my diagnosis of advanced cancer: how to help my kids

Parent Cafe
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<p>Sunrise, I get that you don’t want your real life to be all about cancer, but never feel badly about posting here, this is a safe haven to whine, complain, fret, worry, natter, etc. We are all here to listen to that stuff. Then, if you choose, you can forget about it IRL.</p>

<p>We all look forward to hearing your (good!) results. How long does it take?</p>

<p>I have a friend who had recurring melanoma nearly 10 years ago. He was too bad off for any normal therapies and was kicked out of 3 subsequent trials because they were not working (he got worse in ways that made him no longer fit the criteria) I do not know the details, but he did something with vaccines and he is still around & great today!</p>

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<p>Sunrise - few years ago I went with my father for his check up. It was after they thought the cancer had returned, and they wanted to start another round of chemo on him, but I convinced to go back to his old oncologist to get a second opinion. I waited with my dad for the “verdict,” it was only 30 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. I still remember my dad’s face was white and his hands were shaking while I held them. When the doctor told him that the previous reading was incorrect, I thought my dad was going to cry, but he said to me, “I knew that, I wasn’t worried.” His old doctor was absolutely correct, the cancer didn’t return. My dad is still perfectly fine, except a bit crankier than he used to be.</p>

<p>Sunrise - it is ok to feel vulnerable, you are doing great. I am keeping my fingers crossed and wishing you well.</p>

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<p>Oh, sunriseeast - you can’t imagine the respect I feel for you, whether you cry or complain about this struggle you’re in, or teach us, or make us laugh, or amaze us, as you have since your first post here. I don’t have your talent with words (few people do!), so I can’t express this well. But go ahead and cry when you need to! That self-absorption you talk about may be necessary, occasionally, to marshal your defenses.</p>

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<p>sunriseeast wishing and hoping you get good news. It is difficult to keep up positive energy perhaps the rare cry gives you a chance to recharge. Smiling or crying you are respected either way.</p>

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<p>Good morning, sunrise. :slight_smile: I hope you’re doing better today. </p>

<p>You have my respect! You also have a license to cry. Go ahead and use it. No one will blame you. It might even be theraputic. </p>

<p>Please keep us posted.</p>

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<p>Always remember that just because you’re not a starving, crippled four-year-old in a third world nation, that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to cry sometimes. Your strength has always been, and continues to be, astounding. I know that you see it as your saving grace, and I’m certain that your strength has helped you weather everything you’ve been through, but there’s nothing negative about admitting out loud, “You know, sometimes I just feel like poo,” every now and then. Just like with your immune system, you have to give your strength a bit of a rest every now and then… Use your strength to get better. If it gets unbearable to use your strength to keep a world of pity at bay, then save your strength and allow yourself a good cry. If you want, you can focus your energy on a specific purpose for crying, like on expelling the frustration and the sadness and exhaustion from your body… Don’t see crying as an act of sinking into despondency. Just see it as a break from carrying something really heavy. You’ll pick your burden back up after you’re done resting your strength.</p>

<p>If you want, after your cry, you can indulge in a good laugh to counterbalance any bad crying mojo. :slight_smile: Call the funniest friend you know and talk for a while, or watch a movie that never fails to make you smile, or throw water balloons at passing joggers.</p>

<p>No pity. Just a bit of a breather. You’re allowed to take a breather sometimes.</p>

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<p>Please, please allow yourself to be human like the rest of us. It is too much of a burden to be superwoman all of the time. Keeping those standards too rigid can lead to cracks in the armor, let yourself be soft.</p>

<p>You have done a terrific job, now is the time to relax and enjoy life once again. Let the tears fall- post stress release of tension, perhaps. It takes time to get over feeling like a cancer patient. As the demands on you for tests and check ups eases it will become easier to push it into the background. </p>

<p>Please let us know how you’re doing over the rest of this year. We want to hear how you have progressed to other, more fun things, in your life.</p>

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<p>Sunrise- it is moments like that that make you able to articulate the wisdom you share. You have too much depth not to be absorbing the experience fully. Because of that, you do not walk alone.</p>

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<p>It is here where you can cry. Here you can confess that you cried. Here is where you can freely shed tears. No apologies.</p>

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<p>

First, I would not call it complaining, but since you do:
You are complaining because this is scary.
You are complaining because this is very difficult.
You are complaining because it is exhausting to keep it together
You are complaining because you are very tired.
You are complaining because you are worried about being here to see your grandchildren
You are complaining because you do not want to leave your husband alone
You are complaining because your body is not behaving as you planned.
You are complaining because ----THIS SUCKS</p>

<p>You get to feel what you feel. Own it. Feel it, Move on!</p>

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<p>I don’t see anything wrong with complaining – or crying – from time to time.</p>

<p>You’re dealing with a prolonged and complex medical problem. Of course the stress is going to get to you sometimes.</p>

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<p>R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me…Respect =sunriseeast! :D</p>

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<p>Today, I saw my dr. for post chemo consultation. When he walked in and asked me how I was doing, I said “the rapture did not take place as predicted last Saturday, but I feel like I am facing my judgment day today”. He said, well, your CT/PET scan is completely clean!</p>

<p>I did not expect this. I went in there bracing myself for a discussion regarding further treatment options. My diagnosis was the most advanced kind (stage 4B), and my surgery outcome was sub optimal in that a 5.3x3.6 cm tumor was deemed inoperable and left behind among other sub 1 cm smaller cancer nodules. This tumor did not shrink on the scan I took at a half way point during chemo. Furthermore, my cancer, at the time of diagnosis was extensively metastatic: spread all over the abdominal & pelvic area.</p>

<p>Given all this, I knew odds were not in my favor that I would go into remission after a standard 6 cycles (18 weeks) of front line therapy. </p>

<p>So, this combined with the fact that I breezed through 18 weekly chemo infusion sessions without any side effects (other than the neutrophilis tanking and hair falling out) tells me that I am already beating the odds big time.</p>

<p>I know the odds for recurrence within a few years are near 100% for my diagnosis, but I hope I can beat these too - or at least stay in long remission at a time.</p>

<p>I told my doc “you never looked so handsome as you do today!”, and he had a big laugh (this guy never smiles or laughs, so this is a major accomplishment on my part!) - in reality, he actually looks like a grumpy frog. But, he is a very competent doctor.</p>

<p>Next step: I will contact a couple of places where they are conducting vaccine trial for women who recently went into remission.</p>

<p>I thank all of you who supported me and cheered me all throughout this journey from the beginning. Since so many of you egged me on to write a book, I decided to do that: probably not publishable for big audience, but as a personal project to create a record of my journey for close friends and relatives/family members. </p>

<p>From now on, I will occasionally post when I write new essays. Writing these essays has been a cathartic experience and proved to be very therapeutic for me. I would like to share them with you.</p>

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<p>Congratulations!!! May you have 100 more years of clean PET/CT scans. May you see your GREAT grandchildren marry. And may we all live to see the press conference announcing the cure for all cancers.</p>

<p>A Fellow Survivor</p>

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<p>I cannot think of a post that has made me happier than this one! This is wonderful news! God bless and please do share your essays. You have been an inspiration, and I’m sure you will continue to be an inspiration for a long, long time.</p>

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<p>Your post gives hope to those with similar dire prognosis’s It makes me happy, not only for you and those who know and love you, but also gives me hope for my friend who also has a difficult diagnosis Thank you beyond words for sharing.</p>

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<p>Wow! What wonderful news! </p>

<p>It’s great to hear of a success story. I have many friends struggling with/living with metastatic cancer and I sometimes hear good news and sometimes not-so-good. But this was really REALLY great!</p>

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<p>So glad to read this! I’ve been looking for an update - now I’ll be looking for the book. What wonderful news for you and your family.</p>

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<p>Sunrise, when I saw this thread at the top of the list, I paused for a second before clicking on it. Holding my breath, I scrolled to your post, but the number of exclamation marks in the posts that followed it told me that the news would be good. It is better than good, it is excellent!!! Here, I’m adding a few more exclamation marks :slight_smile: Congratulations!</p>

<p>Forgot to say: I’m looking forward to reading your essays. Keep them coming!</p>

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<p>I’m overwhelmed with happiness for you! This is the best news I’ve read in months.</p>