Iris, the financial problem has to be solved first – so no point in discussing safety with your mom.
If you applied EA to the school that accepted you, then you don’t have to make a decision now. Also, sometimes if you are eligible for merit scholarships you may not find out untll later on – so one more reason to wait. There really is no good reason to make a deposit right away. (And maybe that is what has set off your parent’s response).
The options will become more clear in the spring when you have financial aid awards in hand.
My daughter, like you, also wanted to leave the state. Unlike your mom, I wasn’t worried about her safety – but I was worried about money, so I told my daughter that she had to apply in-state and that decisions could only be made after she had financial aid offers in from all schools.
That made the decision process easy. My daughter got into all sorts of out-of-state colleges that I couldn’t afford to pay for. But she did get into one that was generous with financial aid, so off she went.
Since your dad doesn’t have the extra emotional complication of being fearful for your safety, I would suggest that you talk finances with your dad. You need to figure out where the line is drawn between what your family can afford, what they could manage with a stretch, and what would be totally impossible.