Need advice -- parents don't get my choices

Colleges & Universities Service Academy Parents
21

<p>Electic Girl:</p>

<p>Couple of thoughts. Let me preface this by saying our son is a USMA cadet who is successfully enduring his plebe year (according to him you would have to be crazy to enjoy plebe year). Many of his friends and teachers were surprised at his choice of West Point given his “seemingly indifferent attitude to regimentation” during his high school years. He said the surprise changed to respect when he visited them during his Christmas leave.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>My understanding is that you don’t need your parents’ permission or help to apply to the academies. If you’re over 18 at the time of your appointment, their permission is not needed to attend. </p></li>
<li><p>That said, I am not trying to encourage conflict between you and your parents. Keep a dialogue going. Your parents may have legitimate reasons why they believe the academies are not the best place for you. Talk to other friends and adults (ideally someone familar with acadamies) and get their thoughts on how well suited they think you are for the academies. You don’t have to accept their consensous, but sometimes they have a better view of you than you may think.</p></li>
<li><p>Make sure your main reason for attending the academy is to become a military leader, not show your parents(or anyone else) that you’re a strong-willed, thoughtful, independent person. Almost all the cadets say you have to want to be at the academies for “the right reasons” or you won’t be willing to make the sacrifices necessary to make it through.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Good luck on your journey.</p>

22

<p>EG–the advice you have been given here is all good. It is hard to let kids go–especially if you happen to be the youngest or only. Give them some time to warm up to the idea. Keep them informed and involved in your college decision process. Maybe you can be an example to them of how to keep an open mind. Perhaps you could “trade” a visit to HYP for a visit to WP…Summer seminars are a great opportunity to visit…While WP & USNA are closer to you, don’t forget AFA…</p>

<p>Take your folks on a visit to all of them. They may find that they have “less objection” to one than another and that may open the door a bit.</p>

<p>Finally, if they don’t come around, remember that this may be another chance for you to exhibit the type of character you have. As an officer, you may have superiors who give you orders that you don’t like, either. While this decision may not be an “order”, how you deal with it may show both parents and admissions what you are made of. I think it used to be that if you had started at another college, you were at a disadvantage for academy admission. However, I think now they tend to think that if you are still wanting to attend an academy, it shows remarkable drive and perseverence, plus you have an added year of maturity to deal with academy life. So, do make application to other schools as well, but keep your goal in front of you. Good luck!</p>

23

<p>That was weird – the losing all the posts. Again, thank you for all your advice.</p>

24

<p>EG: Another suggestion. Why don’t you suggest to your parents that you all visit Ground Zero. I see you live in New England. Perhaps Ground Zero will put into context that, in today’s world and with today’s technologies, we are all at risk - even at home - unless we take the fight to the enemy. Or maybe a trip to the the WWII memorial in DC - I was there recently and it’s inspiring.</p>

25

<p>BigGreen,</p>

<p>If I recall correctly, didn’t you work at the WTC? Then again, I could be thinking about somebody else. </p>

<p>And I agree with you that EG and her parents may want to visit Ground Zero. I think the attack on 9/11 was the driver for so many of our kids to pursue service academies and military careers.</p>

26

<p>Yes, I did - for six years. I haven’t been able to bring myself to travel south of Houston Street yet. I get angry just thinking about 9.11. I lost 3 very good friends that day.</p>

27

<p>Just was reading through the discussion and thought I would reply as I can relate to your parents objections even though my reasons for my initial objection to my son’s goal to attend a military academy were slightly different. (And yes, I have liberal leanings.)</p>

<p>We do not come from a military background and I did not understand, at all, his desire to go to an academy or his desire to pursue a military career. I got extremely tired of people telling me it was a “free” education or looked good on a resume. Because he did not articulate his reasons, I concluded that he was pursuing acceptance because it was a challenge and had made a decision before he investigated all college options. He is interested in a long term military career and I just felt a military career was a poor fit for him for a variety of reasons. </p>

<p>After visiting other colleges and two academies, he was able to give me realistic pros and cons for attending an academy and I felt his decision was based on knowledge, maturity, and passion. </p>

<p>At that point it was easy to realize that this was his goal, not mine, and he had solid reasons for pursuing an academy acceptance. Even though I still have concerns, what parent doesn’t, I will support him 100%. After you really investigate all options, you might want to gently remind your parents that this is your goal, not their goal for you.</p>

28

<p>

</p>

<p>Sigh…</p>

<p>And there, dear friends, is the crux of the matter. You may try to deny it, but there it is. Interstingly enough, it is the THIRD thing up there that bothers me the most, the first two just indicate to me that they are unable to reason past their emotions. The third, however, reveals a much deeper and insidious characteristic known as ELITISM.</p>

<p>Eclectic, I’m going to be brutally honest with you, so hang on.</p>

<p>First, a great deal of advice you have received here is spot-on. Follow it. If you truly want to be a Midshipman or Cadet (I recommend Midshipman. :wink: ) then do all you have been told here to try and show them how mind-bogglingly stupid (oops, sorry) how terribly mistaken they are. </p>

<p>If it works, GREAT! If it doesn’t, then (and this is where you need to hold on) APPLY ANYWAY AND RAM IT DOWN THEIR THROATS.</p>

<p>I get absolutely FURIOUS at people who, either through ignorance or some benighted sense of superiority (sounds like your parents have both. Typical for liberals) try to DENY their ADULT children wonderful and rare opportunities. My ex-wife is like this. I dread the day my daughters grow up and ask me about USNA, because I’m going to give them the same advice.</p>

<p>Are you 18 yet? Doesn’t really matter, of course. The fact is, THEY CANNOT STOP YOU. If you want to go (and believe me, the record you listed above is as close to a shoe-in as you can get on paper), then APPLY, GET ACCEPTED, AND GO!</p>

<p>Again, if they come around, AWSOME! If not, SCREW THEM! We’re talking about YOUR life, and you are choosing a CHALLENGING, PRESTIGIOUS, and HONORABLE thing to do. If they can’t see it, then let them be stupid.</p>

<p>It will be difficult going it alone, but do it if you have to. Find your BGO (or the equivalent at Army) and LEAN on THEM. Come here for support and advice, and LIVE YOUR DREAM.</p>

<p>I’ll refrain from further comment so I can go calm down and not take the thread off track, but some of the regulars here already know what I think of people who “think” like your parents do. I’m not hear to insult them. I’m hear defending YOUR right to follow YOUR dreams in establishing YOUR life.</p>

<p>I wish you the very best. From what little I see here, you are to be highly admired and respected. FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!</p>

<p>I’ll be here if you need me.</p>

<ul>
<li>Z (USNA '91)</li>
</ul>

<p>ETA: Oh, and one quick thing. I (and others here) recognize full well that the Service Academies are not the remains of Eden. I, for one, will tell you the good and the bad (at least from a 15-years-ago perspective), and others here can tell it to you from the perspective of being there NOW. </p>

<p>You’re in for one hell of a ride. Hopefully your parents will shut the hell up and get on board before the rollercoaster leaves the station. Just be sure YOU’RE still on it when it ends 5 or so years from now! </p>

<p>Believe me, the high you get when you toss that cover on Graduation Day puts crack to shame! :D</p>

<p>You also might want to ask your parents that if they think serving in the military is “beneath you”, then why did they think John Kerry’s service (did you know he was in Vietnam?) was such a wonderful thing. :rolleyes:</p>

29

<p>Great Advice! (as usual, I might add). Hopefully we didn’t lose her already…</p>

30

<p>That would be a crying shame. :(</p>

31

<p>Hi folks,</p>

<p>Things are getting better. Had a great hockey season and parents are calming down. Still not thrilled, but I won’t have to litter the the yard with dead bodies, if that’s what I decided to do. I said I would look carefully weigh all my options. I’m thinking I may want to play hockey in college, we’ll see.</p>

<p>Thank you for your advice. I will keep you guys in the loop. You have been very helpful.</p>

32

<p>

</p>

<p>And that, young lady, is PRECISELY what you need to do. </p>

<p>If that results in a decision to attend a Service Academy or any other school, all that needs to happen is that YOU are happy with YOUR choice.</p>

<p>Best of luck!</p>

<ul>
<li>Z</li>
</ul>

<p>pssst… Pick USNA! ;)</p>

33

<p>You can do what my son did after a couple of weeks of the whole family and most friends telling him what a horrible idea it was and that we thought he was making a BIG mistake – he looked me right in the eye and said “I wish you would all shut up – I have finally decided what I want to do with my life and everyone is trying to talk me out of it. I’m tired of listening to you.” My response was “you are right, I’m sorry – let me know what I can do to support you through the process.” As parents, we tend to think we know what is best for our children, but it is THEIR lives, not ours. He’s starting at the USNA in June and can’t wait – and the whole family is behind him 100% (because it is what he wants.) Good luck – remember–you are the one who has to live your life.</p>

34

<p>

</p>

<p>Give that kid a CEE-gar! :D</p>