<p>Mushaboom, you did the right thing, and kudos to your Mom for sticking it out in the housing office. Please tell her so from me! And shame on Housing for the nasty attitude to you & I assume the other students who have these kinds of roommate problems.</p>
<p>Maybe now after Tyler has died, they will pay a little better attention to roommate issues.</p>
<p>Your situation involved your personal safety; it was not about anyone’s tolerance of a roomie having a “friend” over— if I was your Mom I would have brought a cop with me, to explain the importance of the topic to the secretaries. Yes, I can be embarrassing at times! But sometimes you have to whack these people upside their dumb heads. I would have sat there all day if I had to, and been back the next day and the next, to help my kid get her room changed.</p>
<p>Your story really makes me wonder if Tyler received similar treatment at the hands of this housing office, and that is behind his suicide? I had been wondering what had transpired betwen when he went to the RA (the right step to take) and his assertive postings on the gay website, and the point at which he decided all was hopeless and he borrowed the car to go to the bridge. Could it have been the secretaries in Housing? </p>
<p>One of the schools to which my dau is applying has an interesting guest policy for dorms—no one is allowed to stay overnight, except same sex friends/relations, and the roomie has to sign a paper saying they are OK with the guest, and the guest can only stay for two nights together. IDs are left at the desk & it is manned 24 hr.</p>
<p>When we first learned of this policy (on the tour) I thought, “a little 50s isn’t it?” but upon reflection, as a parent, I like it. It protects the student from the roommate-as-bully situation, the nights spent on the sofa in the lounge (which I endured) or having to listen to “intimacy” in the bed across the room. It’s the room of both of them, and both of them have a right to peace and quiet (and safety) in it. God knows you pay enough for it.</p>
<p>As to Ravi & Wei — at the least, they should be expelled, and charged as described for their violations–not to mention, NJ has hate crime statutes. They violated Rutgers’ harassment policy big time, and repeatedly. I assume Rutgers made this policy known to all freshmen at their orientation. Ravi is a heedless jerk and for an honors student, Wei is pretty brainless (why did she let him touch her computer to broadcast his roommate, once she realized what he was doing?).</p>