<p>I didn’t mean to twist anything…however, it is somewhat a parallel point. I’m sorry if I offended you, OP, or anyone else in the thread.</p>
<p>Thank you, HISGRACEFILLSME for the apology. I am one of those persons who cringe when I see AA topics, (they usually turn ugly, and it makes me feel ugly). It was very refreshing to read a post that did not even touch on it, and yet said so much.</p>
<p>I share your views as well. Thanks for creating this thread, OP.</p>
<p>Maybe I shouldn’t have brought up “A Hope in the Unseen” - it is about a young black man, but one who overcame extreme disadvantages. The author, Ron Suskind, shadowed him for about two years of HS and two of college. It is heartbreaking to compare the life this young man led to the life my husband and I are able to give our sons; my older son felt the same way. The person who told me about the book has a daughter who read it the year she was applying to college, and her reaction was to resent the young man because he had been admitted to Brown, her first choice, and she had not. She felt that this was unfair, because her SAT scores were higher. Mind you, she is the daughter of two doctors who has had every advantage, including a wonderful prep school. If one of my children had her attitude, I’d feel that I’d failed as a parent.</p>
<p>All the positive responses are extremely gratifying. It’s great to know that there are others who don’t look at this as some kind of competition that their kids should “win”, no matter what.</p>
<p>As a society, we are all going to be way better off if our systems help people improve their lives. Lots of people have no idea what some of our kids face, and the obstacles they overcome just to graduate high school. If the college admissions process is trying to see this as part of the picture, I’m all for it.</p>
<p>Many of us have advocated for our kids since birth. They played with the right toys, went to the right preschools. We were room moms and den leaders and all of that. And we knew how the system worked. I have had kids who were stuck in the wrong classes, and I knew it. The answer from guidance was often that it couldn’t be changed. I’d tell the student that they should have their parent call. How heartbreaking to hear from a child that the parent wouldn’t or couldn’t call. That’s when I would step in and advocate for the kid, emailing guidance myself, and get the schedule changed. Imagine this whole college process with NO ONE looking out for you. No one bugging you to get the essay written. No one reminding you of deadlines. No one helping you through that maze. </p>
<p>And by the way, I am not demonizing the parents, either. Some of these folks are in survival mode. I just wanted to point out that when someone “unfairly” gets accepted when someone else who is “more qualified” doesn’t,(these are expressions I’ve seen in posts, not my own views), we don’t know the whole story. </p>
<p>Anyway, thanks everyone.</p>
<p>NYMomof2-
I’d love to read that book. Your earlier post did not even mention the racial aspect. </p>
<p>To all who have responded positively here - you guys have become experts at this whole college thing. Once your kids are done, and your nest is empty, and you don’t know what to do with your CC addiction, consider mentoring a student at your local high school, and helping him or her through this process. </p>
<p>I don’t pretend that as a teacher I have actually made a huge impact on every student who has come through my classroom. But there have been a few that I KNOW I have been able to help. There is NOTHING like knowing you have made a real difference in a child’s life. I highly recommend it.</p>
<p>“From those to whom much is given, much is expected”</p>
<p>I’ve mentioned this to my kids a number of times (& believe it myself). And, not just monetary benefits, but the benefits of a stable, well-balanced family – emotional security, etc. </p>
<p>When I see people who struggle emotionally in life (no matter what their socio-economic status) I think: “maybe they didn’t have the benefit of kind, caring & well-balanced parents.”</p>
<p>Maybe I’ve overdone it— when my six year old heard about a crime in our area, I said (rhetorically): “Why would someone do something like that?” She answered: “Bad childhood?”</p>
<p>I recommend the book highly, mom2three. I was so engaged by the story that when I finished I went on the internet and looked him up, to find out how things turned out for him. </p>
<p>I have the greatest respect for teachers like you. One of my son’s teachers (a wonderful, once-in-a-lifetime (if you’re lucky) teacher) said to me once that of his class of ~20 kids each year, most would do fine whether they had him or not, but there were always a few for whom he could make a big difference. </p>
<p>Mentoring a student through the college application process is a great suggestion for empty nesters.</p>
<p>I mentored an underprivileged college bound student the year before my D started college. He just finished his sophomore year at a very top LAC. I have been there for him through all of the difficulties & triumphs. It has been a joy to be his “second mom.” He comes from a poor family, and he is first generation American born. His family’s culture is very different … the parents are not involved in their kids’ schooling at all. They do not understand many of his concerns, hopes, dreams, struggles, etc. It has been a privilege for me to be involved in his life. I highly recommend being a mentor if the opportunity arises.</p>
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<p>Funny, I would imagine that those making that point(many times over) weren’t black upper middle class people. Only someone who hasn’t walked in those shoes could make such an ignorant assertion.</p>
<p>BTW OP, wholeheartedly agree with your post!</p>
<p>Completely agree what you just said…</p>
<p>It’s so nice to see unanimity among parents – I just don’t know why it doesn’t exist for this topic among CC students though … :(</p>
<p>As a student you just described… I really appreciate it.</p>
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<p>I would assume many that have replied have been women, and thus more subjective and compassionate in their viewpoints. They also have the luxury of longer experience in this life, (the OP referenced an evolution of sorts in her thinking) which tends to erode some youthful idealisms. Life has a remarkable way of illuminating truth if you allow it to.</p>