<p>Sending you good thoughts and prayers, and to your family, too.</p>
<p>I prayed for you this morning.</p>
<p>Sending prayers your way on day two. Hope you’re home and gearing up for the fight.</p>
<p>Just chiming in to join the many others wishing you speed and peace in your recovery. I am constantly amazed at the compassion and support found on CC… </p>
<p>We’ll keep the chain going until we hear from you again… for now rest and recover knowing that so many strangers are holding you in their thoughts and prayers.</p>
<p>I’m not a parent but I would want my parents to be honest with me if they were to ever be diagnosed with cancer. It will be hard, for both sides, but you guys should hopefully be able to communicate freely and discuss any plans or fears that they may have.</p>
<p>Sending prayers and positive messages your way.</p>
<p>I am thinking of you and hope that things are going well. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.</p>
<p>Cancer sucks. Joining in the CC chorus, of hugs and prayers for you. </p>
<p>Reposting Boomers Post-( in case some people have missed it.) So lovely.</p>
<p>Boomer’s post:
During my treatment I was sent this Buddhist prayer:</p>
<p>May all be loved
May all be sheltered
May all be healed
May all be free from fear
May I be loved
May I be sheltered
May I be healed
May I be free from fear</p>
<p>I wish that for you.</p>
<p>Adding my thoughts, and keeping you in the light…</p>
<p>To those who have written that they would want to know (Writer 1992) and parents who have been open and honest and for them it worked: Speaking as one who has had to give the cancer news…no, the kids (high school and above) don’t want or may not want to know really. What they want to know is that you will be ok and that they will be ok. </p>
<p>Example: My college age daughter’s friend asked me would happen if the chemo didn’t work. I said that they would go experimental. And, came the question, if that doesn’t work. I replied, “I’ll die.” My daughter almost threw a fit. She started screaming that I shouldn’t be “dramatic”. I wasn’t, it was the truth that she didn’t and couldn’t hear.</p>
<p>Example: A certain kind of cancer runs in my family. My two second cousins died of a form of it, my mother died of it, and I have those cells…but NOT the disease. The kids don’t want to know that they must be on guard because they have a MUCH higher than usual risk. One kid broached the subject and when I tried to address their DIRECT question he/she became quite upset and shut down. And I wasn’t about to tell this child “too” much, just that there was a higher than average chance (which the child ascertained on the internet.) </p>
<p>I don’t care how old/sophisticated the person is, there are some people who simply don’t want to know. Please be sensitive to that.</p>
<p>Ellebud, I’m sorry you’ve had to struggle with this horrible situation.</p>
<p>You raise a good point. I think that a lot probably depends on the individual kid, their sensitivities, coping style, relationship/history with parent, etc.</p>
<p>That would seem to argue for starting slowly with small pieces of information and gauging the reaction over time as a guide to how much info to discuss, when, and in what manner.</p>
<p>Best to you and your family.</p>
<p>I agree with Ellebud that the parents should follow the kids’ lead. However, I think the permission has to be there for them to ask and they need to know that they will receive honest answers – and that permission needs to be plainly articulated. In my family, my mother’s cancer was a secret from me throughout my childhood and adolescence, to the point that out-and-out lies were told. I learned to not believe what was right in front of me which didn’t serve me well in other situations. It’s also very hard to know someone when the biggest truth in that person’s life is not being spoken.</p>
<p>Absolutely never lie to your kids. But I have found that kids, no matter how sophisticated or old DON’t want to know the details. They want and need to know that their lives are safe and predictable, and that, in the end, all will be ok. I’ve seen, in more than one instance, kids who love their parents/grandparents/siblings avoid the truth.</p>
<p>When I was 33, with a one year old and a failing pregnancy, my mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer and scheduled for immediate surgery. </p>
<p>My father told me she had ulcers. </p>
<p>I was in the hospital myself, at the far end of the state, having a D&C for the lost pregnancy. It was two weeks later when my father blurted out “Didn’t you guess, it’s stomach cancer.”</p>
<p>No, I didn’t guess. I believed him. I still feel that betrayal and that devastation. I would much rather have preferred to know the truth, even a minimized truth. It’s 20 years next month since my mother died. </p>
<p>(When I met with the surgeon, he minimized it. Drew a picture with a tiny little tumor, scaled to polyp size. When I asked if the tumor was that small, he admitted no it wasn’t, it was more melon sized. That’s when I really understood.)</p>
<p>Wishing you strength through your trials.</p>
<p>There has been so much improvement in cures for cancer in the last ten years! A relative had Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and had chemotherapy. The cancer came back after a year and a half. He then had chemotherapy and a treatment where they took his own blood and stem cells, filtered them (I don’t know how exactly) and put them back in him. He now is cancer free for about 8 years!</p>
<p>Hoping for the best for you.</p>
<p>may force is with you. Peace.</p>
<p>sunriseeast, you are in my thoughts and prayers. May you make a full and speedy recovery.</p>
<p>SunriseEast - thinking of you and praying for you. Positive thoughts.</p>
<p>SunriseEast - Hope you are comfortable today and have some super-duper pain meds, if needed, and terrific medical care. Let us know how you are.</p>
<p>Looking forward to SunriseEast’s update…Ellebud, I understand why you feel the way you do. In some cases, you’re probably right. But usually,an honest ongoing conversation, with careful attention to how and how much is said, is usually good for both the child and the parent. Since no one can predict what will happen or when, giving definites (“I’ll be fine” or “I’ll die”) is probably not good for anyone. It can be difficult enough to live with the life-changing events after the diagnosis (although usually temporary), trying to pretend at home that all is well is really hard. Trying to keep a normal routine with the kids, as much as possible, is really important. Kids need it and want it. My youngest said she was happy to get to school and be like everyone else. She knew some of what was going on, but she could go to school, dance class, etc. and not deal with illness at home. At home, we kept it honest but not morbid, discussed our options, celebrated good news, and were honest when things were not going as well. But we didn’t let it interfere with the kids’ schedules. That’s where the great friends and relatives come in. This is too long, sorry. But I can’t leave it not said.</p>