This thread has focused on college and trying to reach a compromise with your mom, but I wonder if the driving issue isn’t what you describe in the quote above? If you really mean this, and if you believe your mom will not budge, you may want to reach out to organizations that help/support people who are struggling with whether (and/or how) to break away their Orthodox communities. I have no experience with such things, and maybe someone here knows something about this or other organizations, but one such organization is
THE CHOICE TO LEAVE AN ULTRA-ORTHODOX COMMUNITY IS NOT AN EASY ONE.
No one else can make the decision for you. At Footsteps, we offer unconditional support without an agenda.
Our members come to Footsteps at various stages in their transition out of ultra-Orthodox communities. People who arrive at Footsteps may be:
- questioning the tenets of ultra-Orthodoxy;
- opposed to entering into an arranged marriage;
- already married with children;
- seeking a secular education;
- out of the community but looking to connect with others like themselves.
It sounds like you are in a very difficult position and face very difficult choices. I feel for you and wish you the best.