<p>sunriseeast-may “round 2” be a piece of cake! :)</p>
<p>Day 4 of the second chemo. No side effects yet and no need for the anti nausea drug. It looks like I got away scott free this round also. Though I may end up developing reactions, every week of chemo session that I experience no side effects gives me that much more margin!</p>
<p>I have this odd sense that chemo is already working. Starting from 2 weeks prior to surgery, I started to have this subtle occasional sensation inside my abdominal area that I attributed to cancer nodules working their way through various places in my abdominal cavity. After surgery, a lot of that has disappeared but not all together: there are certain areas where I still felt them, and it’s not a surprise since they had to leave some bulky cancer clusters around the bowel in order not to risk perforating the bowels.</p>
<p>It’s been 10 days since I had my first chemo session, and I feel that the frequency of that “odd sensation” is already going down. Perhaps this is all just chemo brain on my part, but I just have this feeling of getting better everyday. The fact that I am not experiencing any side effects definitely is helping me interpret everything in a positive manner. I should remember this when and if I start experiencing side effects so that I can keep a longer term perspective, that is, getting an upper hand over cancer is the big picture, and any side effects are just that, a side show.</p>
<p>I may be delusional, but… I have this insane feeling that 2011 will be the best year ever for me. I think I will come out of all this whole, intact, and better than ever before. Already, this cancer has been a blessing in disguise: it opened my eyes in a way that I did not realize possible before. It allowed me to see how profoundly fortunate I am in so many ways. I realized that even with all this, I have been dealt one hell of a winning hand. So, who cares if I have to shave off a few years from my life expectancy. I always thought I would live to be 100. I have downwardly revised it to be 90 after the diagnosis. But… being an incorrigible and delusional optimist that I am, I am bringing it back up to, oh, 99. So, quality over quanty, Yay!</p>
<p>When we got married, I made my husband a promise that I will live at least one day longer than he so that he will have me by his side when his time comes, and I will keep that promise. He said he would hold me up to it by not making it easy on me by taking a short cut himself.</p>
<p>Great news that you haven’t had any side effects, sunrise! :)</p>
<p>And, as usual, your attitude is awesome! I believe there’s a power in mental imaging, or mind over matter, or whatever you want to call it. If you’re not “feeling” the cancer anymore, then I’ll join you in taking that as a good sign. </p>
<p>Thanks for the update. Have a great week.</p>
<p>Your writing is amazing. You definitely have a gift. I wish you continued good progress!</p>
<p>Sunrise, best wishes to you! Thank you for posting updates.</p>
<p>Sunrise, you are an amazing writer and an amazing lady. I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.</p>
<p>I am feeling better than ever today, including a couple of month prior to the surgery when I was experiencing some effects of the cancer in my body.</p>
<p>I went for clothe shopping because after I lost ~5 pounds, nothing fits anymore: since I was already pretty thin to begin with, 5 pounds makes a huge difference in the way pants fit. </p>
<p>Well, I need new pair of dress pants, because I am going for a job interview in California. This is a position I thought was a very good fit for me, and there were some discussions back and forth. After I got the diagnosis with impending surgery, I stopped pursuing it, and they, on their part, got side tracked with all the right people on end of year vacation. Now that the holidays are over and everybody is getting back to the normal schedule, they are finally getting their act together to invite me for an interview. It’s a good timing for me too, since I have yet to develop side effects, and there are a few days of good window to do this. I decided to go for it. I checked with my doctor’s office, and actually they think it can work out. They gave me a green light on the condition that they will do the blood test to make sure that my white blood count is not too low to embark on a plane trip.</p>
<p>If this happens to be the right opportunity, I can start once my chemo is over: this is a pretty senior position and it usually takes a couple of month for the job offer to be agreed upon after rounds of negotiation and discussion – so if a job offer is agreed upon, say, the beginning of April, I can tell them I will start in 5-6 weeks (which is quite within a range). My last day of chemo will be May 9. This scheme works! Of course, this may not be the right opportunity, and in that case, all this is for nothing. But, I won’t know until I try. </p>
<p>I know, most people will think I am insane. But, this craziness is exactly an essence of who I am that will let me live decades past what the normal prognosis would predict. Needless today, my husband is livid. He sent me a flurry of text messages with lines like “I will divorce you if you compromise your health for this interview” and “I will kill you if you miss the chemo session for this”, etc. But I talked to him about my conversation with the doctor’s office, and I think he calmed down a bit.</p>
<p>Recently, I started to really feel that 2011 may become the best year ever, and if this position works out, and I go into remission, I will prove to be prescient, delusional thinking or not. I had this mental image of my cancer, not as an enemy or a calamity, but as a piece of charcoal in impure water that will absorb all the residue of negative experience in my previous position at that awful, toxic place, and leave me cleansed to start a new chapter. </p>
<p>That’s why I never sat down and cried “why me”, became angry or fearful, or got into this battle cry of heroes about to slay the dragon. This cancer of mine is letting the best part of me to come to the surface, it is deepening the love between my husband and me, and it is teaching me to lower the barrier to let good friends fully into my sphere. Totally crazy thinking, perhaps, but I am beginning to think I may be right in all this.</p>
<p>Even if I am wrong on all account, the peace and contentment under the circumstance has to have a net positive impact on my ability to heal.</p>
<p>So glad to hear this good news. A friend of mine who battled lymphoma successfully told me once that he feels sorry for those of us who have never had cancer because he feels like he sees the world now with such a clear lens. He meant this in the best of ways.</p>
<p>All of your positive thoughts will make the difference.</p>
<p>Sunriseeast - Congratulations on the job interview. Please don’t be hesitant to use a wheelchair at the airports if it would be helpful – the walking and standing in long lines can really take a lot out of you soon after surgery or chemo.</p>
<p>Oh my goodness, I think I love you 
Not only do you have an amazing positive attitude and skillfully-expressed self-awareness, but you are a POET, with the artist’s ability to stay true to one’s own impressions and beliefs.</p>
<p>sunrise - I’m so happy to hear you are feeling so well. Good luck with the interview!</p>
<p>Sunrise, I hope you fly first/business class. The air is better in the front of the plane, literally. With the time change and the travel, do your best to get your full complement of sleep. Good luck with the interview.</p>
<p>The wigs have arrived. I have two wigs now: similar style but different hair length.</p>
<p>We decided to freak the kids out.</p>
<p>I put on a short wig, which looks very much like my current hair style. I called S1 over Skype (video call), and started to chat with him. He had no idea that I had a wig on. Then a few minutes later, my husband joined in with the long wig on. That elicited a gasp from him and some remarks. Then on the count of three, we BOTH took our wigs off. </p>
<p>When S2 came home from his weekly Wednesday EC activity, we pulled the same trick. </p>
<p>S1 was charitable: he thought it was rather cute that we did it. S2 thought we were just silly and goofy.</p>
<p>My husband and I think this was a great gig. Young people these days just don’t appreciate fine humor. </p>
<p>Now that I have two wigs, here is the rub. From now on, I have to remember which wig I wore in a professional setting. I am not putting a bulletin board announcement out in my professional circle about my condition, though people are informed on a need to know basis, so if I start showing up in hair style with two noticeably different lengths, it will tip them off. </p>
<p>It’s just like having to remember what you told your gigolo and what you told your husband. It takes great deal of compartmentalization, discipline, and mental alertness. Chalk this up as one more reason why they should set up a licensing board for cancer patients: this is not a job for the mentally lazy and undisciplined.</p>
<p>I think I will just designate one wig for all professional settings, and stick to it.</p>
<p>I just spewed soda all over my keyboard at the gigolo comment!!!</p>
<p>You are absolutely right – cancer is not for sissies. Wait til the bills start arriving. I am constantly having to deal with the insurance company because the hospital can’t get my diagnosis/procedure code/doctor/their own tax ID number straight. Good think I work in employee benefits and know the lingo, because the average person would give up and sink quickly into bankruptcy over the arbitrary way in which claims are processed.</p>
<p>sunriseeast-congrats on the upcoming interview and as they say in the old country, “You go girl!” :)</p>
<p>Sunrise - way to go girl. Not that you need it, but I support you 1000%. Hope, vision, forward thinking, flexibility and a sense of humor are all important medicines. I agree with arabrab - perhaps you can use a wheelchair to get you thru the airport. If you are alone, a tip to the airport folks will get you from the curb to your gate in no time. I use a wheelchair 24/7 and service and lines for us four-wheelers is much better than for the two-legged. I get bumped to bulkhead seats too because I need to stretch my legs and I can’t get up and walk around a plane. Bring lots of wipes to clean your hands and the arms and tables in the plane, doorknobs, remotes and bathroom fixtures in the hotel. Can’t assume others have done their job.</p>
<p>It is an odd thing to have a great opportunity come up in the middle of chemotherapy. If I were you, I would be happy too, but cautious about the travel etc., which it sounds like you are. I wish you nothing but the best.</p>
<p>Sunrise, your feelings of less abdominal symptoms are REAL. Patients who are responders say that ALL THE TIME, and patients who are not do not notice any improvement. </p>
<p>So glad to know that you have had no effects from the chemo yet. Glad to know you have the wigs. Have you started “loosing” it yet?</p>
<p>sunnyflorida,</p>
<p>So glad that my feeling was not a by product of delusional thinking! Your post made my day.</p>
<p>No, hair is not falling out yet. We will see when this happens.</p>
<p>
Or a spreadsheet.</p>
<p>Good luck! ;)</p>