Just wet-blanketing by pointing out the degree to which even having the possibility of going to a different region of the country for college is evidence of massive privilege, even aside from the privilege inherent in being able to consider going to college at all.
Not saying that going to college in a different region mightn’t be useful, but no matter what we’re talking only about a pretty rarified slice of reality here.
Yes, the average poster/reader on the CC is not the norm…
the norm is the kid going to the local JC or regional school…if they go to college at all.
And also still going within a couple hundred miles of home or so is more typical, even when going to a private. California, Michigan, Texas, Virginia , etc. have many regional differences, even within state. Kids many times are going further away for college in these states than many kids from the Northeast, even if they end up out of state at privates or other publics. Big merit has definitely drawn kids at some schools and has changed things. And there have always been legacies, recruited athletes, wealthy families, families that have saved for whatever college their kid wants to go to, etc. that can and do travel long distances for college. It’s all good.
So true! But aside from recruited athletes, only one or two students from our high school are ever accepted to ivies in a given year. S23 was definitely a kid who did not want to attend college with a lot of his classmates. More than half the high school class usually enrolls at the flagship. It immediately fell off his list when he saw people he knew during our tour.
Interestingly, he has bonded with the handful of kids from our area at his ivy; they have a weekly dinner date.
Both my children prioritized going to school in a different region of the country. We supported that decision and I know it was a good one for both of them. We are fortunate that fit - and not cost - was able to drive their decisions. I know that is not the case for many families. But, if finances are not an issue then location is as good a reason for adding/deleting schools from your list as any other.
All good points, though I think for a lot of kids avoiding an in-state public university isn’t so much about wanting to get away from just their own high school class. It’s about avoiding the entire social milieu of where they grew up. At most large state schools there’s a pretty interconnected web of at most 3 degrees of separation amongst at least 50% of the student body. For Virginia publics, for instance, there’s always a substantial proportion of kids from NOVA. They all basically know each other’s high schools and can pretty easily recreate the same social hierarchy they had at home and map onto it. That’s avoidable, of course, especially if one stays outside the Greek system and makes a point of meeting people from other areas and states, but it’s definitely a pattern and could feel suffocating for some. The kids from X, Y and Z (usually wealthy) high schools in the suburbs of the largest cities in any given state tend to end up ruling the roost (or at least thinking they do) at that state’s public universities.
Can you give an example of such a state school ? Thanks !
This entire site exists mostly for the rarified slice of reality cohort. Not many discussions of Middlesex v Somerset County Community colleges. And that’s fine.
So we went to visit what we thought would be D24’s top choice school today. Unfortunately she really did not like our tour guide. Funny part was that it is an OOS school and the tour guide literally lives in the next town over from us. I was hoping we’d get a good perspective of being a sort of outsider (nobody else from your HS attending etc) but hat didn’t happen. She also knows that the tour guide should not have that big of an effect on her view of the school, but it is hard for her to separate out how much she did not enjoy the tour.
Has anyone had this happen? I feel like it really brought my daughter down and now she is second guessing a bunch of schools. She feels like she hasn’t walked on any campus and truly loved any.
There is one other school that she did really like but it is 6 hours away and she has basically crossed it off the list since it is too far. However it ticks every other box. Any advice on convincing her that 6 hours isn’t that bad for an otherwise perfect fit? (the school today was 2.5 hours away).
Thanks
My S24 had a similar reaction to the tour guy during the tour at UCSD. Even my wife had similar feeling. We were almost going to join another group midway through the tour.
The school itself was ok, but the impression he got had affected his perspective with the school to the point that he took it off the list and didn’t applied.
I should add that this was a tour of one of the schools we didn’t get to before applying. So this is a school she has been accepted to. I thought I would be sending in a deposit after today and now I feel like we are back at square one!
Unfortunately a bad tour guide can be a huge turn off. We had two schools where that happened and my D kept rolling her eyes at me while they were talking. I kind of forced her to give me good reasons to take them off her list (this was before applying). She was able to well articulate why these schools weren’t a good fit beyond the tour guide. If she wasn’t able to do that, I would have encouraged her to reach out to talk to other students at those schools, and maybe revisit if close enough.
Yes, it’s unfortunate when a tour guide can just turn your child off from a college. We had a guide with a sarcastic sense of humor that our D did not like at all. The tour guide was a senior so would have graduated by the time D went to campus, but this logic was not persuasive to her.
It stinks - the tour guide isn’t the school. A great tour guide is entertaining but doesn’t mean the school is right and vice versa…as in this case.
Kids shouldn’t have the expectation of coming home - so six or 2.5 hours isn’t different…other than a comfort level. But given they have to be on campus for four years, day after day, it is important.
Is there substantial difference from today’s school and the one six hours away? Can you find a similar school closer to home?
With facetime today, no one is that far.
It’s always good to walk the town and campus on your own, in addition to the tour, stop kids and talk to them. Also, eat in the dining hall. Maybe she’d see - it was just a lame tour guide but not a lame school.
Academic visits are good too…with a professor or advisor.
Good luck.
Yes, we definitely had this happen with our first (and once with our second), before deciding not to do formal tours with tour guides, but rather register with admissions for a self-guided tour, and do plenty of research ahead of time. Our oldest really didn’t love the “vibe” of some tour guides, even though she literally loved everything else about the school, but once that happened, it was next to impossible to change her opinion. Lots of ways to get a feel for a campus community without doing a formal tour. The school she ended up going to she had applied to, but it was one of the few she didn’t visit. We went to accepted students day and got the swag, met folks, saw the sights, town, etc., but didn’t do the formal tour- didn’t want to risk it, lol.
Thanks. The two schools are very different. The one today was Binghamton and the other school is Duquesne. So big public vs. smaller private/catholic. We walked around Pittsburgh (arrived the day before the tour) and she liked the city as well as the campus. We did not venture into downtown Binghamton.
As much as I know Binghamton is a higher ranked university and can provide additional opportunity, Duquesne has the exact perfect major for her, was a great size in a nice city, and just had a great feel. We also got a NJ tour guide on that tour and she was wonderful (and answered extra questions about distance from home at the end).
At either school she would be the only one from her HS which is something she actually wants. While she did apply to more local schools “too many kids from our HS go there.” She has two other schools also in the final mix, so I am sure she will be fine - today was just rough.
Interesting idea! Maybe we could try again with the one today using this method.
I’ll disagree that Binghamton can necessarily provide additional opportunity. Rank does not equal more opportunity - in fact, my daughter is LOADED with opportunity and chose a safety vs. reaches. Certain schools have special programs and most/all have professors and advisors willing to mentor, and help students to where they want. If your daughter wants something, she’ll find help to get her to it.
Not sure the major but did you look at St. Joes ? Or Siena ?
Some kids are uncomfortable from home - but you can even fly Pittsburgh to NJ if it was an emergency and hopefully the student wouldn’t be coming home. With Facetime and Whats App, mom is always close by!!!
Good luck.
Too funny - she did also get into St. Joe’s and that is the last school we need to visit. At Duquesne it would be an integrated marketing/communications major. At Bing it would be economics. (St. Joe’s would be marketing as well as her2 other choices - Temple and Manhattan).
I also pointed out a quick one hour flight!
Thanks for the reply!
I do think Pittsburgh has a way of feeling far away from the East Coast at first, but pretty quickly it starts feeling not so far away. The drive gets subjectively shorter with familiarity, it is in fact just a really quick flight, there are going to be plenty of other people from the East Coast . . . .
In the end I don’t believe in twisting arms, but if Duquesne was otherwise the top fit, I would hate to see the distance rule it out, because I really think it would end up quickly fading into a non-issue.