<p>Thanks for all the input. I remind the grad that the position would not be available if the boss was not toxic. The grad was told that the last person was let go after screaming at the toxic boss to leave me the f*** alone.</p>
<p>The resumes need to go out that is clear.</p>
<p>Lucky grad to have a parent s/he can confer with about this. I had a toxic boss out of the box but didn’t realize it - thought it was me. Had an ok boss next but not great. Left that field thinking it just was not for me. A few years later DH encountered boss #1 and it was so bad that looking in from outside I realized, hey, it never was about me at all. Wish I had been able to talk to someone like my folks about it but they didn’t care about my work, only about my getting married and having kids and keeping house. /sigh. So important to be able to separate sense of self from a toxic boss/work environment.</p>
<p>That’s the hard part. Especially when you’re young and inexperienced, and it’s a job that’s early in your career, you assume that all bosses are like that, or all work environments are like that, or you’re a particularly bad worker and they must be right. It never occurs to you that they’re crazy and you’re normal.</p>
<p>One of my first bosses told me he invented the microwave oven and color television but RCA stole the ideas from him. He was immoral, lazy and had every other terrible flaw you could have.</p>
<p>I’ve been there. The reason I was offered the job was that everyone knew the boss was crazy-not qualified and terrified of taking the blame for a mistake. Remember it’s not you, it’s the job. Keep the resume updated. If it’s a large company, keep reading the job postings. Stay positive and try to develop as many contacts as possible outside your immediate circle even if it means volunteering to be the safety coordinator or United Way representative. I’m glad that I stuck with it for the salary and benefits. The next bosses were great and even the marginal bosses respected me.</p>
<p>A little different spin (but I do agree with the suggestions thus far). My son worked for a nutcase for 2 years during college. She was at the top of her field but a very toxic person who couldn’t keep employees. For some reason, he could handle her, earned her respect and was very successful. He got experience that he should not have gotten without a professional degree. She offered him a very large amount of money to keep working for her after he graduated, but he chose to accept a position in a different city. The person who was to replace him lasted one day and never returned. Look at it as a challenge, don’t take it personally, and send out those resumes!</p>
<p>just adding to already great advice.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>keep a log. network within company</p></li>
<li><p>vent to your parents, then try that again, pretending you are a comic talking about the crazy, bad boss.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>i never had a truly awful, denigrating manager until i was in my 50’s. i began applying for other jobs. I went to the gym every day after work. Manager always had to have a scapegoat. She made a big production out of firing people. One youngish gal, recent PsyD, began the job with high spirits. After 6 months, she gave notice. She later told me that she was so depressed that her parents were worried. They told her to just leave, they would support her until she found something better. </p>
<p>I think in my 50’s I could cope, but the younger workers start to have a dread of the workplace. Another grad found his job was not what he had been told to expect. He’d start feeling sick Sunday nights, sometimes vomit before work. Again, I do not think any job is worth that stress. </p>
<p>by the way, when I became the target of the bullying, I wrote a long letter about bullying in the workplace. A lawyer reviewed my letter and did a great job of editing it. whenever something inappropriate was said, I responded with a typed note. When I requested vacation time (e.g. Yom Kippur), I had the note signed. The first year, I had not been allowed to skip a day for a Jewish holiday, but I learned that was illegal, especially as I had to cover all other religious holidays. I would never want a 22 y.o. to work for that manager.</p>
<p>My first toxic boss was an alcoholic and was terribly threatened by me. She attacked my work, my clothes, and my behavior (which was completely appropriate). She yelled at me that “No one walks around here dressed like you do!” I told her I couldn’t work there anymore. “Fine,” she yelled. Little did I know that had been her plan all along.</p>
<p>Then there was the boss who was absent 40% of the time. She had a phobia about coming through one of the tunnels under the Hudson River. She wound up going out on a disability due to mental illness.</p>
<p>Then there was the CEO of my Fortune 500 company who announced in a meeting that “VeryHappy is our honey!” – and who, when I asked him what he meant by that, told me I was too sensitive.</p>
<p>I could go on. I’ve had many many many toxic bosses.</p>
<p>I’ll pose a similar question–what do you do about a toxic work environment? (especially one in which you spend >8 hrs/day without cell phone/outside internet/windows)</p>
<p>(I mention the cell phone/internet/windows comment because this is baffling to nearly everyone I know)</p>
<p>soccergurl, I suspect the answer is much the same, keep updating your resume and look elsewhere. Perhaps if you leave, the manager that did his work by flashlight could take your place!</p>
<p>I have been fortunate that I haven’t had toxic bosses, but have dealt with toxic work environments at different times (shifting bosses/management structure, etc). At my prior job (a long term one), the tech area I was in shifted to be under this kind of management type that you don’t want to work for, spouted all this new age management mumbo jumbo (empowering people, making them ‘buy in’ to the culture, all the Dilbert buzzword bingo) meanwhile it was the kind of structure full of sycophants who were useless, and where all decisions, no matter how small, had to be decided by the uber leader…the way you deal with it is you do you job and try to ignore the rest, and if it is that bad, get your resume together and start looking, or if you otherwise like the company, maybe find another department and do a lateral. </p>
<p>If others are in the same boat, then get together outside work and vent, tell stories, and blow off steam about the stupidity, venting and griping really helps. Try to laugh at the stupidity and as long as you are not personally threatened, ignore it as much as possible. </p>
<p>It drives nuts when i hear things like “the last 7 people quit” who worked for x, it just goes to show you all those people who claim that the government is stupid and business knows best must never have worked for the companies I have, because in a good company that boss would be fired or moved someplace he couldn’t do damage. Unfortunately, chances are Boss X has someone who is his rabbi, and that is why he doesn’t get canned, it takes someone who is really over the top, for example,to get HR involved, because they don’t care how good a manager is most of the time, they just care about lawsuits (don’t get me started on HR departments , have yet to find one worth its weight in spoiled spam). </p>
<p>In the end, what you do with an environment like that is take what you can out of it, gain experience, and use that to springboard to a better job…you might be able to get a measure of satisfaction out of an exit interview, but quite frankly, I usually decline to do those, because they are useless. Also know if you survive a toxic boss, it is likely that if you interview with one at a new job, you will know (the hair on the back of your neck will go up) and b)that you will be able to survive anything. It is kind of like my S’s violin teacher, after he is done with them, he can handle anything:)</p>