How is she accessing them, and for what?
My mom was 100% obsessed w her checking account. Every few days she’d print out the whole account and then have ameltdown if she couldn’t get it to match her checkbook. Local erased the shortcut on her desktop and the bookmarks as well. And then he told her the bank would close her account if she kept resetting the password in error.
Not that I advise this, just empathisizing. They are so intractable and banks have no workaround.
Is there a co-owner on her account?
If so, that person should create their own access to the accounts.
It won’t solve Mom’s frustration, but at least there can be a second pair of eyes on the account.
When someone is with her, tell her she needs temporary online access to SS, Medicare, pensions to change direct deposit, and set them up. That person can keep the access info in their files for future use, if needed.
I think the problem is that the Mom is continuing to try to access accounts, can’t remember passwords, etc, and as a result is locking everyone out. Not that her children don’t have access.
My inlaws do this. MIL must have 7 or 8 emails now, she just creates a new one if she can’t access the old ones. When the power goes out and the desktop shuts off, they lose their open tabs and don’t know how to get back into their bank accounts, so they take the computer to Best Buy for help.
I’m not sure I followed completely, but can the number for two-factor ID go to you or sib instead of her?
I took over FIL’s banking and it works because he doesn’t use a computer. The bigger issue is that his monthly SS is being deposited into a bank account that he thought was compromised so we opened a new account. SS said he has to go to the SS office in person to change the account and his address (he moved into AL), but he is unable to do that. I have tried both apps and have been unsuccessful logging into his SS account online. A POA is not enough to make these changes and they will not do it over the phone, even if FIL makes the call. I understand that rule because it would be too easy for a scammer to change the address and bank account over the phone. As of now, we move the $ from the old account to the new account as needed. All Medicare and SS letters are still going to his old address and being forwarded to me, but that will not last much longer. So, I am going to try the apps 1 more time and if they don’t work, we will have to find a way to get him to the SS office.
Thanks for the advice. Very helpful information
My sibling is currently sunbirding so nothing needs to be done right now. Except that mom thinks it does.
One of the issues is that my sibling decided to move mom 500 miles to be close to her. Which is great but the bank is a credit union with branches 500 miles away. So no good way to structure me being on the account or changing the phone number without actually going there in person. The move was done in a hurry so there are a few loose ends that didn’t get resolved
Which is next to impossible to do.
The bigger issue is to get mom to stop trying to access her account. This is a new development that she needs more help. Sigh!
Changing the bank account for the SS deposit might be tricky, especially if she doesn’t have an online SS account. I don’t know the details, and I think there have been recent changes, but I recall my MIL having to jump through some hoops to switch her bank for SS deposits.
First time I am here, my parents are 74 and 70 living alone after my brother DIED 1.5 years ago. My brother was sick so it took a toll on them.
They were doing ok day to day life by supporting each other. I live in a foreign count 24hrs by plane. I was a bread winner for the family, I send money they managed.
My mom is not a strong person (mental health doing ok with medication). Dad was mostly everything. End of December dad had a stroke. I flew to see them. He can’t eat so on liquid diet. His mind still sharp. He is not sleeping. What do u guys recommend for sleeping, therapist says he is worried that’s why he is not sleeping.
He had all documents in neat file so I can see what’s where. There’s little money in the bank. I don’t mind let that go.
This is the first time I became clueless. Feeling like an orphen. Everyday is challenging. I am not to able to sleep too. I am writing this down to get it out of my system. Everything was alright in my world until he got sick. I lived away from them for 30 years having my own family, can’t believe his declining would affect me this much.
Only blessings is hired a good caretaker for 24 hrs. Relative who are neighbors are supporting. I don’t know how long I am going to be a parent to my parents. Only entertainment for my mom was TV when my dad got sick she turned that off and hasn’t turned on. I am going to read this thread to get some tips. I know I am not the only one going through this path. I wish all of you a beautiful day.
That’s what I was trying to tell mom. That they’ve changed how to log into social security and it might be difficult to change bank accounts. Since she doesn’t have an online account.
My sibling isn’t great at online things either. I’m sure she’s the one driving the bus that mom needs to change her bank because it’s easier for her. Except it won’t be easier to change everything
Big hugs to you! It’s so hard being far away. I’m glad you were able to line up help and they aren’t alone.
Can you talk to your dad’s doctor about the sleep?
Friday he has an appointment I will be with him so I will talk to DR. Thanks
Oh, this is hard. They are relatively young to have so much to deal with, and I hope you have access to good advice. But always come here to chat, vent, and feel less like you are alone.
It is hard at first when you realize your parents, as you knew them, are gone? DH refers to his parents as “Dad rev. 2”, as in, this newer version of the man we knew. There is a certain amount of grieving that comes along with these first caregiving challenges. But you can do this .
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Being able to hire caregivers is a huge blessing for them and for you. My parents were across the country when my mom started having trouble, and it was very difficult for me emotionally.
My dad helped my mom, but it took a toll on his health. They had good neighbors & wanted to stay in their house - my dad stayed a couple years after my mom died, but we were trying to get him to move in with my brother right before Dad died. From this experience, I would encourage you to consider an assisted living facility, if it’s possible. I say this because it might help your mom to have things to do other than to worry about your dad … and your dad might feel less anxious if he knows that they are in a safe environment where your mom - and your dad, if he isn’t bedridden - can have some kind of social interaction. Just a thought, in case you might think it could help them.
Just thinking out loud here, and not sure if it would work, but what about just leaving the existing account open, leave all the direct deposits alone. Open a new account in the new state and either you or your sibling transfer the deposits monthly into the new account. Mom only has online access to the new account to satisfy her need to check in, but not to the old account. 
Mechanically it would work. You’d have to convince Mom that the new account is the only one she needs to check online.
A thought, anyway?
If it’s on a laptop, get a password manager that will store and auto-fill the password when you log in to the Web site, or set up the browser to remember passwords. That way they don’t have to remember the password.
On a phone, it may be possible (depending on the site) to log in biometrically using a fingerprint. No password to remember there either.
Or have them write them down and keep it next to the computer.
Here assisted living facilities are really bad. Home care is better option if the person we hired is good (which I am blessed). I see dad is calming down now because he knows mom has help.
My mom called back today. She was calmer today.
It’s getting so difficult because she’s very confused and can’t articulate what she’s doing or who she called. This is a change. We’ve been figuring things out before this.
At least she somehow got her bank account unfrozen. I paid the one bill that is not on autopay. Everything else is automatically paid or deposited so I think we are good there.
I’m going to see her in 2 weeks.
Another thought that might help some is three-way calling from you - you get your parent on the phone and then call the bank, agency, etc. with your parent on the phone.
Moved my parents into my house 2 weeks ago. Mom 89 and Dad 97. 
My mother had a Medicare online account, but said I had to change her address through SS.
I created a login dot gov account. I had to upload the front and back of her (now expired) drivers license. Then I had to take a “selfie” of her and it actually worked!
that’s what I tried to do, but it would not accept his selfie or the drivers license after multiple attempts. Did you use a regular iPhone for the selfie and to take a photo of the drivers license?