OP- thank you for adding more information, very helpful.
There is one thing you need to learn right now- today- in order to have a happy and healthy future with your children- YOU DO NOT DISCUSS YOUR HUSBAND WITH YOUR CHILDREN. He is their father, and unless he has been abusing them, they are allowed to have an independent relationship with him that has nothing to do with you.
So- stop complaining to your son. Find a friend, a pastor, a therapist, a social worker. But do not discuss your marriage with your kids. That is a red line.
Moving forward:
Your marriage is over. Whether you sign papers today, tomorrow or never- your marriage is over. You may ask “how can a perfect stranger on the internet know that” and it’s true- it’s quite presumptuous of me. But I initially thought from your post that your husband moved out and you guys were at the “let’s figure this out” stage. It seems clear though that your husband has ALREADY figured it out. He has moved out and moved on.
So you have some work to do in order to insure a safe and healthy future, and that work does not involve rehashing what went wrong. You have strong feelings about a babysitter from 13 years ago. Your son is in college, your daughter is a teenager. Neither of them need to be cared for by a babysitter. If this is the reason you have resisted (for two years) going back to work, you need to look forward, not backwards.
If you are a licensed pharmacist, you can learn how to navigate all this legal and financial stuff. All of it is easier than pharmacy. You just haven’t wanted to (or had to ) learn it. But now you need to, unless you want to be elderly and poor because you didn’t take the time to understand your finances.
Did you sign a prenup before you got married? You will likely remember if you did. If you did not, your lawyer is going to explain to you what protections there are in place for you and your daughter (fewer protections for your son who is over 18, but if your husband has been paying tuition even after the separation, that’s a great sign that he intends to do the right thing).
Go back to my first post and get cracking. If you are affluent, all the more reason to quickly put together a list of all of your assets. And if you are affluent- even if you don’t have the cash on hand to pay the lawyer’s retainer- go sell something. That’s what consignment stores and pawn shops and other places of that ilk are for. Nice watch? Engagement ring? You need to raise some cash to get moving. Are you driving a nice car which is in your own name? You don’t need a fancy car. You need a safe car and you need cash for your divorce lawyer. Go get started.