I’m a rising junior. I haven’t taken the PSAT yet but I got a 31 on the ACT last year but I want to bring it up to 34 this year. My mom will not be contributing at all. I’m really hoping to get a really good scholarship, and then get a part time job to pay off the rest.
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Does your school offer the PSAT-NMSQT test this Fall? If yes, take it. If not, work with your counselor to find another school that will let you take it there. Also spend time preparing for that test. I would start now.
https://www.nationalmerit.org/s/1758/start.aspx?gid=2&pgid=61
Based on your mom’s income and family assets, will you qualify for need based aid?
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Honestly, I live in Ohio and I’m scared of moving out of state. New York is really expensive and I don’t know where I’d live on off campus breaks, because transportation back to home would be way to expensive, and also I don’t know if my mom would even want me home.
So you go to a school that offers the ACT but students don’t go to college? Or you took it elsewhere?
There has to be someone at school you can talk to about all of this…is there not?
I think they have to offer it legally or something. No one besides me took it seriously. There used to be a guidance counselor but she retired, I tried speaking to her but she kind of brushed me off.
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Ohio requires the ACT for high school graduation.
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I think I’d qualify for need based aid.
If you do really well on the PSAT, there are schools that will give significant merit for national merit semifinalists/finalists. I think there’s a thread on this, which I hope someone will link to.
The cutoff to qualify for NMSF depends on your state.
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If that’s the case..I think there are organizations that can help you with this/find people who will host you during vacations. The community is a lot wider than orthodox and there will be people to help make sure you don’t fall through the cracks. BUT the ideal is to get your mom on your side even if reluctantly supportive, if it all possible.
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Exactly. Even if mom isn’t contributing the relationship will have to be such that mom will complete FAFSA every year (and CSS profile if necessary.) If mom won’t fill out the forms, OP won’t be able to get need based financial aid or the federal student loans.
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I agree with all the very good suggestions for trying to play along with your mom so that you have the best chance of getting what you need from her: for her to fill out the FAFSA every year, and to “let” you go to college. You don’t need her permission to go of course, but the more she’s on board, the better. Tell her whatever is necessary to get that support, even if it means lying about your religious practices.
Once you turn 18, the only real power she’ll have over you is money (and willingness to fill out the FAFSA). In becoming financially independent, it will be best to try to get an on-campus job. Once you have enough credits in your nursing program, you can apply for a CNA license. Those jobs are plentiful and the pay is decent.
And if things go so terribly that you get kicked out and can’t afford even community college? It will feel terrible but will still be okay. You can support yourself by working full time and living with roommates. It’s not ideal, but you will make it through, and school will always be there for you. Best of luck to you. Focus on your goals and be strategic. You’ve got this!
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You are a rising junior. At this point, just make sure you are taking the required courses for high school graduation in your state. You want to take four years each of English, Math, Science, Social Studies, and up to at least level three of a foreign language. You should also take one arts course.
For the time being…stop talking about colleges with your parents. You need a break from this. And really, you don’t need to make any decisions soon anyway. So…research colleges, and see what you can find that will be affordable, and where you can get accepted.
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I googled “organziations that help ultra orthodox women leave the community” and this came up. I have no idea if this is appropriate for you but there are organizations out there that give support
https://www.footstepsorg.org/
It specifically states on their website that they give academic and scholarship support, good luck OP
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Are you familiar with “Footsteps”?
Sorry, posted simultaneously with the previous poster! But still a good rec.
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I think a lot of the advice would be great for a more typical “Orthodox” family where a strong HIllel, or the UMD community, or Chabad nearby, would be a great solution.
My guess is that OP is in a much more insular setting. Bais Yaakov has itself a spectrum of expectations for girls/women. There’s one I know of in Ohio that has many families that I would consider extreme, and I’m an observant Jew.
I think, OP, that your goal to work with sick people and help them, is amazing and a real kiddush hashem (good Jewish example). I am hopeful that your mom will come around.
One thing no one has said yet is that if you dress frum on the tour, other kids might like to come talk to you because they’ll want to talk about the Jewish community on campus or ask you if you know where to get kosher food, etc. So you could even make friends who are also applying, or who are already at the schools you are visiting.
People change religiously in college all the time, which of course is why your mother is so antsy about this. But also, you don’t have do be religious at all but when it is up to you, you may find a different way of being Jewish that feels authentic. I planned to go to Friday night fraternity parties and date nonJewish boys (secretly I planned this) but then I did join Hillel and when it was my choice, I decided that traditional/egalitarian was where I found myself. I also did not like the one fraternity party I attended.
I guess what I’m saying is that there’s a big wide world out there..someone above mentioned Touro. Maybe Stern is an option? I think both do give need aid so if your parents were on board with it, you could apply for that. HOWEVER, both are going to be full of nosy girls who can’t wait to call your mom and tattle on you that you wore blue jeans. If you go to a large public university, that is much less likely.
(Even at MIT Hillel there was a guy who wanted to call this girl’s parents to tattle on her for dating a nonJewish guy. I thought it was appalling and talked him out of it.)
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FYI I had sent OP a link to footsteps via DM but she was having trouble accessing it, hopefully she can use a library computer to do it. But again, ideally that is last resort.
Re dress. This is just an aside. I have some frum cousins who dress both frum and very trendy at the same time. If you didn’t know what to look for, you probably would not think twice about it, just see some girls in long flowing skirts etc. I don’t know if this is kind of a compromise. What I do know is that people dress all sorts of ways on college tours and there is not much that will necessarily stand out. Also, no one is likely to remember what you wore on a college tour if you end up at the same college as them months later!
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That’s true, but if she has to wear her light blue / dark blue uniform with the buttons and one of the standard long hair styles, she will be clearly a Beis Yaakov girl. I think the mom wants to make sure that is the case?
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I’m not familiar enough to know if it would be seen as necessary to wear the school uniform outside of school. In any case, as before, no one will likely remember who was who months later…if they even care contemporaneously. (And likely no one else will be able to identify which school, anyway. I wouldn’t , other than recognizing it as orthodox)
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Did you also DM the phone number from the Footsteps website? Though depending how the phone bill works, that could be risky.
All teenagers are self conscious about their clothes when in a new situation. The outfit is the absolute least of the OPs issues. Finding an affordable education is job 1 right now. There will be kids on the tour in hijabs, modestly dressed LDS high schoolers, kids dressed in contemporary clothes but with a mom in a Sari or burka, etc. OP needs to do what she needs to do to reassure her parents that her educational goals are solid and appropriate…and then deal with her wardrobe down the line .
OP you can do this. Don’t get distracted.
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