Our coddled, entitled children

Parents Forum
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Anybody who has never feared at any time at least a little for their personal safety has lived a pretty sheltered life, IMO. In fact, many people choose to do things in their lives specifically because they feel those activities are a little edgy.</p>

<p>I think the bigger point is that it makes no sense (at least to me) to live in a frightened state because of the murder rate in Chicago, unless you happen to live in a violent area of Chicago. You can express social concern about the problem, but personal fear doesn’t seem warranted to me. I’m pretty sure that statistically most of us are far more likely to be killed in a regular old traffic accident than gunned down.</p>

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I think everybody aspires for their child to have it easier than they did. Since my parents were relatively more successful than I am, and since as has been pointed out frequently on this thread times are tough these days, I suppose my kid has it a little less cushy than I did, and may be facing greater challenges. </p>

<p>But I believe he’s up to those future difficulties. Of course, that remains to be seen - he’s just starting out. I’ll give him credit for what he’s done and how he winds up, but not in advance just because he may be challenged in the future.</p>

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<p>Our lives are always in danger. You can swallow something the wrong way, you can slip and hit your head, you can fall from stair and you can be plainly shot. It has nothing to do with the way we were raised or the way we raise our kids. Anyway, I am not sure about the point here. Who cares? Some people want to do spoiling on purpose. I definitely am the one and tell it to my kids to spoil their current (my grandkids) or any future and make sure to tell them to do the same. I have no objection though if somebody treats their kids very differently from this approach. Why anybody would interfere or object unless there is a crime situation? Again, I need to care how other kids are raised? Every family has its own set of values. As long as this set of values is not washed out by others, I do not care one way or another and I do not understand why anybody would. I am living for my kids having it easier and better than me…</p>

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<p>No doubt. But, the issue I attempted to raise was life threatening events not of your own making while you were a child–not after HS and as an adult.</p>

<p>Does “a little less cushy” translate to your son not having been “coddled” as a child?</p>

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<p>The article (and, I suspect, the book) is a mishmash of anecdotes revolving generally around the topic that parents tend to be more directly involved in their kids’ lives nowadays than was the case in the 60’s and 70’s. (I don’t know what the general nature of parent-child relationships might have been in earlier eras; I suspect reporting of accurate information on that subject may not be entirely objective and accurate.) The introductory statement:

could have been (and probably was) uttered frequently about my generation 40 years ago.</p>

<p>This part may be different:

Daily communication just wasn’t as universal back in the day; between Twitter, Facebook, texting, etc. the current generation is simply in constant contact with everyone they know all the time. (I’d find it exhausting, but I’m a dinosaur.)</p>

<p>What I doubt is that “this” generation is actually really different in any meaningful way from any prior generation. Yes, things are different than the way they were when we were that age but the differences are superficial. The urge to pander to the old folks by derogating those differences as “coddling” or “a sense of entitlement” is understandable (and probably profitable) but seriously: is there any objective evidence that average young Americans actually have it easier than we did back in the day? Or is it just codgery stuff like “We didn’t have smart phones! No, by crackie! We had to put coins in a pay phone! These kids just don’t understand how easy they’ve got it!”</p>

<p>I still say that no generation had it easier, or complained more with less justification, than the baby boomers. Not everything was peachy, but the world (and the American economy) pretty much kissed our butts for decades, kowtowing to the influence of our collective buying power, and with the confluence of post-WWII economic boom and a lack of international competition pretty much all the Average American Joe had to do was not screw up too bad and everything would turn out OK. Talk about “entitlement!”</p>

<p>The margin for error is much, much smaller these days. I don’t see the coddling.</p>

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I don’t think he was coddled, nor do I believe this generation of children has been coddled. I have so stated several times on this thread.</p>

<p>I also don’t believe I was coddled excesively, although I do appreciate everything my folks did for me. I had a comfortable life but my parents made me work hard in school and work at jobs, from the time I was very young.</p>

<p>I don’t recall every post in this thread, but I think if you read it you will likely find that at most one or two posters have stated a belief that today’s children are coddled. On the other hand, I believe there have been several posters vehemently expressing the notion that other generations, particularly the baby boom, were coddled and entitled. </p>

<p>Since we’re asking personal questions, were you coddled and entitled? Are your children coddled?</p>

<p>I personally believe it is possible to be born into beneficial financial circumstances and still not be “coddled.” Many of the children of today, particularly the children of recent immigrants who found success here the US, are living without real worry or financial want. Their parents are in the position to fund education wherever they can get in. But these parents do not seem to be allowing their children to sit on their laurels. I don’t think that’s different from any time in history.</p>

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<p>Me? I was born in 1950 and came from an upper-middle class family with parents born in the 1910s (1912 and 1915). Both struggled through the depression, but never were destitude. Dad put himself through college and law school. Mom did not get to go to college because her dad died and her mom had no skills so my mom supported that family before she married my dad.</p>

<p>My Father said to us that he’d provide food, a roof over our head and clothing but if we wanted other things we (my older brother and I) would need to get a job and take care of that.</p>

<p>You could work back then and we did. I started at age 10, turning 11 throwing a residential paper route, mowing yards, walking dogs. I added stocking at a drug store and sacking groceries. I also cleaned out (and up) apartments owned by a family friend when tenants moved out.</p>

<p>I shared the family car, paid the gas when I used it and for repairs if I caused the problem. I had chores–take out the trash, mow the yard, clean up after the dog, wash the cars. No allowance. My Mom was a very poor cook, so I learned to cook along the way and “helped out.”</p>

<p>We took family vacations. I went to camp when 8 and 9. I earned A LOT of money as a kid and saved a bunch. Our deal with dad was that if you earned it, you could spend it the way you wanted.</p>

<p>Me coddled? Yes, probably, since I wanted for nothing. Entitled? No. If I wanted it, I paid for it as a kid.</p>

<p>I have one child, a son born in 1988. He had to work but not starting nearly as young as I did. He pulled wires one summer for an electrician and, once he could drive, he tutored kids in math and made more than enough to pay for what he wanted (I also provided food, shelter, clothing). He attended camp each summer starting a age 7. He got the camp to select him to be the camper-dishwasher once he got to driving age so that he came back from camp with money for his stuff to add to what he made during the year tutoring.</p>

<p>He got use of a 1988 Blazer starting in 2004 (it had been a grand-father’s car who had passed away the year before) when he got his license but had to pay for gas and the increase in insurance. We also had the deal that if he earned money, it was his to spend. He had chores and no allowance.</p>

<p>Coddled? If that means not wanting for anything, then yes. Entitled? No.</p>

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<p>^^^
I think that probably matches up with how a lot of people would describe their lives. But that’s hardly an admission that you were some spoiled reprobate.</p>

<p>I wonder exactly how many people would care to admit to being handed everything on a silver platter, being cosseted like some porcelin doll or having every whim indulged like Jay Gatsby. Whether by their parents or merely as an accident of the time in which they lived.</p>

<p>I’d be interested in hearing the stories.</p>

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<p>I know I wasn’t coddled, and I don’t think my kids were. (?)</p>

<p>I was the daughter of a high school football coach back in the day when teachers could barely eek out a living. (1951)
My mother was married and divorced three times, and my biological father died when I was seven. My step-father was verbally abusive, and I would go to school crying more days than I would like to remember. I was so relieved when my mom left him and married her third husband. He was great to us kids, but my mom and he didn’t always get along, so life still wasn’t too rosy.</p>

<p>As a female, I was told to take typing and shorthand in high school. I worked at Sears about 15 hours a week starting at age 16 (on the Teen Fashion Board), and then all through my junior and senior years I worked in retail, and continued through college. I also had a little money of my own (from my dad’s death- military dependent benefits) that I used to pay for my college tuition. I graduated UC Irvine with a degree in Philosophy and Music, and went for a fifth year for my teaching credential. (Women could be teachers as well as secretaries in my limited world view in 1973.) During this time my mother also worked full time as a secretary, an later as a bank administrator. All I knew growing up was that work was necessary for life, and what was important was finding a way to support yourself so you didn’t have to be dependent on parents or on a husband. </p>

<p>Needless to say, my kids have had a very different experience: parents with a solid and happy marriage of 40+ years; a home in an upscale community with excellent public and private schools; a mother who stayed at home during their childhoods and two parents who were involved in Little League, PTA, Boyscouts and Girl Scouts; music lessons, backpacking trips all over the country and vacations abroad.</p>

<p>I think my kids were highly privileged. Of that I have no doubt. But I honestly don’t think they were coddled, and they don’t feel entitled. I make no apologies. I’m really happy that we were able to give them the kind of childhood I would have loved.</p>

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<p>My cousin’s two daughters were definitely coddled. They had designer clothes, had TVs in their rooms (with cable and VCRs) from elementary school, each were given a brand new car when they turned 16. Mom only had the “right” brands of catsup, orange juice, etc in the house, and she never hesitated to be sure her girls got at least their fare share of whatever was being given out, be it spots on the cheerleading squad or attention from teachers. And yet these two young ladies (both in their 20’s now) are two of the friendliest, kindest people I know. Both worked part time jobs in high school and college. I’ve never heard either of them utter a nasty word about someone else, My parents and I have often speculated on what a marvel it is that they turned out to be so nice, when it looked from the outside as if they were being raised to be spoiled, self-centered brats.</p>

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<p>It depends. In terms of financial hardship and/or potentially being drafted into a war, this generation has gotten off easy. </p>

<p>However, the expectations of what you need to do to get into college these days are ridiculously harsh. In some cases, it’s easier to get on the faculty of a university than attend it. And also the expectations of what is “good” have changed. For many Baby Boomers, going to college was a sign of success. For their kids, if they don’t get into the ivy league, they have failed. (And in the old days, getting into the ivy league was more assured by being in the right circles and/or the right schools.)</p>

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<p>I was told to take typing and shorthand in high school:p. I did take typing but I did very badly. I figured I never would have to use it.</p>

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<p>I’ll say it - the 80’s were very, very good years. My parents came from working class backgrounds and my dad, through a lot of hard work, natural skill in sales and a lot of serendipity, wound up extremely successful in business. So by the time I was in late high school / college / early adulthood, there was a lot of money flowing around, and my dad is an extremely generous person who lives by the “enjoy it today, you could die tomorrow” philosophy.</p>

<p>So, yes, I had designer clothes and handbags. I remember walking into Neiman-Marcus and coming out with 10 pairs of shoes. We traveled first-class to Europe and Asia and took nice ski vacations. We ate out frequently at nice restaurants - every time my parents would come see me at Northwestern, we’d eat at Le Francais (I guess that would be the equivalent of the French Laundry today). My mother, sister and I all got nice jewelry for birthdays and special occasions that my dad designed for us and bought in Hong Kong. One year, my parents bought H and me (we were engaged at the time) matching Cartier tank watches. I drove an Audi 4000 (that was my college graduation present) and my sister drove a Porsche. My parents decorated their home exquisitely. </p>

<p>Was it fun? Oh hellz yeah ;-). It was great fun!
Did that mean that I was “coddled”? Coddled implies that I was somehow immune from any of the bad stuff in life, and like everyone else, I’ve had bad stuff in my life. FWIW, when I was 16, I was still told to get a part-time job (which I did), and I worked extremely hard academically because that was always important to me. I had household responsibilities and was expected to be a good, responsible, helpful person in the household. </p>

<p>“Entitled”? No, I was fully aware that we were very lucky, esp having grown up in a row house in a working class neighborhood. I didn’t point at things and say “daddy, I want them.” These were gifts freely given that I accepted. “Entitled” implies “owed.” No. Not at all. We were also fully aware that these things were life perks, not necessities.</p>

<p>So yeah, I’ll cop to having been indulged in this age period in my life. Sure. I live a nice lifestyle now, but not with the same abandon as how I lived during this time.</p>

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<p>^^^I am making up for all the shoes I didn’t get when I was a teenager. :slight_smile: Maybe I am the one who is entitled.</p>

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<p>I just have to note, as I have before, that rich people are “entitled” to their riches. That’s what “entitled” means, really. I think that they aren’t entitled to think that they’re better than other people in a broad sense, but they are entitled to what comes from being richer, like riding in the First Class section of the plane.</p>

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Alright, one indulged rerpesentative. THanks you for you contribution. THe list is still a little thin on coddled or entitled.</p>

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<p>Imo, there is a huge difference between coddled and entitled. I know plenty of people in my income bracket that are coddled but definitely not entitled.</p>

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<p>Yes, I think I’ve been playing a tiny bit fast and loose with the definitions of both “coddled” and “entitled.” What I am using these words to express, in a broad sense, is someone who is overprotected and/or overindulged, who beleives they deserve to be overprotected and/or overindulged, and lacks any gratitiude. I know it’s anecdotal, but I haven’t personally encountered many such people from any generation.</p>

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<p>I was the third child born to parents later in life. Neither were college grads. My sibs were seven and ten years older. We lived in a rural town (pop.3000) in the south. Dad was the (low paid) county sheriff. Once I started sch. Mom took a p/t job as a bookkeeper. She also made peanut brittle and sold it for $1/pound to make extra $. My job was to fold all the little boxes and help shell the peanuts when I was in elementary sch. Aside from a trip to a theme park one yr, our only vacations were weekend trips to the beach (1.5 hours away) staying for free in a cottage that belonged to family friends. </p>

<p>My Dad died at 53. My grandmother (mom’s mother) had died three months earlier and my grandfather,Dad’s father, died exactly exactly 11 days before my Dad. Our world was rocked. It was 1974. I was 11.</p>

<p>Brother was into drugs (using/dealing…eventually got arrested).<br>
Sister had just “come out of the closet”, a major thing in a small southern town. She had just grad. college and was on her own. We lived on Social Security and Mom’s church secretary income. Mom made a lot of my clothes.</p>

<p>That summer '74, I turned 12 and took over the yard. Keeping the grass mowed was my job. Eventually, I started cleaning the gutters on the roof (lots of pine trees in our yard). Later, I babysat and worked at the town pool concession stand…spent most summer afternoons there with friends. In h.s. my Mom made me take typing and Home Ec…hated both! I worked as a waitress, then got a job (thru DECA) in the stockroom of the town hospital. During college I was an EKG tech. The money I made was mine.
State school was my only option. I was thrilled to go there.</p>

<p>I had everything I needed,lived a decent neighborhood of small brick ranch houses w/ lots of friends to hang out with, had a great time in h.s… even got a 1972 Ford Pinto for $595 when I was a h.s. senior (class of 1980). </p>

<p>I grew up fast in less than optimum circumstances but knew I was way better off than many in our community.
My Mom once told me she was sorry I had such a hard life as a kid. It hadn’t occurred to me to think of myslef that way because she always strived to get me everything I needed.</p>

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<p>Ah, Le Francais in Wheeling. I remember having lamb prepared three ways as a single entree. But, I was out of college, married and paid for it.</p>

<p>It opened in 1973 under the guidance of the legendary chef Jean Banchet and by the end of the decade Le Francais was named the best restaurant in America by Bon Appetit magazine.</p>

<p>Pizzagirl – if you were eating there when Banchet was running it, you are “blessed.”</p>

<p>I’ve been around titled and entitled. I was the civilian escort for a girl (my then girlfriend) who made her debut at the International Debutante Ball held at the Waldorf Astoria in December of 1969. My long hair gave rise to some media comment. I actually have a clipping from the NY paper with our picture. My tails were rented (I paid) and I had not gotten them altered to be long enough. A LOT of sock was showing. I chuckle to this day. A fish out of water.</p>

<p>Lot of very coddled and entitled European mid range royalty kids. A group (as a whole) of drunk/coked out dead weights. There were overheard conversations about being “bored.” </p>

<p>We met a couple of kids our age (18-19) from Rumson NJ and hit it off. As Texans, we “stuck out” (not private schools, accent, “style”–or lack thereof etc.), but the 4 of us really enjoyed each other that weekend. The NJ girl had already done another debut in Europe. But, we were kids and went to Sardis and a sports bar I think was called Gallager’s 66. On the night of the actual Ball, we were sitting at a table with the NJ couple when a female came up to the NJ girl and said “[name], we are at the table with Trisha [Nixon] and David [Eisenhower], why don’t you come join us?” She replied “only if there is room for these two friends [me and my girlfriend] as well.” Surprise! No room for us! </p>

<p>Looking back it would have been a spectacle. The reporters actually attempted to get David to state his thoughts on President Nixon’s policies regarding Vietnam. </p>

<p>All were daughters of extremely wealthy US families. Some were entitled jerks. Some were just wealthy.</p>

<p>The trip was a blast. I got to see Hair in the first few weeks when the nude actors came into the audience and the audience members were allowed to strip and come on stage for the finale. Her parents went to see Oh, Calcutta.</p>

<p>Sally Cunard attended Emory and was the girlfriend of a guy I knew when I went there. She was so not entitled, the guy never had a clue of who she was (shipping lines) until she invited him to come home to meet her parents. To be candid, none of us other guys had put it together, but when school started up again after Winter break and he told us of the house, servants, dressing for dinner etc. it clicked.</p>

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<p>If you have a discernible pulse and a high school diploma (and sometimes, that’s optional too), you can get into a college.</p>