<p>{{hugs}} to you, sunrise. Please let your friends help you. You need to reserve all your energy for fighting this disease, not riding trains. Please let your friends spoil you. If they’re like us on this thread, they’re dying to do something tangible for you. They’ll be glad to do it. </p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>Sunrise - I do hope you get this all published, it is very compelling writing and comforting to others struggling with cancer or anything else that shakes you to your core. I think it takes a great deal of humility to accept help, to accept prayers, to admit you need help. My mother was a breast cancer survivor and told me once, when a prayer chain was actively praying for her, that she could feel it, actually palpably feel it. I pooh-poohed her but she was very adamant that the caring thoughts of others was what got her through. I think your elite forces are those friends around you now. You are still the general in command - you have all sorts of weapons left in addition to the medicines on the trial, just got to let them work for you.</p>
<p>Sunrise- I get your dilemma. It took me a long to realize that asking for help required that I be strong. Try to let yourself walk on the other side of the street. You may like what you find there. And as someone who has walked these challenging walks with friends and family, I can tell you that the only thing worse than seeing a loved one struggle, would be to be banned from being able to lighten the load in some small way, even if it is just to bear witness and listen. Your writing transports me. Thanks.</p>
<p>Think of your friends as guerilla warriors helping you fight the enemy. An effective general delegates to others. Let your friends help you conserve your energy for more important battles.</p>
<p>Sunrise, life is a journey. There is no way to tell what will be around the corner. Learning to embrace what comes our way and to make the very best of it, whatever it may be, allows us to live successfully. Just keep doing what you feel is best. It will all work itself out. Life has a way of allowing us to figure out what we should do when we open ourselves up to the possibilities before us. You have taken a positive step in assessing yourself … you will know what to do as time goes on.</p>
<p>Sunrise you are so self perceptive even when you aren’t looking. Embrace all that love and positive energy of your friends and family who want to be there not just for you but truly with you. No matter the number of days, weeks or years remaining it is the here and now that counts so leave room in your life right now to not take from those offering their time but to give them the gift of your presence and insights.</p>
<p>just wanted to know you are in my thoughts, and I am sure you are in the thoughts of many others here as well.</p>
<p>Based on the area in Northern NJ that I surmise Sunrise lives, I assume she doesn’t have power yet. The trains to NYC have also been a mess, service finally restored around 8-9am today. I hope she is coping well without heat and power.</p>
<p>I hope she has considered taking a hotel room in the city!</p>
<p>thanks for your concern…</p>
<p>I am in central NJ and we did not lose power. </p>
<p>I shared with my friends the last essay (the drug of my choice…), and several of them decided to “reform” me (or should I say “rehab” me), and I relented. I told them what I would appreciate most is cooked meal.</p>
<p>On this round, food has become a problem. I have only that much tolerance for doing anything to do with food. I can cook it or I can eat it, but I can’t do both: by the time I am done with cooking, I get so turned off that I can’t it. My husband cooked for me, but there is only so many meals he can cook over the weekend - and I want him to be able to rest too. I did buy some prepared meals too (like Wholefood), but I am a bit wary: they don’t make prepared meals with organic ingredients… Last wed, I was so pleased to have some appetite I went to a Chinese restaurant for lunch and sort of overate. Boy, did I pay for that or what. I used to joke that my stomach can digest a piece of metal and a piece of rock together. Well, not so. The food sat in the stomach like an anchor and won’t move. I threw up all night. I think lately my whole system has been tinkered so much that it is operating without much margin. I need to be more careful.</p>
<p>Any way, last few days I have a barrage of cooked meals delivered to me by friends, and I have to say I feel SO nourished, not just nutritionally…</p>
<p>I remain very optimistic that the treatment is working very well (cancer-O-meter has been mostly quiet), though it’s hard on me. I get a scan next week: a bit scared, but I think it will show a great deal of improvement…</p>
<p>Meanwhile, I have spent quite a lot of time over the weekend, checking all the insurance claims and what not this year, and I feel so lucky to have a good insurance. The size of the total medical expense so far could feed a town or a small city in some country for a year! - and this is just me, and we have other expenses, e.g., my son’s surgery as a result of the mugging incident this summer (no, not life threatening. they had to transfer some bone material from his ribs and then use it as a filler for a broken orbital bone - another harrowing story this year). All we paid in net so far is about $1500 - and no more expense this year on our part since all the deductibles have been met…</p>
<p>Something has to be done for the this whole healthcare issue.</p>
<p>Glad to hear that you are warm and nourished. :)</p>
<p>“Something has to be done for the this whole healthcare issue.”</p>
<p>Nothing like a cancer to persuade you that the whole healthcare system is broken. When you realize how many people are diagnosed late because they don’t have insurance… it’s crazy.</p>
<p>to my credit, I supported the healthcare initiatives BEFORE I was diagnosed, when I was so healthy I never needed more than a annual physical check up and regular preventive dental care and armed with a iron clad health insurance coverage 
- the insurance I still have, but it’s a scary feeling: if we both retire before I am eligible for medicare, nobody will insure me unless the full blown health care initiative gets instituted…</p>
<p>^^^I hear ya. DH has great medical coverage and the idea of changing employers is a very scary thing because my bills are enormous. Knowing that my life depends on his insurance puts a whole new light on retirement, relationships, etc.</p>
<p>I am really happy to hear you have let your friends nourish you. How many more rounds do you have of this chemo regimen?</p>
<p>glad to hear you don’t have this power nightmare to deal with.</p>
<p>Have you tried Trader Joe’s boxed soups? Several of them are organic and with some extra beans or frozen veggies added, they make a quick, but filling & tasty meal.</p>
<p>Hurray for your friends! Blessings to you and them.</p>
<p>Thank goodness for great friends! And, I’m very glad you’ve got power.</p>
<p>Just hoping you are eating well and feeling better! Let your friends pamper you a little bit</p>
<p>Thinking of you, sunriseeast, and hoping that your friends are taking good care of you. I pray for your continued healing, and the strength to get through this arduous journey.</p>
<p>Thinking of you and sending powerful positive thoughts your way.</p>