<p>Would it help if I said that we have a near perfect son.
He even came home this weekend. :)</p>
<p>I agree that our kids seem to respect us more and are surprised when they find out that in their absence, we are doing things and making changes in our lives that WE want. As S has said, I have re-invented myself and am on a state and national stage in a way that I was not when the kids were younger and I preferred a much lower profile. It has been interesting for me to “reinvent myself,” as S has called it. I think the kids & my H & extended family are proud of me for contributing to the world the way I have. 
I know it makes me happy and helps me feel useful. 
Am pleased that it also provides speaking and travel opportunities, as well as income that helps pay tuition & other expenses. Has introduced me to lots of diffferent people as well.</p>
<p>D1 (now a senior in college), was very hard to live with the 6 months before she left for college. I thought it was just her, but then my cousin went through the exact same thing with her daughter. I think for my daughter, she doesn’t really deal well with change and having to make big decisions about college, leaving the HS boyfriend, etc… all led to her being very … difficult. She was so impossible to live with (she wasn’t doing anything naughty, just the eye rolling, arguing, etc…) I literally sang “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead”, when I pulled away from her college dorm, it was such a relief. When she returned from college on breaks she was much, much, much easier to live with. Pleasant even. Although, now that she is graduating in May, and applying to grad schools, I kind of see some of the same behaviors/attitudes returning, although not nearly as bad. I didn’t have this with my son.</p>
<p>Trust me, it’s not only daughters. </p>
<p>LongPrime, no luck finding a mate for him yet, huh? :)</p>
<p>One of mine was absolutely miserable to live with her entire senior year, I think I did an above average, but not outstanding, job avoiding provocations without being walked on. I wish I had been able to get inside her head better and provide better responses, but she was my first and she was tough to ‘get’ at that time. She did so many things that were subtly (or not so subtly) designed in a teenage way to irritate.</p>
<p>It was a relief when she left for school and she even left sooner than planned. The college thing did not go great, cc was in its infancy and she ended up at a financial safety which was just fine, but not a great fit. That was fraught with emotion and frustration as she refused to apply to schools we recommended.</p>
<p>I told friends who dealt with this later that you have to assume the kid is sad & mad & confused and you are safe, it is not really about you, it is about them and they are in pain of some sort. I tried to be glad I could be there for her.</p>
<p>It took a while for this kid to come back, she wanted so badly to do her thing, her way. She was not rude once she left, but she did communicate much, she was busy living life and did not do all the texting & emailing & back then only college kids were on FB. I was grateful for any and all communication. Christmas breaks meant hanging with her friends more than us.</p>
<p>Things have come full circle, she is a delight, she is mature, she is wonderful and we adore having her home any time she wants. Be patient and be safe without allowing abuse. It should get better, eventually.</p>
<p>There is a certain thing which happens between 16-22 where your Mom just bugs you like crazy because she is your Mom and familiarity breeds contempt. I can usually tell when my very existence bugs D3 still 
But she is not mean about it. I remember so well feeling that way myself, I try to simply avoid bugging her those times when she is cranky.</p>
<p>Ha! ‘Consolation’ I actually laughed out loud at that. </p>
<p>Sent from my iPod touch using CC</p>
<p>I have a good friend who says that G-d invented senior year in high school so we would be glad for them to leave!</p>
<p>(Again not just girls.)</p>
<p>^^^ I was going to say something similar to that. Also went through something like that with my D, though she started being difficult in junior year. I think we mutually looked forward to some kind of separation.</p>
<p>I told my Dds that I didn’t need the moods and snarkiness. I didn’t mind the silent treatment but didn’t deserve to be snapped at or treated rudely. </p>
<p>It is true that its seldom about us. It’s the reality of change, and we get the brunt of it, because they know we will love them regardless. But that didn’t stop me from saying things like, why don’t you go to the other room and when you can be civil we will talk. </p>
<p>A couple of times I would write wee notes. Or surprise them with something for college on their pillows, like shower shoes or door stop. Or suggest they come in and try a recipe together. </p>
<p>Biggest thing I learned was to just be, not ask questions, or nag , something really hard for me. But I did say that once a week, Sunday’s, we would talk about college, etc. </p>
<p>I also started each day fresh, and washed off whatever moodiness was there the day before, kind of overly cheerful</p>
<p>It does get better, and there is no harm now in saying honey dear daughter, stop with the attitude,</p>
<p>Some days my daughter was all chatty and shared everything. Other days I walked into the room and I could tell that even my breathing irritated her. I told myself, “This too shall pass,” but when she got TOO bad I called her on it. She usually improved.</p>
<p>It does get better. My daughter is now a sophomore in college 800 miles away. We text a lot, and she seems to like spending time with us when she’s home. I’ve learned that if I let go a little, she comes back more. Her freshman year in college she was still dating her hs BF, who was attending college near home. I missed her desperately, but when she came home for her fall break we let her to spend half her time with the BF and half with us. I hated giving up that time, but I’d rather have time with a happy D for 2 days than a miserable D for 4 days. Now she and the hs BF have broken up, and she’s dating a boy from college who lives 250 miles away. Although she was only home for 3 weeks at Christmas, I let her go to visit him & his family for a few days (since his Christmas present to her was tickets to a show she wanted to see near his home). She was much happier for the time she was with us, and she convinced him to come visit us for 2 days to make it “fair.” </p>
<p>Go ahead and start thinking of things to fill your life and cultivate your interests when she leaves. I invited a group of my S’s friends’ parents over for wine & dessert a few weeks after he left for college. We had such a good time we still get together every couple of months (the boys have all graduated from college now). I also changed from a part-time to a full-time job. H and I have traveled together. It’s an adjustment, but all-in-all it’s good.</p>
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<p>Just starting. I think you gotta find them (females) in the “Friends” stage, Ages 26-36. Too young they still got that attitude. And too old they get an attitude. 
, Atlantic, Nov 2100, “What, Me Marry?” by Kate Bolick.</p>
<p>Another survivor here. Moms of senior girls, this too shall pass! With 3 years of perspective now, I’ve had time to reflect on that tumultuous year, and here’s my take-away:</p>
<p>I understand now that my D’s head was a seething cauldron of intense, often conflicting, ideas and emotions. She was excited about her future, proud of her accomplishments, relishing being a senior, falling in love with a boy, and feeling very grownup and mature. At the very same time, she was scared about her future, uncertain that she could “cut it” at college, worried about where she’d be accepted, stressed with schoolwork and tests and college apps, dreading leaving all that was familiar, and chafing that she was still under her parents’ thumb. Add to that a crazy busy schedule and normal teenage hormones, and she was just a mess much of the time. Wayyy up one moment, and wayyy down the next.</p>
<p>My own head was filled with a lot of the same things – excitement/fear, pride/uncertainty, although I was (usually) more in control of myself than she was. I was also dealing with the conflict between heart and head, trying to find the line between clinging tight and letting go, often without success. I thought about what next year would be like, the quiet house, the slower schedule, the not being involved in the daily minutae of her life. And every week seemed to bring a poignant reminder that her time as my baby was drawing to an end, senior portraits, mailings from colleges, ordering grad invitations, Senior Ball, Senior Picnic, Senior Trip. And college, OMG. I felt like I was living inside the College Channel – “All College All The Time”. </p>
<p>So we have a crazy teenager and a couple of crazy parents, living in close quarters. Is it any wonder that things sometimes get a little… tense? :rolleyes: Ladies, it’s completely understandable. I’m amazed that we don’t all choose to sell our children during senior year – cheap!</p>
<p>If I had a do-over on senior year, I’d make myself scarcer and back off more. I wouldn’t give so much unasked-for help with things, or offer so many unsolicited comments and opinions. I would give her chances to just vent, without giving advice. I would go out on more “girl dates” with her, just for fun. I would look for reasons to laugh as often as I could. </p>
<p>Know that you have better days ahead! This business of fouling the nest stops once they’re out of the house. The psycho teenager that I lived with for a year has become a mature, interesting, considerate young woman. Hang in there!</p>
<p>To the OP - I am in the exact same position you are in… had to double check to make sure I didn’t start the thread myself. lol</p>
<p>It has been helpful to see others go through it as well and its not just me…</p>
<p>I read selections of the OP’s post to my daughter. She replied, “Did you write that?” Replied? I meant “snarled.”</p>
<p>Haha…I know that snarl! Lasma…I read your post to my husband and he asked if I wrote it. I love the way you describe what is going through both of our heads…very accurate </p>
<p>It is definitely helpful seeing that my D and I are not the only ones going through this!</p>
<p>Too much stress, then their gone and you want them back, then they come back and you want them gone again…</p>
<p>The best advice I got from a friend was a quote from her D who is older than mine. “I dont know how you could stand me I couldnt stand myself” People have referred to it as fowling the nest. My older d did it and my yonger is doing it to a lesser degree. it is hard to not take it personally when it is directed at you. Being female I think they are forming their own identiites separate from you. so they are a bit rejecting. i know this to shall pass, so I try to put it in perspective.</p>
<p>Our solution was setting a specific time to discuss college, the plans, applications, choices etc. Sunday evenings. We promised we wouldn’t but them or ask question s any other time unless it was a pressing matter, but we reserved the right to ask or chat about college Sunday evenings over dessert. It took the pressure off, they didn’t fell like every time they came into a room they would get pounced on for details, and we stopped obsessing. </p>
<p>The small gifts were appreciated and it took the edge off. </p>
<p>I did make a written list of things in would need specifics on so I could look for sales, etc, make shipping rrangments, and reservations</p>
<p>I also never asked their friends or their parents any college stuff. You could tell they were so sick of it and nervous and even if they knew where they were going, friends often didn’t.</p>
<p>But I was clear I didn’t deserve to be snapped at all the time and we needed to be pleasant to each other. Dishy always work, but I didn’t shy away from saying you need an additude adjustment.</p>
<p>Same thing here at our house a couple years ago. Teen daughter, formerly sunny and sweet and fun and talkative became dark and moody–but only around me.
One day I was at my wit’s end b/c she wouldn’t talk to me except for monosyllabic replies to direct questions. I said, “have I done something to make you mad?”
She sighed, deeply, and said, “Mom, I’m a teenager. It’s not about YOU.”</p>
<p>And I really think that summed it up. I tried not to take it personally, though I wouldn’t tolerate out-and-out disrepect. I just backed way off.</p>
<p>Things are fine now–once the college app process was done, it started getting better.</p>