I am so sorry that you are so frustrated. It is very hard to see your kid going through this. But we have no control over if they will be recruited or not.
We only have (some) control over where our kids apply. My DS is so focused on his number one choice where he is not currently being recruited but kept on the coach’s hook with comments like a slot might open up…(even though the coach couldn’t even take the time to meet with him during the OV, only the assistant coach, that he’d met before).
It is our job to steer our kids away from where they aren’t being offered slots and help them see positive things about where they are being recruited. There are a lot of top academically D3 schools that aren’t as competitive at swimming that could be a good fit.
If you think your son will have a great senior year and drop a lot of time, you could wait and not apply ED to anywhere. I know of a senior last year who had committed ED to a top D3 and then dropped a lot of time and was approached by the Ivies (to no avail as he had already committed) so it can happen.
Try not to take any of it personally or think about other recruits or what if scenarios as you will just drive yourself crazy. Congrats to your DS on all his accomplishments!