Looks used to be way up there on my list, oldfort. I had not looked for someone smarter than me for most of my relevant dating years. Many of them were better looking than me though.
Oldfort, I put hair so that is shallow too. But I never went out with a heavy guy either. Just not my type. I forgot to put no smoking is a deal breaker. Not on drugs of any kind, I mean the illegal type.
Someone who will pay for housework is HOT!
=P~
I do have physical preferences but none that are non-negotiable (per the title of the thread). I think it’s because I’ve watched illnesses and accidents severely disfigure many of my loved ones that I’ve learned not to put too much stock into physical appearance.
That’s not to say I’m not “shallow” or whatever… I am about many things but physical appearance just isn’t very high up on my list. The fact that I got everything I wanted with a tall, skinny, redhead with absolutely no balding anywhere in his family (my 3 top preferences) is just a bonus. In a perfect world, he would have blue eyes too but that’s just me being picky 
I’m single and haven’t really started dating since the divorce, but in response to Oldfort’s question, I honestly prefer average looking guys to extremely good looking ones. This is a terribly shallow thing to admit but I think I prefer being the better-looking one in the relationship.
My list would include smart, financially secure, interested in ideas, not cynical, not sexist, hopefully interested in culture. Kind. Not threatened by smart, accomplished women. As far as appearance, I’d say “reasonably well-groomed.”
@oldfort, I went through a divorce, and had some similar discussions with people. It’s sort of like window shopping… You are not going to try on a suit if you think it’s ugly in the window. If you have time to get to know someone before dating, for most of us looks and weight may matter less, but for people you are just meeting, that’s all you have to start with. BTW, good luck with dating.
Speaking of shallow, when I was younger, I probably would not have dated someone shorter than me. My current husband is a couple of inches shorter than I am.
@1214mom - wait, you mean sane people actually get married again after divorce? 
Someone who lets me be me.
Yea, smoking and drugs are nonnegotiable for me, even MJ (where its legal). The smell literally sets off my allergies. Someone addicted to gambling and spending lots of money in ways I consider wasteful would be a dealbreaker.
I dated one heavy guy, two men lighter than me and the rest a bit heavier and taller than me. I guess I’m not romantically attracted to men that are significantly under or over weight.
I’m also not fond of facial hair. I find it awkward and scratchy when kissing. It’s not a dealbreaker tho, as I have dated men with beards and moustaches.
Kindness, humor, honesty, intelligence and commitment are important to me. Its nice when they can fix a wide range of things too and are great at cleaning. 
@oldfort, I actually did put physically appearance as an important attribute for a relationship on page 1: “Attractive, smart, healthy, and honest.”
I had a very good looking uncle and he was a player so I was not looking for really good looking. Nice looking is better. My brother when he was young he was considered very good looking, but he was very picky, he served as a very good example that good looks can be deceiving. Had I married somebody like him there would have been divorce.
I will admit to being shallow, I insisted my husband stay in shape, and he is hot! He puts men half his age to shame. Other than that, cheating is non negotiable, and likes to have fun and laugh.
Not anyone who puts you on an unrealistic pedestal or who agrees with you on everything. There has to be a challenge somewhere. If someone can finish all your sentences or likes every song / food / book, work of art you do, life gets boring and predictable…that can spell trouble
@oldfort, I am happy to report I am remarried and doing fine. I was divorced fairly young (mid-thirties with two young kids). I met my current husband less than a year after separating from husband, and we have been married close to 15 years.
Smarts are more important than looks. Looks can be altered. A brain can’t be transplanted.
I think our attitudes change as we get older/wiser.
Deal breakers:
Unwillingness to move away from family
Jealous
Unkind
Selfish, self centered
Unable to edit this ginormous gap, sorry.
I’m never going to be a vegetarian so anyone who was a vegetarian would be difficult to eat with. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who smokes weed or does illegal drugs either but I don’t mind alcohol or cigarettes. One that I’m going to say I’m pretty sure is important to everyone here but no one mentioned is English fluency.
Why?
Because most people would like to be able to easily communicate with who they are dating or are married to, myself included.