I don’t read essays for this purpose but will give you some advice. A great writer once told me that crafting these requires the following sequence:
- Brainstorm - all ideas, no editing, just write your thoughts
- Engineer - bring structure to your thoughts, make it flow
- Edit - be ruthless with your editing. Every word is precious real estate. Make them count. No wasted space. No fluff. Be concise!
- Don't be afraid to "shoot your darlings" - just because you wrote it, don't be committed to letting it make the final cut. Whole sections of your essay, after several readings, may fall in the category of "Nah".
Be very critical of everything you write. Is it essential? If not, cut it loose.
Best of luck.