<p>Hate to be mean spirited but @mom2collegekids your friend’s husband sounds awful. If you are in any type of relationship you want to remain attractive to your partner. I don’t think marriage is a license to just let yourself go because you now have a presumably permanent partner. I still care if my H finds me attractive and I think he does his best to remain attractive to me. </p>
<p>Mom, your friend sounds like a saint. I know I won’t enter sainthood anytime. If I had a husband like that I would disappear without leaving an address even.</p>
<p>Smoking would be a complete marriage killer for me!!! I told Mr B - one wiff of a cigarette, and I’m outta here! Ain’t licking the proverbial ashtray. Of course, I did not tell him that - he would never touch nicotine.</p>
<p>What if the spouse consents to the other half having extramarital relationship? </p>
<p>@HarvestMoon1 You’re not being mean-spirited. I totally agree with you. I, too, am VERY particular to smells (BO and smoking). </p>
<p>Seriously, I think she feels that she was fooled. This is a 2nd marriage for both. They have no kids together. They knew each other in college, and once they were both divorced, her mom “matched” them back up together. At first, she was super-excited. He wasn’t smoking and his weight was not perfect, but not as it is now. She is a retired army colonel and she is in super shape. Now, she is disgusted, but I think she is afraid of being divorced twice. 
That said, I don’t think she can hold up much longer. She feels duped. </p>
<p>I think I am the only one in my book group who has been married just once.
Everyone else is on their second or third marriage. They had very short first marriages but now have been married to current partner for over 20 yrs.
Or they were in longer marriages, but changed too much.
I think a lot depends where you are in life when you got married.
When you get married in your late 20’s & up, you may have a firmer idea of who you are & what you want.
On the other hand, I met my H when I was 18 & just his being involved with my family, including those who are now long gone, gives him a connection to my past that I like.</p>
<p>im very sensitive to smell also, part of the problem with being on the spectrum is senses can be skewed.
But smells are also cultural, as is how often people bathe.
I’ve had to train myself to breathe through my mouth at times.
( note- I was not speaking of H, but I work sometimes with people who are indigent and may not have a place to clean up. Really makes it hard for them )</p>
<p>The spouse who rapidly changed his personal habits I would take for a thorough check up.
My sisters brother in law behaved that way and was found to have a brain tumor.</p>
<p>@mom2collegekids, I wonder if your friend’s H is depressed. Weight gain is one thing but starting to smoke again as well raises a flag. </p>
<p>As much as I am a pro marriage person. I think in a marriage it should bring happiness for both, it’s not a life sentence. Sure my spouse and I have faults but the good traits outrun the bad.
Nobody in my intermediate family has been divorced yet, but we all got married late as in our 30s. My husband and I were just too immature in our 20s to consider marriage seriously.</p>