherwise, nothing really works. So, I just sat on the side line, made sure he knows I love him, and just waited and waited…</p>
<p>During last couple of month, he finally turned a corner. During the thanksgiving weekend, the changes were there for ALL to see. He has never been so compassionate, kind, and solicitous toward me in his 19 years. The amount of care, attention, and love he packed in each word he utters me to was so touching and moving. I told him how much I was enjoying our interaction, and I could just see a huge burden being lifted from his shoulder. </p>
<p>There is truly no unfinished business now. Every day I hang around longer is an un-negotiated extra bonus for me. Now, all I have to do is just get better a little by little to see if I can catch a break here or there.</p>
<p>You all have been amazingly kind and compassionate toward me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart!</p>
<p>Please know what a profound impact you have had on all of us. I can’t find the words to express how you have touched us, taught us and inspired us. Thank you.</p>
<p>sunrise - a bouquet of thoughts, prayers and well wishes are sent your way! Thank you for sharing your journey…you have no idea of how your inspirational words have touched us all.</p>
<p>Sunrise, I am not surprised that your friends and family are showering you with love and support. You deserve every bit of it. While most people would be railing at their misfortune, you are counting your blessings. You are truly an inspiration. Stay strong and keep on fighting.</p>
<p>Havehope, best of luck to you also, as you continue your own fight.</p>
<p>Sunrise, I have been touched by each of your thoughtful posts, but that last one most of all. As a mother, your perspective about your son totally resonates. Happy tears here.</p>
<p>Sunrise, so happy to read your latest post. I’m sure it brings a great sense of relief to see your son turn the corner. What a beautiful gift he gave to you. Glad to hear you have some relief with your lungs, too.</p>
<p>I received good news. What they thought might be cancer was something else. But let me tell you something,Sunrise. As I was waiting for the news, I was hoping for the best, but was ready to ask my doctor when we could meet to formulate a new plan to beat this thing if the news had gone the other way. I did not feel a sense of despair. YOU have been so inspirational. I don’t feel like a victim. I am a fighter. Here I am, another person whose life has been changed by you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.<br>
I wish I could repay you in some way, but all I have are my words of thanks. </p>
<p>Thank you to everyone for your kind wishes. I hated to put it out there because I do not want to intrude on Sunrise’s thread, but her postings have been an amazing amount of support for me and I wanted to publicly thank her for that. Gee, I wish we could have a big party to celebrate the gifts we have all received from Sunrise. So amazing . . .</p>
<p>Sunrise, it does not surprise me in the least that you have raised your sons to be mensch. It just took a little bit of time and maturity for your younger so to let his inner mensch out. There is no doubt in my mind that your children are modeling what they have seen in their parents every day of their lives. Well done!</p>
<p>sunrise, I’m overjoyed to read your latest post. Since this thread was started because you wondered how to deal with the kids, it is only right that you’ve accomplished what you set out to do. With that worry passed, you now have more emotional strength to overcome your physical ills. I know you will do that, too. </p>
<p>Your sons are very lucky to have you, as we are very lucky to know you. :)</p>
<p>SO happy for you and your son. Wasn’t expecting a bagel and tears for breakfast but it was a lovely way to start the day.</p>
<p>+1 on BougBetsy post (could not have said it better myself).</p>
<p>Happy to hear HaveHope’s news!</p>
<p>Continued prayers for Sunrise and family…</p>
<p>Friends,</p>
<p>My husband came up with a crazy idea. He said, why don’t we have a open house day for your CC friends? Surely there are enough of them in the four state area (NY, NJ, CT, PA, etc). We pick a date. Cater in some food, and have people stop by when it is convenient for people. </p>
<p>Sounds like fun! I always like to fantasize about happy events. It gives me something to look forward to! We are starting to invite people for a meal at home rather than going out with them for dinner etc. It’s not easy for me to sit on a hard chair and have a relaxed time for hours. It’s much easier for me to meet at home. Also for my H, it’s much easier to be at home where he does not happy to worry about portable oxygen machine not functioning well.</p>
<p>Neither of us is in a terrific shape to cook gourmet food, so we simply cater in. (Actually, this is a great excuse. I was NEVER a good cook anyway!).</p>
<p>So, if I were to do something like this, would you guys who are nearby be interested? I am thinking about some time in mid/late Jan when all the crazy bustle of holiday season quiets down.</p>
<p>Of course, nothing I plan comes with a guarantee these days: case in point - last Tuesday, Dr. S. sent me straight from the MSKCC outpatient chemo clinic to the main hospital for a severe pleural effusion. Still, I would like to think seriously about it.</p>
<p>If you are interested, let me know: I would like to get some sense of what size of crowd I am dealing with.</p>
<p>I have always been a planner. I used to plan at the beginning of a year crazy international trips I am taking the family that year. As a result, my kids have been to some really out of the beaten track, crazy places over the years (e.g., Falkland Island, Galapagos, indigenous tribal sites deep in Amazon, remote Mayan pyramid sites in Guatemala, etc). For the time being, neither of us is in a shape to do anything wild like that. So we need to bring the world to us!</p>
<p>I always like to fantasize. So, humor me :)</p>
<p>sunriseeast, being on the west coast, I know chances would be slim that I could attend but I do travel eastward at least once a year so it could happen! 
</p>
<p>A get together would be a great idea but let us bring food to you! You and your DH will have the huge task of hosting a large group :). So many of us on CC have wanted to contribute/help you in some way.</p>
<p>Havehope, </p>
<p>you are NOT intruding in my thread. This is for everyone! Love to hear more about how you are doing. So happy that the your fear was unfounded! Hang in there, lady. even though I am still struggling, good news of anyone with a similar ailment uplifts me!!!</p>
<p>I would come to your open house! And I’d bring a dish, too. You shouldn’t have to serve us. :)</p>
<p>I wish I were closer because I would come to your open house! What I want is for you to follow wis75’s advice and turn your posts into a book. Then, when you are published, I want to come to your publication party and get an autographed copy! You continue to be an inspiration and I’m just one of many wishing you well and offering prayers for your family each day.</p>
<p>I have two girls in NYC, I might just come in!!! Probably not in January as one hasn’t even left to go back by then but you never know…</p>
<p>I’m in! And those in the tri-state area, like me, will certainly bring some food and drink.</p>