@JenJenJenJen I suggest you and your D17 look at the on-line student newspapers for the schools you are interested in. Go back through the archived issues for the 2015/2016 school year and look at the stories covered, including the comments to the stories. I think that will give you a good flavor for the campus climate.
My D is at a LAC (not Oberlin). I asked her how much these issues affect her day to day life. She drew a distinction between inside the classroom and outside the classroom. She said that so far she has not encountered these issues in the classroom, and her classes have included science, math, foreign language, history, politics and economics. It may be different in sociology, gender studies or ethnic studies classes but she has not yet taken those.
Outside the classroom SJW activities will affect you “as much as you let them.” She pointed out that the student body at her school is 52% domestic students of color and the campus has a profusion of affinity groups that are very active and also supported by the administration. So everywhere you go on campus: dorms, classroom buildings, dining halls, etc., you encounter posters, flyers and people speaking about issues (grievances) from an identity politics perspective. Plus students receive a barrage of emails constantly cautioning them against offending anyone and reminding them of the campus resources in case they are traumatized by something. You can just choose to walk on by and no “screaming bullies” will chase after you. If anything, it’s students of color who are more likely to be called out for not joining in the protests. To the extent she’s disappointed by the campus culture, it has to do with the stifling of debate and a respectful exchange of opinions, for the reasons I outlined in my post #15 above.