Fwiw, my husband is somewhat socially anxious, doesn’t talk quickly or smoothly “on his feet” - and not only was he an engineer, he is also a lawyer, and he’s been relatively successful at both. Granted, he doesn’t litigate, but he needs to talk to clients and communicate with staff on a regular basis. Social anxieties never held him back in either profession, so don’t let your parents convince you of that.
I just wanted to add - I know very little about the first three schools you are interested in - Harvey Mudd, Caltech, and UC Berkeley - but I do understand those to still be very selective. You have excellent grades and test scores, but still…
Do you have any safeties you’d be happy with? (Both academic and financial safeties.)
The OP can likely find some fairly easily, among other UCs (but be careful, many UCs are more selective for engineering or CS than overall), CSUs (similar for some CSUs), and automatic full ride scholarship schools (see http://automaticfulltuition.yolasite.com/ ). But it is likely that anything that could possibly be a safety would be unacceptable to prestige-obsessed parents.
Ok, it is time for you to act as an adult. If you ask somebody to sponsor your venture, you have to convince them to do it. Imagine that you are pitching s startup company to investors. If you start with “I like this idea, it will make me happy” - forget it, nobody will give you a dime. Just think along these lines.
Your parents want you to apply to Stanford? Apply. If you are rejected, it is not your fault, you tried it. If you are are accepted, but don’t want to go … OK, you will worry about it when you are accepted.
You say your mom is a nurse? What about your dad? I would make sure that $3000 net cost is accurate!
If it is…schools like HYPS give great need based aid.
And just an FYI…all of the schools that are your choice also carry a prestige tag in many circles.
Berkeley, Caltech and Harvey Mudd are all great schools (folks familiar with engineering would totally recognize Harvey Mudd).
It’s not like you picked some random no name schools to visit!
Just make sure that you have some true likely admissions in your application list. All of,the schools you have listed are not slam dunks, even for high stats kids like you.
DO NOT listen to posters who say you should apply to where your parents tell you, and that you can worry about Stanford after you get in. Only apply to colleges you will be happy to attend. Stanford isn’t one of them. Your parents, IMO, are not wise, because they are imposing their will on you and setting you up for a lot of unhappiness. If your parents want to be impressed, show them payscale rankings, whihc if I recallput Harvey Mudd #1 in the nation for ROI.
Do not study medicine if you don’t want to. I agree with other posters. I think it is likely you will get into some tippy top colleges. You will probably get most of your need met and will only need to come up with a small amount of money each year. You can work and get scholarships,especially with your stats. You will soon be an adult, and very successful by the sounds of it. Live the life you want to live, and I guarantee you your parents will get over it. Do be sure to apply to a safety, just in case. Good luck, and barring any unforeseen problems, welcome to Harvey Mudd, or HYP.
@thumper1 Yeah, my mom is a nurse and has an elderly care business. My dad doesn’t work anymore. I was surprised when I saw the EFC too because it was way lower than I expected but my mom was disappointed it wasn’t lower, haha. And yes, I’ll be applying to the UCs as my matches and the UC ELC guarantee serves as my safety.
If your EFC really is only 3K, you will probably be eligible for fee waivers - perhaps helpful if your list expands beyond your parents’ preferred list.
I agree, double check those numbers, just to make sure.
Maybe you can negotiate with your folks - let them pick five schools and let you pick five schools. Just make sure you have at least a couple of safety, slam-dunk schools in the mix that you’d be happy to attend.
Good luck - you have exceptional credentials and I’m sure you’ll find a college that suits you!
Caltech is a great, but small school. Same with dartmouth. Id recommend those. I am a rising sophomore, so dont take it from my experience but statistic wise, from what your saying, they sound like a good fit.
Note that UC ELC in recent years has meant admission to UC Merced for eligible students who get shut out of other UCs. It may not be high enough on the prestige-meter for your parents, though. It would be best to apply specifically to all UCs that you are interested in.
Note that CS or engineering majors are often more selective majors at UCs, so consider that when estimating reach/match/safety. It can be very difficult to switch into CS or engineering majors after enrolling if one is not directly admitted as frosh. If undecided, consider carefully which UC campuses have the fewest restrictions on changing into any of your desired majors.
I think it’s far more important to stand your ground on your major and career choice. At any of those schools, you can get a great education with a bunch of great students who were likely cross-admitted to many of those schools. It might not be the school you most prefer, but if your parents are providing necessary support, you might have to compromised but are still going to be at a fantastic school with great peers and everything you need to further your education and career. Also, reading Fiske is one thing but you really can’t know how you will like the school until you experience it, all you can do is guess. You also still have a lot of time to sell them on the merits of the schools you prefer.
(There are many stories of students who didn’t get into their first choice school, matriculated at one they didn’t like as well, loved it, and wouldn’t change a thing. There are also many posts on here about students who ended up at their top choice school and aren’t happy.)
However, letting them force you into being a doctor is an entirely more serious matter. We’re not talking 4 years on one lovely campus with outstanding students and professors vs. 4 years on another lovely campus with outstanding students and professors. This is the rest of your life, and with the cost of med school, you will be locked into working in the field to pay off your loans. No one has the right to force you into that.
I’d also like to point out that you haven’t even toured Stanford yet. It may be frustrating that your parents don’t want to tour a school you are interested in, but evidently they think Stanford would be a good school for you, and it seems you are refusing to apply there without even taking a look. Perhaps you can strike a deal–I’ll take a serious look at Stanford, if you’ll tour Harvey Mudd. Also keep in mind that your parents do not have to tour the colleges you apply to (neither do you for that matter). It’s less common now, but when I applied to schools, I made those trips on my own. My parents didn’t visit any colleges with me.
So what? That’s not love. These aren’t loving actions. Like many other immigrants, yourself included, they are completely unaware of the fact that there are plenty of prestigious and excellent places beyond HYPSM. Loving people don’t push their children towards career paths that don’t interest them.
Who here doesn’t love their kid? My kid is going to study what she wants to study, not what we tell her to study. We would have been delighted and proud if she had decided to go to her safety school, even though she chose a more prestigious one. OPs parents are no doubt very proud and loving, but I don’t think they have the right to force their kid to apply to a college he isn’t interested in, and they have zero right to force him to study what they want him to study. OP will be an adult soon and his parents should allow him to make this decision, esepcially if they will be financing almost none of it.
I’ve heard that the EFC calculations can be incorrect for families that own a business. Others posting here may know more.
Note that Mudd doesn’t have the ivy-covered walls, statues, and classical columns that some might expect from a great college. It is a great college for STEM and is small enough to not be overwhelming. However, the Mudd campus looks a bit like a fairly large high school campus but add dorms and subtract the football field. If your prestige-focused parents come along, you might take them into the consortium through the Pomona College campus and emphasize that Mudd students can and do take classes and eat on all the consortium campuses.
Hey, @dsi411. I’ve seen you a bit on these forums in the last couple of years. As a fellow Nigerian-American on the opposite coast, my parents are also very prestige-driven (though not nearly as extreme as yours). Nigerian parents place a VERY high importance on education, some of which is, for better or worse, focused on the name of the college their children attend. I had a pretty high SAT like you - a 2000, actually - but struggled through high school in general. My parents let me apply wherever I wanted as long as I felt I had a reasonable shot at getting in. I wound up gaining admittance into six universities in six states, which was a huge surprise to me considering I entered the admissions process with such unpredictability. I am now entering my sophomore year at UNC Wilmington, and I couldn’t be happier or have found a better school for my success.
What I would suggest is that you talk to your parents very calmly. In fact, suggest a compromise; apply to schools that you want to attend in addition to schools that are prestigious. But tell them that your final choice will be based on how YOU fit in at the school and its atmosphere. This way, both sides can be appeased without much argument.
Since your father is retired, ask him to run the Net Price Calculators at the websites of each and every place he and your mom have put on the list. It is difficult for me to believe that your federal EFC is only $3,000 if your mom owns a business. Chances are that the places that also use other financial aid forms will expect your family to pay a lot more than $3,000.
Your stats are good enough to guarantee you significant merit-based aid at a number of places, and make you competitive for significant aid at others. Take a look at these lists for ideas. You might not need any cooperation from your parents at all if you don’t particularly care where you study. http://automaticfulltuition.yolasite.com/ http://competitivefulltuition.yolasite.com/
Did you include both your mom’s income and your dad’s pension as income?
Also, if your mom owns a business…it is highly possible that some of her business deductions allowed by the IRS for tax purposes…will be added back as income for financial aid purposes. The private colleges you have listed all use the CSS Profile in addition to the FAFSA…and the Profile takes a much deeper look at your finances than the FAFSA.
And as noted above…the net proce calculators are not particularly accurate for folks who are self employed or own a business.
Kind words may ease their anxiety.