@OneWhoTalks - Do your parents do this to you? Does it bother you? If so, why? You have another thread asking if parents think kids are an extension of themselves. Its normal for kids to want autonomy and individuation. Its also normal for parents do help guide their children and be proud of their accomplishments.
I don’t blast my kids’ accomplishments on social media, but I do share info with friends and love to hear when friends kids are doing well too. There is nothing wrong with being proud of our kids and their accomplishments, IMO.
Plus, I am careful and consider to whom I am speaking when I talk about my kids. If I know that one of my friends’ kids is having trouble, and I am asked how mine are doing, I don’t go into great detail. I give the basics and say thanks for asking. I have a friend whose kid is also going to medical school, then I am likely to go into more detail, since I know I won’t be offending that person or seen as bragging.
Exactly what @TatinG said - it all depends on who I’m talking to. I would gush about my son to close relatives, but generally not to everybody I know, especially if I know their kids are not doing as well (and most don’t )
I feel sorry for the parent who constantly brags about their kid, especially when it’s misplaced. For example, “so proud of son who just made varsity as a freshman” though we know all freshman made varsity because there weren’t enough players to fill the team roster without them. Or my favorite is the parent who wishes their awesome, special, sensitive, kind, etc, kid a happy birthday, yet their kid is a complete d-bag and the farthest thing from sensitive, kind, etc.
I always tried to avoid bragging because other people could be uncomfortable with it, especially if one of my kids had been very fortunate (which happened occasionally).
I had lots of fun talking with other parents about their kids’ after-high-school plans during my son’s senior year because he was planning to attend our flagship state university, and that’s ordinary enough (and cheap enough) that I could talk about it easily (and happily – it was his first-choice school and he was pleased to be going there).
The year when my daughter was a senior and she was accepted to a pricey and selective private college ED, I mostly kept my mouth shut. In fact, I would do things like duck into the pet food aisle at the supermarket to avoid encounters with people I knew (and then feel stupid because I have no pets).
@MWolf - “I admit - I do, but I’m Jewish and if you’re not kvelling about your kids, your grand-kids, your nieces and nephews, your grand-nieces and nephews, etc, can you even be called Jewish?”
As an Asian-American, I often marvel at some of the similarities that exist between the Jewish and the Asian culture. Have you read or seen the movie version of Amy Tan’s “The Joy Luck Club” where the favorite pastime among the Chinese mothers is to brag and, to borrow the Yiddish term, kvell about their children’s accomplishments? The charming movie, “Crossing Delancey” also comes to mind when it comes to cultural similarities in “match-making.” Bernard Malamud’s short story, “The Magic Barrel,” introduces one to the wild world of Jewish matchmakers that Asians can also relate to.
I think poorly of the person who constantly denigrates her kids. I know a person like that. The kid is always screwing up, will never grow up, doesn’t have a stable career, etc. etc. I think she wants me to feel sorry for her but if this is how she talks to a friend, what does she say to the kids.
My parents bragged about me all the time to family, friends, neighbors & I hated it (I can’t indicate how strongly I hated it). It was embarassing. I also felt like they were my accomplishments, not theirs, so it was up to me to decide who, if anyone, I revealed them to.
Have I never bragged about my kids? No, but it’s usually in the context of someone else talking about what their kids are doing/accomplishing and replying in kind about mine. I don’t gush or bring them up first (and it’s not done to one up). I’m not on social media, so that doesn’t come into play.
@TiggerDad I have also noticed the similarities. My sister-in-law is Korean and we’ve done many comparisons there. We have also done the comparisons with many of our Chinese friends, and have come up with the similarities you write about.
@SouthernHope “I have a distribution list called “Everyone but D” and that way she never knows.” I love it! :))
“I admit - I do, but I’m Jewish and if you’re not kvelling about your kids, your grand-kids, your nieces and nephews, your grand-nieces and nephews, etc, can you even be called Jewish? I care about what’s happening with my friends and my family, I want to hear about what great things are happening to them and to their kids, and they feel the same way.”
Hmmm. I’m a MOT ( member of the tribe aka Jewish for the unaware) but belong to the superstitious part of the tribe. So no. I try not to except about things that don’t matter much…great cook, good with her nails etc…
@maya54 That’s why you ALWAYS add “Kayn Ayin Hora”, or “Bli Ayin Hara” if you’re from a non Yiddish speaking culture. Spitting three times is also effective.
Used to love bragging about my kids to my dad, but he’s no longer around. I still do from time to time and can only hope he’s listening and kvelling along with me.
I agree there is a difference between stating facts and bragging. Like I’ll post on social media my kid at an honors recital for instance. Or my kid in a theater production that a few hundred youth auditioned for. That’s just us living our life and kid being himself. He isn’t even a competitive kid. He’s just a musical kid. And he had had plenty of failures, fallings, and rejections too. But I use social media as a high lights reel. Not somewhere to express every up and down we have at our house.
But it turns out some people perceive that information as bragging. My kids are not ok with droning on and true bragging. I can only share a fairly limited amount about them and only with permission.
I guess it depends on what you mean by brag. I certainly don’t say something in an overly bragging way, but if posting something positive is bragging then I guess I’m guilty. I want to hear all about what my friends’ kids are doing and don’t consider their accomplishments bragging in the least. I want to know that their kid is spending the summer at some awesome orchestral thing, etc.
One thing I have done is to quit tagging my kids in the posts, however. One son has done the thing where he has to approve something on his timeline so he could prevent his friends seeing that post if somehow I forgot, but the other kid will sometimes ask me to tag him on something! lol You just never know.
Thing is, for several reasons over decades, I’ve been on the receiving end of so many parental brags. And I knew the rest of the story, the real truth even the mom didn’t. A parent would brag, but the kid had told me different. And through hs, both daughters were TMI about their friends, who was doing what. It made me cautious.
If asked how mine are doing, I mention D1 has a job in x industry, not her big promotion. Might mention she just got engaged, not about the ring. Or that D2 is doing y, lives in z location.
I recently saw these braggers, or anyone who quickly turns the convo entirely to themselves and their families, labeled “conversational narcissists.” Scary, eh? It fits.
I do talk about my kids to friends and colleagues, but I try to be sensitive about it. Sensitive to my kids’ privacy (although there is practically no chance that anyone I talk to who is not a friend close enough to really know my kids would ever run into them or anyone they knew), and sensitive to the feelings of the people with whom I am talking.
I probably disclose more than my kids would like. My sense of personal privacy is very underdeveloped; it takes considerable intellectual effort for me to remember to keep some things private. But I try not to go too far.
As for other people, I try very hard not to be in the position of implying in any way “my kids are better than yours.” It’s hard to avoid that altogether. My kids are both employed in meaningful jobs, and they are both recently married to partners who seem good for them. I know plenty of people who would be thrilled if either thing happened to any one of their kids. My cup definitely runneth over, and has for a while.
Honestly, I don’t consider my kid’s accomplishments all that worthy enough to brag about. Sure, my kid studied somewhat hard in high school and focused and got creative with his ECs, and was lucky enough to get admitted to Stanford REA and other schools with merits, but I personally don’t consider these events as brag worthy because I know for fact there were many kids with higher GPAs, very talented in other areas and better athletes. I am just satisfied that my kid is happy at school and enjoying himself while being challenged. If after graduation, he gets a great job or or becomes an Ambassador to China, I might brag about it a little. If he somehow contributes to curing a cancer, then I will really brag about it. But by that time, I might be dead anyway. lol
I guess I indirectly do somewhat brag by wearing Stanford shirt, but I figure why shouldn’t I wear my kid’s college t-shirt when I am a full pay? Not that THAT gives me any special entitlement.
Other parents we know and we are more or less “relieved” rather than brag about things because we are all too aware that failures or bad things can follow, just like that.
I heard that some graduate student at Stanford “died” (I am guessing suicide) recently, and it just makes me feel very sad that a kid who is at one of the best and hardest to get into graduate schools felt unhappy enough to commit suicide.
Besides, the only person to whom I could unashamedly brag about my kid was my mom, but she passed away several years ago, so I really have no one to brag about anything, except to certain extent, my wife. With other people, you always have to try to be sensitive to things.
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