<p>As the parents of “two only children” (one an '06 college grad, the other who will be an '08 high school grad) H and I have stretched out the child-rearing years. </p>
<p>It has worked out fine, but at this point I am REALLY looking forward to the time when H and I will be free of factoring school schedules into vacation planning. To be able to travel at ANY time of the year to any place and avoid peak (crowded) seasons AND hit cheap rates is very appealing to me! I have already signed us up for Elderhostel mailings.</p>
<p>Also, ditto on the cleaner, hopefully less cluttered house, etc. One kid’s room can be a study and the other kid’s room can be a project room. AAhhhh!</p>
<p>Hey, I figure that if they are not living right here with us, we will still be free to visit their new locations any time of the year! I tell them I very much look forward to being a GUEST in their homes, sitting in a rocker while they slave in their kitchen!! ;)</p>
<p>CGM, you might find that you will want to actually KEEP all those art supplies, plus buy more. Thing is, now you finally get to play with them too. :)</p>
<p>We’ve been basically empty nest for about two years (the 04 college grad took some time to get the wings flapping, but is flying high now.) Maybe it’s because we had kids so young, but I am enjoying this new stage in my life. I do not spend time mourning our past life. My H and I really enjoy each others’ company, not to mention all the things mentioned here like a clean house, less dishes, eating what we like when we like, no TV on, etc. I like having my “head” back–it’s almost like coming out of a 20+ year fog–my long lost writing ambitions are back (halfway through the novel which never ends), we go places when we want; we stay home and do nothing when we want. I’m pretty sure that I’d feel the same way if single (I know my long-widowed mom, who had real issues getting everyone out of the nest, treasures her free time still.)</p>
<p>This doesn’t mean my kids aren’t still a huge part of my life. My D lives 10 minutes from here, and I see her every couple weeks–sometimes meeting for lunch, sometimes just a drop in to borrow something (like the car!) or to get beer-brewing tips from her dad–what a chip off the ol’ block. S goes to school not too far away, so is usually home for breaks. Our relationships with them are strong, and it’s fun and rewarding (mostly) to watch them put together their grown-up lives. And their lives will always be a part of our lives.</p>
<p>For those of you who are somewhat apprehensive, i urge you to start planning for things you would really like to do and haven’t had the opportunities to do so in the past. There is definitely life after kids!</p>
<p>I just did the math: my oldest S (now college freshman) will be 35 when my youngest D starts college in 2023. (BTW, people always ask me–this is not a blended family). She’ll start kindergarten after he graduates from college in 2010.
I guess I’ll be senile by the time my nest is empty. Can I get a prize for that?
I am looking forward to LESS laundry, noise, mess, keeping track of other people’s stuff, and MORE privacy, traveling with H. . .I can dream, can’t I?</p>
<p>The thing I like best about being an empty nester is not having to deal with the day-to-day mood swings of a drama queen and a not-very communicative son. I love them to death, miss them most of the time, BUT
I feel less stressed when they’re not underfoot. When they’re not around, I’m quite aware that I know very little, really, about what they’re actually doing. And ignorance really IS bliss for me.</p>
<p>The no more school fundraisers sounds REALLY good to me. Unfortunately, I have an 8 year old, so have a few more years of that . . .</p>
<p>Also, yes, buy more art supplies! I want my own set of colored pencils that no one else will touch, my own sketch books that no one else will take/tear pages out of. I want to learn to paint, and have a place to do it that won’t be disturbed! </p>
<p>I’m not going to wait for the empty nest, though. Next year with only two left at home will be empty enough for me to start pursuing some of my own interests again. If I wait until the next is <em>empty</em>, I’m afraid I’ll be dead.</p>
<p>I have one in college (soph) and one still in h.s. (jr). H and I dream of the empty nest days. I love my boys but it has reached the point where they make it clear that they would rather spend time with their friends doing their own thing than hanging out with Mom and Dad. So I figure if they are going happily thru life without us, it’s not too unfair for us to happily envision life without them. </p>
<p>We are looking forward to…</p>
<p>Actually going on a vacations or weekend trips without having to plan around their schedules and then try to cajole them into going with us.</p>
<p>Having the youngest graduate so we can begin planning our move away from the busy suburb that we have grown weary of.</p>
<p>No more high school anything (except the football which we will really miss).</p>
<p>I will get DIFFERENT art supplies, better more expensive paints, I can leave MY stuff out and not have to shift stuff around for their projects…I like painting things, and am actually going to create things to sell at local stores</p>
<p>another thing I won’t miss is waiting outside of sportig events to pick the kids up, somehow ending up with more than I dropped off</p>
<p>I won’t miss buying the different kinds of apples everyone eats, heaven forbid they could like the same kind</p>
<p>I will miss the fashion shows, and the getting ready for parties, and dances, etc</p>
<p>But I won’t miss the “mom could you tell the dogs to stop barking cause everyone is looking” remarks when I drop D at school…no one is looking, and if they are, does she really think they care?</p>
<p>And I won’t miss having a toliet that has to be plunged ALOT…sigh…having the bathroom they use actually okay for guests is a dream I have</p>
<p>wbow, I know what your’e talking about. When my first one left in Jan of 2004, my DH came unhinged. But because he is a man and his outsides do not neccessarily match his insides, I did not pick up on his grief. Heck, I don’t think HE knew he was grieving. He thought he was simply making a mess of things.</p>
<p>I had to float back down to earth (because I really went for a fun spin when the first one left) and deal with the grief and face the transition with him. Fingers crossed that he is much more aware now and won’t collapse when youngest leaves next week! </p>
<p>We had an amazing family life. I don’t think DH’s life will see bigger highs–unless we can buy houses down the street from both sets of grandchildren (Grandchildren are not an option, they are a given LOL). It is sad that our family life over but we are very close to two amazing young men and I think the next bit of life might be just as much fun–in a different way. We had so much fun before the kids were born–and we had much richer and deeper intellectual and artistic lives. Like garland, I probably put too much brain power into parenthood. I’ll be happy to relive a more intellectual and artistic life for a time.</p>
<p>I fell apart in August when D left…missed her terribly…but after Christmas visit when she left, my H said “well the house will be clean again for a while!”
“Curiouser” My H especially doesn’t miss the drama queen part too!
So we are doing better because…
clean house
towels hung
not cooking if I don’t feel like it
dogs who adore me getting my attention</p>
<p>but again what I miss is too long to list:(</p>
<p>I remember when I was a young mom, a mom with older kids told me that God created the teen years to help parents let go:) It worked with my boys, they stayed home longer, and I was ready for them to go when they did…but it is harder with the last one</p>
<p>peggy–I understand about the large choir concerts! But now that S2 is in college, he is in a couple of choirs and my problem is how to get away for a weekend so I can actually hear him again.</p>
<p>I thought we were done with recitals when D when to college. Unfortunately, she is still in shows (dance minor) and now we drive 6 hours to see her dance!</p>
<p>Son hopes to join the Glee Club next year (assuming U of Mich gets smart and accepts him), so I don’t think our days of choir concerts are really over. But it’s a nice thought . . .</p>
<p>Well… I will reluctantly concede that there may be a <em>few</em> advantages, the biggest of which from my point of view will be much less LAUNDRY. Oh, and maybe unlimited hot water! Cooking when I feel like it. Everything when I feel like it! Come to think of it, whatever I want, whenever I want to… hey, maybe this isn’t such a bad concept after all!</p>
<p>If I could apply a cost (no children at home) benefit (less laundry, house neater, less shopping, etc.) analysis to becoming an empty nester, I wouldn’t become one. Good thing that analysis didn’t come into play or my children wouldn’t have the wonderul opportunities they have! I’m thrilled for them that they are where they are. As for me…well, it’s just taking some getting used to.</p>
<p>JC*-my theory why it is more difficult with the last one is that we have the oportunity to bond with them alone when they are young adults (we had the eldest alone as babies) and the relationship formed is just different.</p>
<p>My best to all as we begin writing the next chapter in our lives.</p>
<p>I agree that it is so hard for that last one to leave. And I too don’t think that it is just the empty house, we did become closer after the older ones were out of the house–really a special time.</p>
<p>The younger one is an extrovert so the relationship has been easier–plus he turned out to be remarkably self contained–which wasn’t where the predicitons were headed. I say my DH is closer to S2 than any living human being. S2 is a carbon personality copy of moi and DH would never tell me or any other person exactly what he’s thinking–but he is happy to give S2 a piece of his mind at the top of his lungs. And they are always trying to wrestle each other to the ground because they take Jujitsu lessons together.</p>
<p>However, S2 has an entourage so we haven’t exactly had an intimate one-on-one relationship. Seems like there is always an extra kid or two at the table, in the car or sitting next to him in his room.</p>
<p>We lose him, we lose the friends too–and I admit, I am ready to have the house to myself for a while.</p>
<p>so if you didn’t want to be an empty nester, what is the alternative? </p>
<p>we have to realize our jobs are done, and hopefully, none of us will have to have a slacker 30 year old living in our basements</p>
<p>that would indeed drive me up the wall</p>
<p>I just came up with another reason to enjoy emptynestdom</p>
<p>being able to use last minutes tickets to shows when they are offered</p>
<p>I had to turn down 2 tickets to see a musical the other night because I was the driver for the kids…they were offered at 4oclock, were free and were for a great show, but to try and find other drivers etc at that point, sigh…I just pretended they were never offered</p>
<p>as an emptynester, I can jump at the last minute stuff, even getting those half price tickets for shows the day off, not worrying about practices and coordinating stuff</p>