<p>Update: Went to see the headstone and took pictures. There is room to put “inurned Oakland, CA.”
Went to the cemetery office where I asked about this situations. I had figured out that the Catholic cemetery would not allow the date of death as neither her ashes nor her body are there. The secretary told me “I am sure you cannot” (put the inurned) and I asked who to speak with…
So I will email with the head person next week and ask about the inscription but have little hope it will be accepted. This means that we either leave the headstone with no date of death for our mother or we destroy the headstone (no big deal evidently as she said the ground is sacred but the headstone is not) and put a new one up with only our father’s information.
Will let you know what the head says but will bet it is a no.</p>
<p>My MIL died last year and her date of death is on her marker, even though she was cremated and her ashes are not buried at the cemetery.</p>
<p>I read some thing on the net by a probate attorney, he said, those rules are established by the cemetery and by the local government, so there is no set rules.</p>
<p>However, the Catholic Cemeteries are ruled by the doctrine (of the day) of the Catholic Church and there are not local decisions. Years ago cremation was not accepted by the church at all but that did change. That is why my vote would be to leave it all alone and believe that someday the Catholic Church will make a new ruling and the generation at that time can add the inurned information.
The fact is that my mother had not been in a Catholic Church for many decades but this was what she practiced when my father died–thus the grave sites (she bought 6 so that if any of her children died she had a spot for them).</p>
<p>There are some graves near me that clearly do not contain remains because they say ‘lost on the Titanic’. I have often wondered about those families,who bought a grave stone for their missing relatives.</p>
<p>I can’t help you OP but I just wanted to say I wish you all the best with this sad circumstance.</p>