<p>I went through it with my dad 7 years ago, and he just came back from a trip to Egypt with my mom.</p>
<p>Someone who works for me asked me for a leave of absence because his mother was diagnosed with cancer. At first it all looked pretty bad, but with further diagnosis it was found the tumor was very well confined. She had a major surgery and came out with flying colors. Her doctors believed the cancer didn’t spread and she didn’t need chemo. </p>
<p>It was 6 months ago, and I remember a grown man (45) practically in tears when he was telling me about it. His first instinct was to leave his job in order to be with his mom (he was also 10 thousand miles away and the only child). I talked him out of doing it. I thought it was better for him to carry on with his life. I offered to let him work out of the office that was close to his mom for 2 months, and arranged to have that office send someone to my office to back fill him. He is now back, and he is very thankful that he didn’t quit his current position.</p>
<p>There has been many progress made with cancer treatment, even surgeries are a lot less invasive.</p>
<p>I wish you a speedy recovery. Come back to let us know how you are doing.</p>
<p>oh sunrise, what a horrible shock. I send strength, hugs, warmth and prayers your way. </p>
<p>Each of you will get through this in your own way. Just concentrate on taking care of you and let hubby and kids take care of one another. You have already prepared them as they grew up to deal with things as a team so trust that they will navigate this together.</p>
<p>My best to you and I will think of you everyday now on cc.</p>
<p>I teared up when I read your post. My DH was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer the first day of my DD1’s first day of high school senior year. It was a tough year; oral chemo, radiation, a VERY brutal surgery, then 6 months of horrible IV chemo. DD1 was applying to colleges essentially without our help. We were back and forth to another city with a nationally renown cancer center; we had an apartment there where we lived while we tried to save his life. Caregivers for our daughters came and went (all loving family members, but not Mom and Dad) ; DD1 applied to colleges, went on interviews, wrote her essays without Mom and Dad to help and support her. DD2, an 8th grader, pretended it wasn’t happening. DH went through the normal stages; all was okay until his anger set in. DD2 imploded, completely collapsed inside as a result of normal teen stuff and holding in all her emotions during a very trying time. Things got very very bad, and I have to say that it was really all due to holding in fear, not verbalizing our pain and fears. I remembered all the obits I’ve read through the years about people who died of cancer and “never ever complained.” I don’t think that’s necessarily always the right way. It nearly tore our family to pieces and I nearly lost my daughter as a result of “keeping your chin up” and pretending you’re not sad, in pain, or afraid. So my advice is this: while you don’t want to focus on the negative, please give voice to your feelings, and allow your kids to give voice to theirs. They may need to cry, to vent, to speak out against the unfairness of it all. They may need to GO THERE. To visit their fears that you won’t always be there. Believe in the possibility of your cure (DH seems to have beaten his cancer), but understand that they (and you) may have normal doubts and fears that it won’t work out that way.</p>
<p>I think you are right to focus on the positive; know that even the worst statistics report victory over cancer. You definitely can be the survivor in spite of less than perfect odds. My DH is doing GREAT even though the internet told me I wouldn’t have him in my life for much longer. You would NEVER know he was ever sick if you saw him today! </p>
<p>I can’t give you any profound advice other than to talk honestly to your kids-encourage them to verbalize their feelings even if they are worried about the WORST thing happening. You know how good it feels to have that good, cleansing cry when you are sad-all of you may need to do that whether it means actually crying, or just speaking honestly with each other about how you are feeling at any given moment. </p>
<p>Good luck, and best wishes for your recovery.</p>
<p>Me, too! If you went in as the picture of health, shouldn’t that mean that you will recover from the surgery very quickly? Had to laugh at the laundry…that is so what I would be doing!</p>
<p>^^You have my positive energy, too. I have not been in your shoes. But our family has circled the wagons around two family members who are very close to our hearts and had/have advanced stages of cancer. In these situations I’ve observed more than once that my S (20) is a caring, sensitive, and resilient adult now, and it shows in ways that bring tears to my eyes. Every time I’ve debated about how to paint the picture(s) for him, I’ve decided to be positive but honest and to show my own up-and-down emotions. I’ve been glad that I did.</p>
<p>Sunriseeast – you are now in my daily thoughts and prayers. Hope I can add something to all the positive thoughts coming your way. In 1996, my husband was diagnosed with Stage IV head and neck cancer when our kids were 9 mos. and 3. I’ve never been so scared. But now, after aggressive treatment at a top cancer care facility, he’s doing fine. He beats me at tennis; he goes on 50 mile bike rides. His oncologist said that they’ve made so many strides in cancer treatment that he wouldn’t even have needed radiation if they’d discovered it now. So my point is: every day, cancer treatment is improving and Stage IV is not a death sentence.</p>
<p>Stay off the internet (except for CC of course). I have been in tears googling symptoms and survival rates and there is a lot of grim (mis)information out there. If you want a 2nd opinion, go to a doctor – not a website.</p>
<p>In terms of your kids, I would be as upfront as possible with them. No sugarcoating. Tell them what you know about each stage of your treatment (for this week, I’ll be throwing up. Then the next week, I’ll start losing my hair.) Also check out the support groups available either at your cancer care center or at a local church. Unfortunately or fortunately, you have lots of company.</p>
<p>And start lining up your friends now, who want to help. Who will make dinners? Who will go to the grocery store? </p>
<p>Sunriseeast, you’re in my thoughts and prayers today. As a fellow cancer survivor and CC mom, I wish you the speediest of recoveries. Remember to let others help in the next few weeks especially.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry to hear of this. I wish you well on your surgery today. You have an amazingly positive attitude and it sounds like a great support system. You’re in my thoughts and prayers!</p>
<p>You are in my thoughts and prayers as well this morning. </p>
<p>As I have mentioned I too have been there. After my surgery the doctor came to me and said, “You HAD cancer. I removed it. Now, onto step 2 where we make sure it doesn’t come back.” Fight the good fight. Tell your kids. And when friends offer help…accept it. That was the hardest thing for me to do.</p>
<p>sometimes I wonder if CC parents should have their own little real-life support system based geographically; you have so many supporters on here we could all chip in…</p>
<p>My best wishes for your swift recovery! You are in my thoughts today as you have your surgery.</p>
<p>My advice, as a survivor of an aggressive breast cancer, is to lean on your support networks, whatever they are. I was surprised not only how much people were willing to help me and my family while I was undergoing surgery and protracted chemotherapy, but which people stepped up to the plate–not necessarily the ones I would have expected! I appreciated both the practical assistance and the love manifested by the assistance; it was a huge help to me emotionally, and probably physically as well.</p>
<p>I thought my kids (who were 10 and 14 at the time) matured a great deal over the course of my illness. I did the same when my father was gravely ill for months, when I was in my late teens. Of course nobody would elect to undergo such horrible things just so that their kids will grow up! It’s just that the effects on children are not necessarily entirely negative.</p>
<p>Wishing you the best. I hope everything goes smoothly today. Sounds like your CC family has given you lots of good advice. I will add you to my daily prayers.</p>
<p>You might want to consider setting up a CaringBridge site ([CaringBridge</a> - Free Patient Websites Connect Loved Ones During Serious Health Events.](<a href=“http://www.caringbridge.org/]CaringBridge”>http://www.caringbridge.org/)). It will allow your friends/relatives/etc. to track your treatment and communicate with you, without you having to make a zillion phone calls. </p>
<p>My DH was diagnosed with stage 4 non-hodgkin’s lymphoma more than ten years ago and was told 4-7 years was usual. Our kids were in 8th and 9th grade. We were absolutely (brutally) honest with them and made sure they could ask whatever questions they needed to. When my husband’s first remission ended after about a year and a half–there was a new drug (Rituxan)… and he’s still in remission now. </p>
<p>It took quite a few years before the kids talked openly about “that time”. One of the things that they said that may be useful to you is that they needed to have places where they weren’t “the kid whose dad has cancer.” My daughter waited months to tell most of her friends, because she couldn’t bear the sympathy; my son did not have that opportunity (I was teaching at his school)–but did forbid his friends to discuss it with him.</p>
<p>I’ll be thinking about you today and hoping for sucessful surgery and a quick recovery. You sounds like a very strong person, and I’m sure that you and your family will weather this storm. Lean on your support network. My mother always told me to “let people be nice to you.”</p>