New college student says no to getting high and to drinking alcohol

<p>Thanks for the kindness. It helps!</p>

<p>Ha- while we are in misery mode- One more woe- He discovered before he left that indicates he has terrible teachers. The reviews were Godawful. He cannot drop add since they are all “closed”. Yeah! The circle of pain is 360 degress…ha ha! </p>

<p>BTW- I fel a little defensive about some of the posts-I was up late applying for a job and then I started to think about my kiddo and naturally it was upsetting. We are somewhat new to this area and the transition to the new High school was “eh” . I hope college will be much more than “eh”. These transitions are hard on moms…However- I am a firm believer in the power of positive thinking… And I am hoping for a good outcome—From all the tips it looks like I did the right things. I told him to do all the things everyone here suggested, even before you suggested these things.</p>


Well, don’t forget that it’s illegal for him to drink alcohol (if he’s under 21) and just being around it can get him in trouble. I don’t think suggesting to him to go to a party with alcohol is a good idea. </p>

<p>I know some posters may say ‘all kids drink in college’, which isn’t true, and that it’s no big deal. Keep in mind that there have also been a number of posters on CC wondering what to do now that they (student) or their kid was caught on campus either with alcohol or in the same room where others were drinking alcohol and have to go up before some disciplinary board.</p>

<p>If your S doesn’t drink then good for him, I certainly wouldn’t encourage illegal and potentially destructive behavior.</p>

<p>On the video games - yes, if he’s had problems with playing them to excess now’s a good time to break that habit.</p>

<p>Momof2012: I haven’t launched a kid into college yet, but my twins will be graduating high school this year, so we are almost there! Neither of them drink or do drugs (they are members of a youth group that works for prevention of abuse in teens). They are perfectly happy being that way. They have friends who drink and do drugs, they just don’t go to parties with them. It’s no big deal, it’s ok to stand tall. I’ve also tools them about the “soft drink in an empty beer can trick”. Oh, and just don’t inhale, lol</p>



<p>+1 </p>

<p>Plenty (not all) of people underage drink and are open about it, but if your son was caught by police or his RA (or any RA) in possession of alcohol or drugs, that would not be good to say the least.</p>



<p>College work could help break this :slight_smile: … though, of note, I believe at my school there is a club that organizes teams to play Starcraft and compete against each other. Go figure.</p>

<p>What I meant was that I would encourage him to hold a nonalcoholic liquid, as others suggested.</p>

<p>I want to know what the evacuation procedures are- that’s why I would call the RA. A hurricane might arrive.</p>

<p>Also- to clarify- he knows how to do laundry and he does it at home. Paying for the laundry was the question. He tried to use his student ID which we thought was loaded with some extra money…Aha- called housing andf we discovered that the student ID is still empty and it must be loaded with money before he swipes. We know one answer now…Yeah!!!</p>

<p>You sound like a lot more fun than in post one. Things will work out. D2 calls me all the time, usually to ask how the dog is. The dog is fine.
Chances are the RA’s won’t know much about hurricane- chances are you’d get an email from the school. If needed, maybe call the school. Good luck. We all go through these ups and downs. Really. :)</p>


Yup, all sorts of things might arrive–a hurricane, a freak snowstorm, an electrical outage. I think you have to assume the college knows what its doing. If its located in an area that is occasionally in the predicted path of hurricanes, they’ll have plans in place. There’s nothing to be gained by bothering the RA–chances are you’ll be told it’s all under control, and even if you are told more, what are you going to do with the information–second guess its adequacy, go fetch your kid home? During my D’s freshman year in Washington, DC the now infamous “snowpocalypse” hit the area. The school was shut down for days, a portion of a roof collapsed under the weight of the snow, most support staff couldn’t get near the place since public transportation wasn’t operating and streets were impassable for days, food options were severely limited. D nearly went stir crazy with no classes, little to do, and no way to leave campus, but everyone survived just fine, and calling the RA or anyone else would have been neither appreciated nor useful. In fact, the only time I’ve ever called an RA was when D reported that one of her suitemates was convinced she brought bedbugs back from a trip home, the housing people weren’t responding, and the girls seemed excessively blase about the whole thing. I had visions of bedbugs joining us for Thanksgiving. In retrospect, I think I should have stayed mum even then and let the girls work out their problem themselves. I know it’s hard, but it’s really in your son’s best interests to let him work out all his problems, social and logistical, himself, and fend off his calls with a pleasant “I’m confident you’ll get it all sorted out–gotta run.”</p>

<p>^^Yes, I well remember the DC Snowpocalypse!! Poor S3 was not pleased…he had forgotten his winter jacket (and hat and gloves in the pockets) at home, and even though I had already shipped it to him, he didn’t receive it until well after…I think it took the AU mail room weeks to dig out from a crush of mail and packages because it was not a priority in the emergency. He didn’t let the lack of a coat stop him and his buds from going out and playing in the snow though…there is a lovely picture of him in a girl’s lovely pink ruffled hat and gloves next to a huge snowman.</p>

<p>We visited DC a couple of weeks later and there were still huge piles of snow every where.</p>


If your S wants to know how to evacuate HE can inquire and he can inform you if you want. That’s the way it works now that he’s in college - the students are on the hook to figure things like this out for themselves - not the parents finding out and then telling the student. Ditto for the laundry and anything else on campus. The sooner he learns this the sooner he’ll fit in and be more self-sufficient.</p>

<p>I know you want to help and only have good intentions but this is part of the process - he needs to start taking care of business himself. Now’s a good time to start.</p>

<p>On top of the above, he can probably find out easier than you and he’ll learn the ropes about where to find info in the meantime.</p>

<p>Re roommate, maybe he has a gf or bf and is hanging there, has the roommate moved his stuff in?</p>

<p>As for the other new pals and gettng high, he can just say, eh, not my thing</p>

<p>He can go for a run, gt into clubs and there is a lot to do</p>

<p>As for booze, it’s around a college, it will be at parties, he can go, walk around with a soda, and have a great time. He doesn’t need to make a big deal either way about not drinking. </p>

<p>It wi</p>

<p>Be fine. Your son will be fine. He will find his group and once classes get into full swing, he will be good</p>

<p>Meantime go to library and log in to check emails accou t etc. This is his time tom figure all that out.</p>

<p>Breath, step back and don’t freak out. If you call ra you will make everyone nuts </p>

<p>Let go</p>

<p>I really feel for you, Momof12012 - your only child is off to college and you haven’t had any time to adjust to the fact that 24/7 parenting is no longer required of you. Reading these posts, it seems like the BEST thing that could happen is for your son to not call you for a couple of days, unless there is a dire emergency (like the hurricane really does touch down.) </p>

<p>It sounds like the both of you are still putting YOU in charge of his problems, and try as you may, you will never be able to find friends for him. It’s out of your hands. But the more he solves his own problems, the more confident he will be to get out there and connect with like-minded students. Plus, if you don’t hear from him for 3-4 days, you’ll be spared the details of little challenges or disappointments which he will have forgotten about by the time you talk. Less for you to be anxious about. It will be good for both of you!</p>

<p>My own DS freaks out about the drug/alcohol issue, and he is an atheist as well (though he isn’t above going to the Christian fellowship events for free food last week :slight_smile: )</p>

<p>Clubs will be the key, and I promise that will help. Intramurals would be a great thing for him, as well as hanging out in the rec center. Hopefully the RA or the student organizations will start hosting fun events. It is critical that he get out there.</p>

<p>It is hard not to want things to go well for our kids as they go off to college. If he his not a party kid, he’ll need to find other ways to socialize than going to frat parties (and even if he become a party kid, other outlets are important).</p>

<p>You can only suggest. One of my kids still spent more time alone than I thought was positive in college. He had a small group of close friends developed through a gaming club(D&D and magic), which really served as his social life. My second son is involved in tech work for theater groups and with the radio show. Other kids do sport, even at the rec or club level. </p>

<p>While roommates often become good friends, other times they just tolerate each other.</p>

<p>Hopefully, you will be getting fewer phone calls, but with news of more fun times.</p>

<p>Yikes- OMG- LOL- some of the posts seem hyper caffeinated here. Thanks to the folks who replied where you simply understand that I am a reasonable person who is not smothering or babying my guy…In fact I am relishing him being on his own. I was
looking forward to it! So was he! I am hoping that the roommate thing gets better and that the mystery is solved . Honestly my post was meant to be a complaint about the potheads, mid day drinkers, frat party crowd. It was venting, and it is surprising how our society encourages this. Anyway- best of luck to all you parents!</p>

<p>MizzBee – My daughter’s experience has been that the offer of free food is a powerful interfaith attraction! She, a Christian, has already eaten free food provided by Jewish, Muslim, and Hare Krishna groups. Likewise, some of them have shown up at Christian groups’ free meals. Food unites us all.</p>

<p>Which brings me to second the food suggestions above. Popping popcorn or baking or bringing in some very aromatic cookies is usually a good way to meet people.</p>



<p>All Macs made in the last half-dozen years can run Windows (which you would first need to install, of course. Google “Mac bootcamp” for details.</p>

<p>You were all correct in that saying “NO” to getting high and drinking would eventually be okay for my son. He has met kids who are not like that, what relief!</p>

<p>Interestingly enough- the roommate moved his stuff in on a a Saturday but then did not return until dinner time of the following Saturday, two nights before classes started. He was AWOL for almost a week and during that time he did not reply to our son’s questions: “Where are you?” that were sent via Facebook (he did not give my son his cell phone.) We thought he might show up at any time, even in the middle of the night, since we had no idea where he was. We never did find out where he was. </p>

<p>We were in contact quite frequently with our son and we helped him with lots of issues. I am glad I pushed him to socialize and leave the room and go to events by himself… When he had no roommate, he was forced to establish other friendships. He is a quiet kid and we are pretty proud of his progress. Call me a helicopter mom- (mea culpa!)- but the initial hovering really helped.</p>