<p>healing thoughts, sunrise!</p>
<p>Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers</p>
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<p>Since I am reminded of my ensuing mortality so deftly, I would like to also share my long term plan that goes way beyond the usual laundry list of finances and such. </p>
<p>Being a consummate long range planner, when it is appropriate, I will designate three of my friends as a committee co-chairs to get a new wife for my husband. </p>
<p>Just to be sure, I will also be creating a dating profile for him on an on line site for 50+ singles. What better recommendation letter than a heartfelt endorsement from a dying wife? I could say something like, I tried him for ~30 years, and trust me they don’t get any better than this. What do they use as a euphemism for used car? Pre-owned, right? Yeah, I will give him the best certificate as a previous owner. </p>
<p>There is a caveat though. The new wife will NOT have anymore closet space than what I had, and she will not get any of my jewelry - that’s for my son’s kids.</p>
<p>sunrise, love your sense of humor. :)</p>
<p>“What do they use as a euphemism for used car? Pre-owned, right? Yeah, I will give him the best certificate as a previous owner.”</p>
<p>When it comes to coveted designer goods, the term is “pre-loved”. ;)</p>
<p>All the best to you. You are in my thoughts.</p>
<p>You could say that he is “gently broken in.”
But here’s hoping that the 2 of you have many miles yet to go together.</p>
<p>sunrise, you’d better plan to stick around. I can’t imagine that your search committee will be able to find anyone who could follow your act!</p>
<p>Re post #843. </p>
<p>Trust me, the committee and online dating site listing is unnecessary. No references or recs are required either. There will be a glut of widows & divorcees who show up at the funeral. They descent like vultures. (My father is in his late 80’s & on his third go-round – he was married to my long-deceased mom & then wife #2 for about 30 years apiece; the wedding to wife #3 took place within 5 months after wife #2’s funeral.)</p>
<p>However, if you have a prolonged illness, then the prospects will show up at the hospital, home and/or hospice to hold your husband’s hand while he sits at your bedside, and bring a steady supply of precooked meals and casseroles to your home. That means your current circle of unattached women friends will have the first opportunity to make a favorable impression. There won’t be any overt romance going on, it will just be a remarkable show of support and you and your husband will simply be thankful at the time. But of course it will give you an opportunity to check out the prospects face-to-face.</p>
<p>Sunriseeast, I’m 16 and my mom died of ovarian cancer about two years ago. She, like you, was a wonderful, loving woman, and her loss was very difficult for my brother, dad, and I. That said, it gets better on this side too, and even though your children and husband will be sad for a while, I’m sure they’ll have the fortitude to go on to live happy, productive lives. I wish you the best of luck.</p>
<p>Desafinado: I am so sorry for your loss. Your mother did give you a gift: the strength to go on and live life.</p>
<p>Sunrise: When I was undergoing chemo a woman that I knew suddenly became my new best friend. She was a cliche: single mother (never married, father of her daughter was married, how unfortunate) suddenly tried to become my best friend. When I finally told my husband that she was looking to be my replacement, my husband exploded. He said, paraphrasing, that he had a vote in this. And his vote was that I was going to live. Over…done…</p>
<p>Don’t make plans for your husband. He’s YOURS…and don’t you dare give up.</p>
<p>this is all hilarious!!! Thanks for the good laugh.</p>
<p>Fortunately 
I don’t have any unattached girl friend. All of my female friends are happily married. So, it’s good that I don’t have to second guess anybody’s intention.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, the plan of record is still for me to continue to be a pain in the butt for my husband for a long time.</p>
<p>Desafinado, I am so sorry that you lost your mother at such a young age. It’s good to hear that life is getting better for you and your family. You sound like a very mature and compassionate young woman. </p>
<p>ellebud, What a horrible story, and what a horrible woman! She sounds like a vulture, circling any unattached, or possibly-to-become-unattached, man in her vicinity. I imagine that most men run the other way as fast as possible. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to be undergoing cancer treatment and have your “replacement” present herself.</p>
<p>sunrise, I am rooting for you to be the star of this new trial!</p>
<p>“Meanwhile, the plan of record is still for me to continue to be a pain in the butt for my husband for a long time.”</p>
<p>LOVE THIS!!</p>
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<p>Thanks for such comforting words. I am so sorry that you had to lose your mom in such a young age. When I got diagnosed this past winter, I felt for grateful that my kids were almost done with their teenage years (at that time 17 and 20). Best of luck to you too.</p>
<p>sunriseeast,</p>
<p>My parents who are 75 and 81 have picked out “future” spouses for each other.</p>
<p>That being said, I will put myself on the block for sunriseeasthubby. Hopefully we won’t meet until the age of my parents. :)</p>
<p>I am a clean freak, cook okay, and talk excessively. I’m pretty low maintenance, but by 80 I may need some denture cream. Sound okay?</p>
<p>Your humor through your ordeal is great! Exactly what I would hope I would do,</p>
<p>Sunrise - I check on you from time to time because I love your writing and you inspire me. I am so sorry that the remission was too short. I wish you successful battles in round 3. You overachieved in round one and I believe you will do so now. I am glad you have the trial/medication opportunity. Your gratitude list moves me. Your story about making the doctor laugh makes me laugh. </p>
<p>What exactly do we need to say to J&J?</p>
<p>Prayers for strength and healing to you, olipond, countingdown, and desafinado. Also praying for your family.</p>
<p>I am a member of the CC community who posts on a semi-regular basis. I am posting under another name to preserve my anonymity.</p>
<p>Sunrise, your story is one I have been following since you first posted it. As many others have said, you are a courageous and inspirational woman. You have a wonderful gift with words and I am awed by your ability.</p>
<p>Now, I am using your words for personal inspiration. I have been diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer. I will never be able to do what you have done, but I am doing a great job so far (if I do say so myself) in maintaining a positive attitude. It is one thing I have control over, and I’ll be darned if I want to be feeling all sad and miserable. </p>
<p>Thank you for sharing all that you have gone through. I have re-read everything again during this past month and it has been so helpful. I will be thinking of you and hoping that this latest hurdle is just one more that you will conquer with your usual grace, courage, and sense of humor.</p>
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<p>I am so sorry that you found yourself in this place where none enters willingly. But given that here you are, I have a lot to share with you, since I started this journey a few months earlier and did a lot of research. Please PM me if you would like some pointers. If I can be of help in any way, it will be a good thing for me to “give”, and I would like that.</p>
<p>The CC is an amazing community, and none more astounding than you, Sunrise.</p>
<p>Have Hope and Sunriseeast - Thinking good thoughts for both of you. This is an amazing community; I’m glad that in the less than ideal situations you’ve found yourselves with, you have found support within it. You both have so many people pulling for you and I hope you feel that positive energy.</p>
<p>I sympathize completely with you, Have Hope and Sunriseeast. I, too, received a diagnosis of advanced cancer last April, completely out of the blue. All I had was a terrible backache. My orthopedist finally ordered an MRI and found a major tumor on my spine. Further scans then revealed it had metastisized to my lungs. What a shock and a mess! My whole life went upside-down. I, too, led a very healthy lifestyle, exercising, eating right, non-smoker, etc. it took my doctors two weeks after the needle biopsies to figure out what I have, a very rare cancer (spindle-cell carcinoma) that doesn’t even have literature on its treatment. I have had radiation and now am in my 6th round of aggressive chemo. Fortunately I am responding well to the chemo, although my hair is gone. </p>
<pre><code> It’s impossible to know my prognosis, although that goes for everyone. All I know is the hardest part for me was telling my daughter and my parents.
My D is a junior in college. I sent her to Spain to study abroad, because I don’t want her lifestyle to change. I want her to have all the experiences of life that she can, while she is young and healthy. I want to see her graduate, I want to see her get married, I want to see my grandkids, but who knows which of those wishes I will get. As for my parents, they are approaching their 90s with their own health problems, but I can’t really be there for them, and I don’t want to add to their worries, so I play everything down for them. Only my husband and I really know the truth, as much as we can know. I have gone from being an avid hiker and swimmer to disabled, because my walking has been affected by the spinal tumor (which should be dead after radiation, but still presses on my sciatic nerve).
On the upside, I am still able to work, have excellent health insurance, have an excellent pension, was able to bump up my life insurance, and can retire if I need to. I feel better after all this treatment and only have to take one painkiller a day. I look fine, and with my wig on, no one knows i am so sick. Working is actually the best thing for me, because it gets me up and out of the house and makes me feel NORMAL.
Please, everyone out there, bump up your life insurance today while you are healthy. You never know what will happen to you. And enjoy every single day. Do something FUN today for me.
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