<p>saintfan: I didn’t mean to be dismissive. Please forgive me. Your friend is awesome, and I hope little Aurora makes it in life. What an interesting name. It was the “real” name of George Sands.</p>
<p>I just feel very passionate about the topic, so I didn’t just pass the article up and say nothing. Maybe I should have.</p>
<p>I would be proud to have such a friend, too.</p>
<p>I want to say that writing the first post made me cry, because it can be so hard, but what else are you gonna do?
However reading the subsequent posts made me cry too, but with a smile on my face, because it means so much to have positive feedback from people who know what imtalking about!
Thanks for all the warm wishes.
:)</p>
<p>Emeraldkty4, I was going to send you a private message with more personal information than I really want to post in public, but CC says your inbox is full.</p>
<p>So, here’s the gist of it.</p>
<p>I get you. I have a chronically ill teenager who often looks just fine. But I believe that despite all the well-meaning clucking and tsking from grandparents and acquaintances and even older siblings, my wife and I know this kid’s needs, limitations and capabilities better than anyone else. We may not always be exactly right, but we’re not coddling, either.</p>
<p>Bon courage to all of you.</p>
<p>EK, I haven’t walked in your shoes, but I do know this: She’s incredibly blessed to have you. Happy B-Day to her.</p>
<p>“They are kind, funny, beautiful, determined, creative and smart.”</p>
<p>Well, I thought I had it all figured out, setting up arranged marriages for my sons with poetgrl and samurailandshark’s girls. But yours sound like serious contenders, and I am local, so…maybe? You have me captivated with the kind, funny and smart.</p>
<p>Bus driver, even if oldest wasn’t living with a serious boyfriend,I have to have full disclosure.
I’m sure your boys are charming, handsome, courageous and kind, but both of my girls have declared no grandchildren should be expected in the immediate or distant future.
( Which is a shame, because I have lots of grandma ideas ;). * however, things can change, five years ago I thought oldest was mostly lesbian, but she has been dating her BF for almost five years and living with him for one*)
Additionally, she is getting her MiT and has been doing full time student teaching for the past two years so she may get enough children energy at work. She had the two primary classes sing Happy Birthday to her sister yesterday. cute! I am so happy that even though they are eight years apart, that they have a good relationship 
</p>
<p>But youngest is only 22, and unattached, and even though she says she doesn’t want kids, I think at this stage of her life, with all she has going on, that is just fine.</p>
<p>Sikorsky & EK4 & others on this thread, you are my heroes/heroines. You really GET the invisible hardships and disabilities our kids have to overcome. Our S has done it with his amazing intellect and choosing a field that suits his strengths well. Our D is still working on it and slowly learning how to ask for help so that she doesn’t get quite so overwhelmed by taking on just too much so often, in addition to her invisible health conditions which constantly sap her stamina.</p>
<p>While these conditions are not blessings in the traditional sense, they have defined all of us to varying degrees. They have made all of us re-examine how to allocate our stamina and time, our priorities, and our relationships with one another and other loved ones in our lives. They have made our kids emotionally wise far beyond their years. </p>
<p>We are hoping D will be able to finish all the requirements of her degree by the end of the 2012-2013 academic year by taking a lighter load than she has permitted herself to date. It is not easy – parenting or being the child with these invisible special issues to deal with.</p>
<p>Happy Birthday to EK4’s D & EK4! Congrats to all who have hung in there with their loved ones who have had invisible (or visible) challenges that have made success more challenging and hard-fought.</p>
<p>Both my kids are both bright and quirky. We’ve been extraordinarily lucky that they mostly done very well. Though we struggled with how much in the way to get in the way of accommodations with S2. Like mythmom’s son, he is experiencing the “probably not best choice of a major” right now. It would have been fine at a different school, just not Tufts, because of their particular set of requirements. </p>
<p>EK what a lovely tribute. I’ve always enjoyed your point of view on the many, many posts from you I have read over the years.</p>
<p>Nice post EK.</p>
<p>Why would your friends be appalled? To persevere when faced with adversity is an admirable trait. When someone gets knocked down, gets up, and keeps going it is nothing but good.</p>
<p>Sounds like you have a couple of great kids.</p>
<p>iTA HImom
(except, it isn’t my BD yet, although my H likes to say how old I will be this year, even though my birthday isn’t until OCTOBER!)
It was younger D’s birthday, on the 24th & her sister’s on the 25th.
With their dads birthday also this month, and last month was house taxes, next month all the annual insurance premiums are due, plus graduation, it makes for a spendy spring.</p>
<p>So I won’t be taking gourmet moms advice and picking up a frock for the graduation at Neiman-Marcus. ;)</p>
<p>Well, as a prior poster pointed out, mothers should really be celebrated for birthdays, as they are the key player in making such events even possible. 
Yep, we have had an expensive spring as well–graduations, travel to & from such events, critically ill family member and travel to & from the event and subsequent memorial service as well as other work-related travel that isn’t fully subsidized.</p>
<p>true, HImom! My mom always calls me on my kids’ birthdays to with me “Happy Labor Day”</p>
<p>EK4- I appreciate your thoughtful post, full of devotion to your daughters and helping them access their “best selves”. Any judgement appears to be insecurity or ignorance. Parenthood is the most humbling and broadening aspect of my life. Seeing loved ones navigate adversity or challenges of whatever type brings a lot of empathy around here. </p>
<p>Swim lessons were the only required EC when my children were young and one kid was not comfortable in the water. Just took the lowest key lessons possible and didn’t care how many sessions it took to move through to enough competency for safety. We have the same perspective about college and everything else. Do what works, keep an open mind and in true CC fashion, “love the child on the couch” while disregarding the rudeness of those who clearly “don’t get it”. Thinking outside the box is skill some don’t have…perhaps because they never needed to do so. Oh yeah, and re-charge your batteries because there will be days…</p>
<p>EK: Thank you.</p>
<p>This is a lovely thread. Each post is so supportive of all our kids. One thing is guaranteed: everyone will face some kind of limitation or adversity. It saddens me to think some people judge and turn away instead of empathizing and providing support.</p>
<p>But it was always thus.</p>
<p>Hugs to all moms and kids.</p>
<p>And dads. I just thought of ADad and other dads too.</p>
<p>O swimming.
Oldest had a lovely time at swim lessons. She and her best friend started at the local public pool when they were threeish.</p>
<p>I tried that twice with youngest. Got up early & stood in line to register her on the first day. ( the only way new students got in)
When it came time for lessons, she wouldn’t go.
So we skipped it that year and tried the next.
No go that year either.
So I registered her for individual swim lessons at a private pool, that had about 15 min lessons, and they got to play in the water for an hour or so after. That worked much better the private pool wasnt so big and noisy, plus the water was warmer.
She did that till she was about six and then she took lessons with her class at school. Even though my oldest learned earlier and more easily, the youngest was the one on swim team in high school & offered a job as a life guard in Goa. ( India)</p>
<p>But at least they are both good swimmers.
My parents were both afraid of the water, so I was too even though I took lessons.
I started river rafting to get over my fear, which helped, but I am still not a great swimmer. Plus so bloody nearsighted that I can’t tell up from down.</p>
<p>Even though I could see one hundred things I was doing wrong, my mom, used to always tell me what a great mom I was. It would irritate me, because I felt what she was “really” saying, was that “her” parenting, must not have been that bad, if I was doing OK. I was pretty hard on her unfortunately, but at least I didn’t say anything, I just smiled and said thank you.</p>
<p>Maybe that is why I hope my girls have kids one day. So they can see it isn’t as easy as it looks!!! :)</p>
<p>I spoke to oldest yesterday for her 30th. I felt bad cause she had a 4 day weekend, but she had to use it to write end of year reports for her kids.
Her BF is getting a grad degree in environmental engineering and he always seems like he has a ton of work too.</p>
<p>It is weird not being there for your children’s birthdays, especially when their births are seared into your brain. I was in labor for three days with youngest, so I was pretty wiped by the time she was finally born, but since the oldest stayed in the hospital for 8 weeks, the surroundings and the rituals, like scrubbing my hands with betadine, and the smell of it will stay with me forever.</p>
<p>When she finally was released to go home, in July, we had to bring the carseat up to the NICU, so they could show us how to roll up receiving blankets and secure her. ( she didn’t weigh 4 lbs). It was one of those huge birth to 4yrs old Strolee plastic w a metal frame carseats. I don’t know why we didn’t get an infant carseat, it would have been easier and safer. I insisted on carrying her and the carseat all the way out to our parked car, even though because they were doing construction work in the hospital, we had to walk through a maze to get out. She was MY baby and nobody, not even her dad was going to get to take her.
( then I discovered that since the night time nurses played more with the babies, that was when she was awake.)
Sometimes I wish I had more kids, but at the time- it was really all I could do.</p>