Overall I think OP is a parent who cares and that is a good thing.
As a mom of a kid with LD (had an IEP at age 3 through high school graduation), I know its hard not to worry.
My son’s career interest is a tech school healthcare related field for which there is no bachelors equivalent. He chose a school 3 hours from home. It has small class sizes. All colleges will have student support services but once the kid is in college they are adults and nobody can force them to go. My son has chosen to NOT take in his neuropsych evals and does not get any accommodations for any of his classes. But thing is, my kid hasn’t needed it. I think his biggest class has about 25 people in it, his labs have been less than 12 students and he’s taking classes that interest him. His gpa went from barely passing high school to now a 3.0.
I wont lie, there has been some mental health challenges along the way. Hes now living with roommates who are not great for him. But I have to let him fly a bit on his own. I know my kid will be stronger in the end because of it. Allowing him some space to (somewhat safely) falter is helping him grow to be a responsible adult.
College is super expensive. You dont want to feel like you are wasting money. It sounds like theres too much anxiety and ambivalence regarding him going to college. If the kid doesnt care and isnt begging to go to a certain school, there is nothing wrong with sending them to the state flagship for a year and trialing things out.
I think OP wants her child to succeed but make sure you aren’t clipping your kids wings in the process because of your own fears.