Wow, I enjoyed many of these books and believe my mom relied heavily on Dr. Spock. I tried letting S “cry it out,” but that was a disaster as he was easily able to outlast us and the others in our apartment building. I only tried it one night and then decided to do things another way. Motivational Interviewing is another name for some of the techniques in the parenting books I found the most helpful. I read Leach and Brazelton. Not sure that any ONE thing stuck with me other than doing our best and enjoying the time as it is way too fleeting.
I see no one has mentioned Rosemund, who still writes a parenting column in our local paper, which I believe is nationally syndicated. I agree (to an extent) with some of what he says but think he is too far in the authoritarian direction.
I really liked How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and How To Listen So Kids Will Talk. It looked dumb, lots of cartoon-ish examples, but it really taught me how to validate my kids thoughts and opinions and bring them around to making good decisions. I liked their books too.
But I think my favorite book was Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka . It helped me to appreciate that sometimes what is really annoying you about your kid today might be a good trait in the long run. i.e is it tenacity or stubbornness? And also that often the problem is often not the kids’ personality, but the mismatch with yours.
I rather disliked those What to Expect books. I was a fan of Penelope Leach, Sheila Kitzinger, and Karen Pryor too.
LOVED Brazelton! I was in heaven when he got his own TV show! There was something so calm and reassuring about his demeanor.
Someone tried to tell me to let D1 cry it out to get her to sleep through the night, that I could train her - yea, didn’t work. I think I suffered through at least two weeks of listening to her cry for over an hour every night before she completely exhausted herself. At that point, I decided I couldn’t trust any Spock information so I threw that book out.
Probably the one book that got me through the toughest times was The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. I actually still have a copy signed by some of the founders of La Leche League. The Spirited Child was also on my list, as well as How to Talk So Kids Will Listen…
@teriwtt, we let our d1 cry for 3 nights, as per Dr. Spock, because my faith in him was such that I couldn’t imagine he could be flat-out wrong about anything. But instead of crying for an hour the 1st night, a shorter period the 2nd night, and falling asleep after a short grumble on the third, she cried/screamed for longer periods each night and actually puked on the third. At which point we decided that sleep training was over, and so was Dr. Spock, in our house at least.
My dh is a pediatrician and said something like “Well, I didn’t know how to make her go to sleep either, so I why did I think that guy would know?”
The Difficult Child by Turecki. Excellent book that is actually a really positive book for raising bright kids and how as parents to view and deal differently and positively. The best book I have ever seen on this.
Toilet Training in Less than a Day! (Full disclosure: just skimmed it as it is written much like the method itself – very repetitive.) Worked like a charm for both kids and taught them to pay attention their bodies. Very, very few accidents after that one day.
As for the sleeping, we did Ferber’s Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems with the oldest one (he had a pacifier monkey on his back). It worked for him/us in a few days.
I could see both of these not working with a strong willed baby/child. I guess I was just lucky.
I didn’t like Brazelton. He kept saying things like, “By now, your baby has found her thumb.” Uh, no, neither kid ever found his or her thumb. “By now your baby is starting to walk.” Again, no, both walked very late. It was, however, reading Brazelton that made me realize that he had never apparently encountered babies like mine and that no baby author really knows about your baby. Only you do. Penelope Leach was much more reasonable.
I also liked
“Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka”…and had the good fortune of learning of this book from Goskid 1’s wonderful pre-school teacher–who was the author’s sister!
I disliked the what to expect books also.
My sister read Rosemond, as her whole outlook was more authoritarian, but I think even she threw him out along with Ferber.
We both did The Family Bed & extended nursing.
The only book I bothered with was the “What to Expect” pregnancy book. It gave me a good idea of how I might look/feel at each point, but I thought her diet restrictions were a bit much. I kept it, though, and later used the development illustrations to show my son, who was 4 at the time, how a baby looked as she grew. When I went to buy a children’s “mommy is pregnant” type book, he said, “You already explained it. I’m good.”
I knew from being the oldest and seeing the differences in how my siblings and I did things that no one book was going to really be able to “direct” how I should do things. Mostly, I called my mother a lot when I had my first. Each of my 3 was different in so many ways.But certainly being almost 41 with this last one I really didn’t care what other mothers or “experts” thought I should do and did what worked for me-which was often different from what I’d done with each of the other 2.
Someone gave me the “Get Out of my Life…” book before I even had kids, thinking it was a humor book when I was home sick, but it stuck with me and I did refer to it when I actually had teens.
Add me to the list of Brazelton fans. But the book I think I depended on most was “To Kill a Mockingbird” - when in doubt I asked myself, “What would Atticus do?” :-?
I liked Rosemund until I read he didn’t believe in ADHD, or that parents were using it as an excuse. I sort of thought the same thing until I had a son diagnosed in middle school, after I saw the struggle and worked with him for years. I stopped reading him after that.
Another endorsement for The Difficult Child by Turecki. Saved my sanity! Made me realize my difficult child was just really bright and determined and assertive, and I knew she was going to grow up to be someone you don’t mess with.
I also liked The Spiritual Life of Children by Coles.
The one benefit of being the youngest among our siblings and being late parents is the number and breadth of parenting books we received from them. Everything from Dodson to books advocating breastfeeding and cosleeping (Sandy Jones). We took a parenting course using the Adlerian method (positive parenting).
My sister gave the best advice:, pick whatever method, just be consistent. You both have to agree on decisions - the parenting class also emphasized that - and be consistent over time. She cautioned it was easy to say but not easy to do.
If I had to pick one book, it would be the one from the class, Children:The Challenge, by Dreikurs.
I liked the What to Expect Books. They were clear and concise and not judgemental
I read Rosemund when my oldest was small. Then he started to go off on political tangents and became very critical of moms who worked outside the home (like me), etc. I didn’t need that.
I enjoyed (and trusted) the Brazelton books, the “What to expect” book, and “Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent’s Guide to the New Teenager.” But I also got a lot out of the picture books and young child books that I read to my daughter every night - sometimes, those simple stories contained all the advice and reassurance I needed.
For example, there was a book called “Owl Babies” about baby owls who awake one night to find their mother gone. Of course she returns, and the babies are crazy with excitement. I loved that book because, as a young working mother with a lot of guilt, it really celebrated mothers and the bond between parent and child.
And my favorite children’s book of all times is actually a trio of books by Rosemary Wells, called “Voyage to the Bunny Planet.” If you haven’t read it - go read it! It’s awesome. It’s all about how to handle bad days (in life, at school) and how to re-imagine the day that should have been. My daughter still has her copy; I have a copy for myself (I still read it); I give a copy to all my new-mother friends.