My dad met with his attorney and financial consultant today to talk about revising his will to make it simpler. I’m the sole executor now (yay) and my sister and I are still the only two beneficiaries (yay). I’m a little surprised he’s not leaving anything to his church or Lady Friend. Several years ago he had said he wanted to leave something to the church.
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This may not be a desire but if you feel the church was important to his life (whether or not you agree with that church), you could always write a check to them once the will is settled. My mom left all $$ to me and my sibs but we made a point to make a donation to her local YMCA (she was a legacy member and an employee till she was 84! and they were like her second family) and her synagogue once all was settled.
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That’s a good idea. He had asked my sister and me to make annual donations after he passed, but we declined. We said he could give them anything he wanted, but it needed to be in his will. The church is kind of cult-lite, and I really don’t want to have anything to do with them after Dad is gone. A one-time donation would be nice, though.
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I would be glad to someday give money to Dad’s church (which I attended too in high school). But he’s opted to name just his wife and grandkids in his will. That’s fine by me, but I will encourage my kids to pick his church or one of his favored non-profits for donation once he is gone.
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The brother and wife that live in the town that the Assisted Living facility is at have still not toured it, nor given much input or help. SIL is at his parent’s home now - they had a new or almost new weed whacker/edger in a storage unit – that they had not been in for 5 years until DD/SIL started helping them clear things out - this is the second solo trip for SIL, and DD/SIL/kids were near there for beach vacation and spent the first weekend solely on the parents’ garage and other organizing/downsizing. The parents have used a lawn service; DD told her DH to ask his brother one time if he wants the weed whacker/edger (SIL is driving through that city on the route home with hauling things there and some things to DD/SIL’s home). DD’s nightly calls are to keep her DH focused on getting things done at a good pace. Starting with a load going to Goodwill tomorrow. Since DD was there in the summer, she knows ‘the lay of the land’.
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We’re visiting my MIL. We got here 45 minutes ago & greeted her. She looked at us, said hello, and turned back to the tv. She is sitting in her wheelchair in a common room. I told H to wheel her away from the tv & talk to her. He’s just sitting in a nearby chair. Buck up, buddy, and rise to the challenge of the day. She doesn’t have dementia, so once you help her realize it is you, she’ll interact.
Update: Got her back to her room. She is definitely not lucid today. We’re in a new phase … 
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I see where TX has some driver license renewal information for older adults (info from Google):
”In Texas, drivers aged 79 or older must renew their licenses in person at a Department of Public Safety (DPS) office and schedule an appointment on the Texas DPS website. Drivers 85 and older receive a 2-year license, while those 79-84 get an 8-year license. An in-person appointment requires a completed application, proof of identity and citizenship, a signature, thumbprint, updated photo, a vision test, and payment for the fee.”
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We finally got SIL and her H to find the contents of my in laws’ safety deposit box. We pushed for it because there is an annuity we just learned about that belonged to my late FIL. The insurance company refuses to discuss it with H or SIL, and MIL is not able to provide help. If we could find the policy, things would be much easier. SIL just texted to say: Just went through it. Lots of Lake stuff and old stuff, old coins. We took our documents. Pretty cool!. I asked if it had deeds and insurance policies. Her response: I think so. I swear, she and her H are beyond clueless. I just told her to please bring it tomorrow for my H to look through. 
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Well, one sister has taken ALL the things out of mom’s safety deposit box, even though me and my other sister were the two people authorized to open mom’s safety deposit box. That sister who took all the items was NOT authorized but somehow knew the person who worked at the bank and got them to give her the contents. SOMEDAY, supposedly we will find out what is/was in the box.
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Glad to hear they found it.
I know when my mom moved, my sibling took documents home with her. I’m hoping they are in a place easily found. Not that mom has too many important documents but she does have a will that we had redone when she moved into independent living
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SIL brought us some of MIL’s things she found (at H’s not so gentle urging) in her basement. We looked through the contents of the safety deposit box and a box of random stuff last night. It took me less than five minutes of digging through the box of random stuff to find the actual contract for the mystery annuity! And the safety deposit box had some important documents that we knew were there. They have two more boxes that they are sure don’t contain anything important - H told them we want them, as well. It’s clear that they didn’t look to see what income streams were coming in when FIL died & they took over finances for MIL. I just hope that there aren’t any tax issues associated with the annuity, since it’s an IRA. We’re not in charge, so …
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I am pretty sure that there is no tax obligation on an annuity unless there are withdrawals. And if withdrawals, there should be some kind of annual 1099 form (?) to use for tax prep.
Unfortunately, the fact that it’s an IRA annuity would - I think - mean there must be RMDs. That’s my concern, but H reminds me that it is not my concern. MIL specifically chose SIL to take care of her finances.
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Well, sometimes penalties can be forgiven if the appropriate form is filed and explanation given. Untangling estate assets are not always as easy as one might hope. Sorry the executor doesn’t seem very organized, as that seems to be a useful quality for a good executor.
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There is a successor trust, so MIL was executor when FIL passed & bank handles things after MIL passes; SIL is POA. The problem is that H & I were pushed out by MIL when FIL died, and we weren’t able to make sure everything that should have been updated, was. I did a few things before she told us to butt out, but I wasn’t able to check everything.
The IRA annuity situation should not be difficult to figure out … now that I found the contract in the box of “useless stuff,” I know that a monthly payment of $X was coming in for FIL. When did it stop? Not hard to find that through the bank. I’m very good at figuring out this sort of thing, but SIL’s H thinks he knows everything, and he is the only one who handles her money stuff (SIL used to sign checks, but that is all done online now by her H). He has no clue what to do & doesn’t want any assistance (to clarify, I don’t suspect him of doing anything he should not … just of not paying enough attention to things, which fortunately are usually simple). H decided to involve MIL’s money manager, with whom SIL is friends … he figures she can work with SIL, guiding her towards resolution, now that we have the documents we needed to figure things out.
Moral of the story for me is to choose wisely the child you want to help you with your finances when you can’t do it yourself.
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Well perhaps the annuity payments did not stop? Some RMD stuff can be automated. Oh, but probably not if the recipient dies.
Yup. First order of business is when & if it stopped, then they can go from there.
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I might be hanging out here for a while. My dad was recently diagnosed with a fast growing squamous cell carcinoma in his neck (which apparently is a recurrence of one removed a few years ago). He has a PET scan scheduled for next week to see if it has metastasized or not. I was visiting this weekend for unrelated reasons and he brought up the topic regularly; it’s clearly (and understandably) weighing on him. He knows if there are no other areas of cancer that he will need surgery to remove this tumor, but right now is very concerned that it will involve them cutting his facial nerve and that he’ll end up with a permanent Bell’s palsy, so he doesn’t want to have surgery. But he’ll need to do something. I’m encouraging my mom to not bother discussing this him other than when he brings it up for now, as treatment will look very different if there are metastases.
We dropped off D25 for her first year at college this weekend; my parents live 25 minutes from her school. Saying goodbye to both my dad and my girl felt especially poignant today.
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DH and I get annual checks by our dermatologist. We both have had things removed before they went further (I also have survived aggressive stage IIIa breast cancer). Hopefully your father has this taken care of by competent medical professionals - and has a good quality of life. No need to throw in the towel early but to follow through. So many more tools in the toolbelt against all kinds of cancer in various stages, although some forms continue to be very challenging on survival and survival periods.
My dad died at 64 of cancer that had not much treatment available - the one chemo was ineffective, and the only thing that slowed it down was radiation - which was primitive in 1995 – he had a skin radiation burn the size of my hand on his shoulder. But radiation earlier was even more primitive. So many advances.
Sad for your family. Cancer is a tough call for some of the advanced forms and some of the hard-to-treat forms.
My dad didn’t give up hope, but he peacefully accepted his fate. He enjoyed his family and the young grandkids.
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SIL is going to lawyer appointment with his parents on Wednesday. They are updating all of their things - wills, POA, Health Care directives, etc.
It seems the AL has a spot open in September and they would need to move within a month. It seems they are not willing to do that. Of course DD1/SIL are miffed. SIL will be with them a few more days, and perhaps he can talk sense into them.
Their son has used paternity leave time to help them; I have come to help DD1 with the five children in SIL’s absence. This should be ‘done’ with this trip, but somehow it is not. SIL should be lining up a moving company to have the things packed for going to AL (moving from GA to Lake Charles LA).
DD1 seems to think something will medically happen and then SIL/DD1 will have to finalize things for them.
I am not putting my oar in the water. I understand life ‘shrinking’ - I survived aggressive cancer and had my life severely altered.
DH and I are getting rid of stuff and I am shrinking my involvement in some of the things I have be doing in my location (DH and I have been in our community since 1983) in anticipation of moving out-of-state to be near DD1/SIL/Gkids in 2027. 2026 will be the transition time on SIL’s career - and hopefully he will settle into a good job when he processes out of the Army in April 2026. He has ‘bridge’ time lined up (I believe a 4-week period) and has his information going out/application process started for various government agencies or government contractors for his cyber security SKA. Their big city has a lot of opportunities, and hopefully the right one for him. He has told me there are more opportunities if he had a longer time in his work; he has a high level of security clearance and for several more years which is a big plus.
DH and I will be with this family again Dec/Jan over the holidays (to help cover the older three with school out). We will also see them over Thanksgiving in FL.
I have a few months at home to get back to routine and incorporate some small goals for myself as well as start making out checklists.
Once SIL’s parents are in AL, SIL’s brother and family will ‘take over’ with helping the parents as they live in that city. DD1/SIL will be 6 hours away.
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