<p>My older s wrote" I solemnly swear to take care of mom and dad in their old age as they have cared for me even better". He was 9 when he wrote it, but it sits prominently on the bulletin board by my computer!</p>
<p>Sometimes parents do their best to raise their kids to be responsible and balanced members of society and the kids are determined to be the converse. I think it’s wrong to blame her parents for her mental illness. I think they have gone above and beyond to support their grandkids (going back to Iraq, for heaven’s sake!). They know their daughter is nuts, they have no way to prevent her from going to a renegade doctor and impregnating herself yet again… These precious babies are their grandchildren. I can’t imagine a worse position to be in. No power but total emotional obligation.</p>
<p>I feel sorry for the grandma. Her D did not turn out to do as she would have liked. Perhaps she made some mistakes herself in moving her D toward independence but sometimes one can have difficult children (this young woman does seem to have some mental/emotional issues). And what has to tear her apart is that she has these grandchildren that she loves and so no matter what her D does, she can’t ignore these grandkids. She is caught in the middle. She has an understandable attachment and devotion to the grandkids, and actually to her D as well. But it is not as the grandmother would have liked and she mentioned that at the outset. Sometimes, no matter what a parent does, their offspring can do some things that are far from what they were raised to do. Then again, the grandma has been a bit of an enabler in having the D and the kids under her roof and doing childcare and all. But with little ones involved, it is hard to just throw her D out to sink or swim. It should never have gone this far. But now the grandma is in a difficult spot. It’s one thing to throw her D out to fend for herself and another when so many little innocent ones are involved that she has a devotion to by blood.</p>
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I wrote something similar and my mom still has it. It said “I will take care of mommy and push her in the wheel chair when she is 46.”</p>
<p>I tend to think that if Nadya is mentally ill…as seems to be the case, we can’t blame her mother for whatever she does at this point. Nadya is her child…undoubtably she feels guilt and shame for the actions of her daughter. But these are her grandkids, no matter how they came to be. She isn’t responsible for how they got here. If Nadya is a narcissitic brat…schitzo…depressed, etc, whatever the mental illness is…I don’t think at this point in life we can hold mom or dad responsible. There isn’t much they can do to prevent her from doing what she wants to do. Lets all think about how much we can control the actions of our own “normal” teens and young adults. Its not always easy.</p>
<p>This is not grandma or grandpas fault. She is trying to stay in her grandkids lives. If we all become mean towards her…who will those lil babies have?</p>
<p>I would not think that I had been a successful parent if I were spending all of my retirement income to support my grandchildren because their mother could not.</p>
<p>But I can also see the point that the mother brought up–she may be mad at her daughter for purposely putting herself into this mess, but those grandchildren melted her heart and she would of course help.</p>
<p>"I wrote something similar and my mom still has it. It said “I will take care of mommy and push her in the wheel chair when she is 46.”</p>
<p>That is priceless.</p>
<p>Eight hundred and six posts. Wow. Forgive me for not reading them all. I’m just wondering, has anyone asked this rather basic question? Is Nadya’s behavior within societal noms? If so, shouldn’t we be ENCOURAGING our female children to emulate that behavior? If not, why is anyone arguing “more is better, after all they’re just children and deserve our support no matter what the cost.”</p>
<p>Full Disclosure: Connecticut is considering closing its dedicated facility for troubled youth. Annual savings? $872,000 … PER YOUTH. So yes I’m more than a little annoyed about the price when the state starts paying costs normally funded by parents.</p>
<p>no offense New Hope…but most of us were not saying what you thought. Out of all those posts, most are solidly against the choice she made…we (most of us) think the doctor is equally responsible. I’m not sure that anyone is pro- (her) choice…and that is not a pro-choice arguement…!!! Please!! </p>
<p>But, I guess if you did read most of the posts you’d see you were merely agreeing with the majority.</p>
<p>“VeryHappy - you took the words right out of my mouth. Nadya’s parents did not do a good job raising her to be a responsible member of society. As a parent I always believe that it is my obligation to raise my two Ds to be responsible members of society and not a drain on my husband and I or on anyone else!”</p>
<p>Parents can be absolutely excellent, and do their best to raise their kids to be responsible members of society. Kids, however, can make decisions that differ greatly from what their parents raised them to do.</p>
<p>It’s not fair to blame parents for decisions that their adult children make.</p>
<p>No offense taken. Yes, I agree the doctor is much more responsible than Nadya. But tonight I’m looking over tentative cuts in school funding, all of which together (for the whole state!) don’t add up to what CT pays for it’s dedicated youth facility. And I’m really piqued over that. Sorry. I don’t know what the medical condition of these children are, or what issues they may face prior to adulthood. But I do know what it costs to support a Premie for one day. Those costs clearly could be predicted by the fertility doctor, and he obviously couldn’t care less.</p>
<p>I saw today’s interview with the babies’ grandmother. My heart goes out to this woman. She seems shell-shocked and exhausted. I don’t know how old she is, but she could easily pass for 70. I also don’t know how she can bear to wake up every morning, knowing what the day has in store for her (and I’m pretty sure she isn’t guaranteed a full night’s sleep, either). </p>
<p>However, she does seem pretty passive and resigned to her daughter’s behavior. Today she said that the doctor promised her he’d stop performing IVF on her daughter, but “it fell on deaf ears.” When asked to clarify, she quoted the doctor as saying that he knew she shouldn’t have more children. But I don’t think that can be considered a promise. Though obviously this guy isn’t the kind to be bound by a verbal promise, anyway, or any other expectation of decent behavior.</p>
<p>I’ve followed this story from the beginning, and every day brings a more disturbing development. Nadya Suleman is clearly an extremely disturbed woman with a pronounced personality disorder. If she somehow winds up with custody of all of these children, I’ll be sick about it.</p>
<p>The grandmother breaks my heart as well. She probably knows she can do for the six older children, but deep down knows that she can’t truly take care of the younger children. Horrible choice. Keep helping out in a situation that can’t be successful, or do whatever you can to have the children taken away from the family.</p>
<p>" I wrote something similar and my mom still has it. It said “I will take care of mommy and push her in the wheel chair when she is 46.” " </p>
<p>That made me laugh !</p>
<p>I heard that grandmother and Nadya made peace on the news this morning. I wonder if it is because DYFS has gotten involved and now she feels guilty.</p>
<p>I’m just overwhelmed at the scale of this behavior. I know some folks who became grandparents most reluctantly and are contributing to their grandchildren only because their children just are not responsible enough to do their jobs, and they just cannot bear to see those grandchildren hurt from those actions or inactions. But 14 kids!! Mind boggling to me. </p>
<p>I think they should name that doctor as the father and make HIM responsible for those kids along with the mom.</p>
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Excellent idea. He’s the one who impregnated her, so he’s the one who should be held responsible.</p>
<p>Great idea. Someone has to support the kids financially. Neither Nadya nor her mother can, and now the State of California is going broke:</p>
<p>[California</a> to begin layoff proceedings today](<a href=“http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090217/ap_on_bi_ge/california_budget]California”>http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090217/ap_on_bi_ge/california_budget)</p>
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<p>“She probably knows she can do for the six older children,”</p>
<p>I doubt that a person who is elderly – or at best in late middle age – can take care of 6 kids under 8 who include an autistic child, a child with ADHD, and a set of toddler twins. Even with the mother’s help, I don’t think it’s possible for the grandmom to take care of those many kids. I sure know that I couldn’t do that, and I look like I have far more energy than does that overwhelmed grandmom. It burns me that somehow her D has the time to get her nails done. I feel very sorry for the grandmom and kids.</p>
<p>Oh you’re right NSM, for sure. But she HAS been doing for them and is completely attached. I’m sure she doesn’t think for one minute that she can provide the best possible environment for the teeny-tinys.</p>