To the school counselor, not to my daughter…
It is approaching mid March. Instead of worrying about the admissions of remaining reaches, you and your daughter should better use the time to explore the 3 schools she has been admitted already. Learn about their housing, honors, and other programs and prioritize them with best fit and cost. Some housing application may start before the May 1 deadline and some residential and honors program may need additional application. Focus on these things to get you. Off from the reaches for now until you hear back from them.
I know what you mean about your kid working so hard and then achieving, so of course you think your kid has earned a spot at a top school. My expectations changed, though, when I realized that this is not necessarily a meritocracy. These top schools are trying to accomplish certain goals such as geographic diversity, first generation preferences, URM preferences, legacy preferences, development preferences (that’s the kids of the rich or famous), athletic preferences. Any time there is a preference, it’s inconsistent with a strict meritocracy. IMHO, I think the former second tier schools are hugely benefiting from all the top schools’ preferences because now some very top performers are getting shut out of the tippy top schools and going to the next tier down. If your D doesn’t get into any other schools, I think she will have plenty of classmates at Tulane, NEU and Michigan who are just as smart and motivated as she is, and I think grad schools and big employers are aware and see the value of these kids. So when people say these are great schools, they really are.
@melvin123 I think OP refers UM as University of Miami, not Michigan.
Well OP, speaking of demographics, at least your dd is not “Asian male”. From what I’ve read here, that’s the group least in demand in the ivy-level schools. Like a colleague of mine used to say “Could’ve been worse”!
The problem is that most of the applicants to these highly selective schools are perfectly qualified to get in. There are not nearly enough spots in those coveted 8 or 10 schools to accept every valedictorian in the country. It is inevitable that the vast majority of perfectly qualified kids are going to be rejected. Would people be happier if it were a lottery system? Put all the qualified candidates into a hat and pick randomly? I don’t think that would make it any better. Although the system has many issues, I don’t think the primary problem is that the schools’ admissions are broken. The problem is with us, the parents. If we push our kids to do what looks good on admissions instead of doing what truly moves them, then of course they are going to be crushed when they don’t get in. If we lead our kids to believe that if they just work hard enough then they can get one of these top spots, we are lying to them.
Your child has great stats but there are others out there with far “stronger” extra curriculars. There are kids who have published research and are nationally ranked athletes. There is a girl from our high school who started her own charity organization to help kids with cancer all over the country. I could go on and on. And you know what, not all of them are going to get in either. HOpefully, your daughter had a great time in high school. Hopefully, she did the extras that she loved and volunteered because it made her feel good and not just because it would get her something that almost no one gets.
I know I sound harsh, but there are so many miserable, stressed out, anxious and unhappy kids here and in my town. Its inevitable that they will feel pressure, but its up to us as parents not to add to it. You said you are nervous. How does your daughter feel? My advice to you is to be very, very careful not to add to her anxiety with your own. Your job is to help her feel proud of herself for all her wonderful achievements and to start getting excited about her choices. Help her stop worrying about what she can’t have, because most of the country’s top students can’t have it either.
@gallentjill, I commend you on your wonderful words of great wisdom. With great posts like that, CC is certainly clicking on all cylinders!
Being Asian male is radio active more than one sense. They have lot more stereotypes to overcome with nothing going for them. Heard from so many Asian boys with fantastic profiles with nasty surprises.
Great post, @gallentjill
I think people tend to VASTLY underestimate how many amazing stats kids there are in the applicant pool. And some of those universities listed take ~20% of their incoming class from abroad, so the competition is coming from all over the world. Penn is about 20% legacy and I would guess another 20% recruited athlete.
It’s just brutal for a small number of spots. Tens of thousands of kids who worked hard and did all the right things will end up disappointed. As gallentjill said, it’s our job to keep the anxiety level down.
D also accepted into (Tulane, Miami and Northeastern- honors with merit aid). Strong student applicants and academically top rated. Which is the most liberal? Which school has the most active and engaged international student groups? Are there campus gun carry laws, any support gun reform?
@Dubaidream Northeastern is probably the answer to all of you questions. In Boston, a very safe city, 19% international students, not big on guns- all though I doubt most schools are big on guns. They won’t let Chic-fil-A on campus because of it’s anti-gay stance.